Captured Romanian General Reveals Military Secrets

Day 759, 06:02 • Published in Bulgaria Bulgaria • by Grakulan

This is an interview with the commander of the Romanian Balkans task-force, captured during the Second Battle of Marmara:



War Correspondent: General Failmaxescu, thank you for agreeing to give us this interview!

General Failmaxescu: You’ve put my nuts in a vice so I don’t have much of a choice.

War Correspondent: Right. So tell us, General – what was your strategy for the Balkans campaign?

General Failmaxescu: Tank and exploit.

War Correspondent: I see, blitzkrieg – armored breakthrough and a quick follow-up.

General Failmaxescu: Not exactly. More like tank in the last minutes of battles to create a massive server lag and then exploit it to attack the next region regardless of the outcome of the last battle.

War Correspondent: Uhhh … isn’t that cheating?

General Failmaxescu: Who cares?! If someone complains we just call him “whiner” until he shuts up.

War Correspondent: But certainly this cannot be the war plan of a military super-power like Romania! Even if you won every battle by showering your enemies with goldbricks you’d get bankrupt long before you won the war!

General Failmaxescu: A long history of epic failure has eroded our concern over actual war victory and economic gains. Now we only care about “moral victory”. So the Romanian people are happy even when we blow the whole treasury on one Pyrrhic victory.

War Correspondent: This explains a lot. Thank you, General, for sharing this information with us! You can go now – we don’t want to deprive the Romanian army of your military “genius”. Here, you can even have your tank back: