Breton Boy is Running for President!
Day 863, 10:15
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Published in South Korea 
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by
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by Breton Boy
Yes, thats right folks; I am throwing my hat into the ring of man children and running for the big chair!
'Why? Why are you running and why are you running so late?' you may ask.
The answer is simply that I hate the current candidates so, so, very much. And I love myself, so, so, very much.
At first I was content to let the proto-Japanese natives run their silly favourites and sit back and watch the state collapse.... but then I realized that I had a duty! A duty to the Goons, to our best friends in Nippon, and to our hero Ataturk, to take control of this country and make it shine!
So here I am! My platform:
* We change our country's name to Something is Awful.
* Our flag becomes the same as Greece's because they need to realize how pathetically generic their 'culture' and 'history' is.
* Declare the State Religion to be Juche.
* Nationalize all Industry and ban all forms of currency/capital. From now all we shall all get Ration Cards which can be cashed in at the forum for food. To help this along our currency will be devalued by 6000% over the next week or so.
* Declare FurryPunch a terrorist organization and have their users hunted down to the man and killed.
* Pay 150000 wongdongs, or whatever our currency is, to Japan for keeping Jeju safe from harm and as an apology for resisting their benevolent attempt to occupy and civilize us last year or so.
* Rehabilitate all the Theocrats and put them in high government positions where they can redeem themselves for their past crimes.
* Declare Joesph Stalin as our eternal President.
* Declare the day the Goons arrived here last month as a National Holiday - PTO Day.
* Exile the Sunking for being a really stupid gimmick.
* Ban all future elections. We won't need them after I take charge.
To accomplish these noble endeavours I shall be forming a party and using about 60 multis on a rotating ISP to nudge the electorate in the right direction come Vote Day.
Consider this your final notice proto-Japs, the Goonish Crusade has BEGUN!
" United forever in friendship and labour,
Something is Awful will ever endure.
The great Goonish People will live through the ages.
The dream of a funhouse with fortress secure.
CHORUS:
Long live our Goonish Motherland, built by the pubbie's spastic hand.
Long live the Goons, united and free.
Strong in our friendship tried by fire. Long may our stolen flag inspire,
Shining in glory for all men to see.
Through days dark and stormy where Great Kim-Jong Rad led us
Our eyes saw the bright sun of freedom above
and Stalin-chan our Leader with faith in the People,
Inspired us to build up the land that we love.
CHORUS:
Long live our Goonish Motherland, built by the pubbie's spastic hand.
Long live the Goons, united and free.
Strong in our friendship tried by fire. Long may our stolen flag inspire,
Shining in glory for all men to see.
We fought for the future, destroyed the natives,
and brought to our homeland the Laurels of Fame.
Our glory will live in the memory of nations
and all generations will honour my name.
CHORUS:
Long live our Goonish Motherland, built by the pubbie's spastic hand.
Long live the Goons, united and free.
Strong in our friendship tried by fire. Long may our stolen flag inspire,
Shining in glory for all men to see. "
Oh, and that will be our new National Anthem.
See ya at the polls!
'Why? Why are you running and why are you running so late?' you may ask.
The answer is simply that I hate the current candidates so, so, very much. And I love myself, so, so, very much.
At first I was content to let the proto-Japanese natives run their silly favourites and sit back and watch the state collapse.... but then I realized that I had a duty! A duty to the Goons, to our best friends in Nippon, and to our hero Ataturk, to take control of this country and make it shine!
So here I am! My platform:
* We change our country's name to Something is Awful.
* Our flag becomes the same as Greece's because they need to realize how pathetically generic their 'culture' and 'history' is.
* Declare the State Religion to be Juche.
* Nationalize all Industry and ban all forms of currency/capital. From now all we shall all get Ration Cards which can be cashed in at the forum for food. To help this along our currency will be devalued by 6000% over the next week or so.
* Declare FurryPunch a terrorist organization and have their users hunted down to the man and killed.
* Pay 150000 wongdongs, or whatever our currency is, to Japan for keeping Jeju safe from harm and as an apology for resisting their benevolent attempt to occupy and civilize us last year or so.
* Rehabilitate all the Theocrats and put them in high government positions where they can redeem themselves for their past crimes.
* Declare Joesph Stalin as our eternal President.
* Declare the day the Goons arrived here last month as a National Holiday - PTO Day.
* Exile the Sunking for being a really stupid gimmick.
* Ban all future elections. We won't need them after I take charge.
To accomplish these noble endeavours I shall be forming a party and using about 60 multis on a rotating ISP to nudge the electorate in the right direction come Vote Day.
Consider this your final notice proto-Japs, the Goonish Crusade has BEGUN!
" United forever in friendship and labour,
Something is Awful will ever endure.
The great Goonish People will live through the ages.
The dream of a funhouse with fortress secure.
CHORUS:
Long live our Goonish Motherland, built by the pubbie's spastic hand.
Long live the Goons, united and free.
Strong in our friendship tried by fire. Long may our stolen flag inspire,
Shining in glory for all men to see.
Through days dark and stormy where Great Kim-Jong Rad led us
Our eyes saw the bright sun of freedom above
and Stalin-chan our Leader with faith in the People,
Inspired us to build up the land that we love.
CHORUS:
Long live our Goonish Motherland, built by the pubbie's spastic hand.
Long live the Goons, united and free.
Strong in our friendship tried by fire. Long may our stolen flag inspire,
Shining in glory for all men to see.
We fought for the future, destroyed the natives,
and brought to our homeland the Laurels of Fame.
Our glory will live in the memory of nations
and all generations will honour my name.
CHORUS:
Long live our Goonish Motherland, built by the pubbie's spastic hand.
Long live the Goons, united and free.
Strong in our friendship tried by fire. Long may our stolen flag inspire,
Shining in glory for all men to see. "
Oh, and that will be our new National Anthem.
See ya at the polls!
🙂
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Comments
Breton Boy for president!
But I would like to see more of minority persecution in the future...
Well I must say its good to see a candidate putting forward some policies.
I know some think this an Aprils Fool article but as everyone with half a brain knows Aprils Fools are only for up to Noon on 1st April.
Sorry Elgrand, this was a April Fools joke.
Our timezones differ. ;p
I know this is a joke, but it shows how openly hostile and stupid you still are.
Case in point:
"* Our flag becomes the same of Greece's because they need to realize how pathetically generic their 'culture' and 'history' is."
"* Declare FurryPunch a terrorist organization and have their users hunted down to the man and killed."
I love seeing you ruin your "people's" credibility each and every day.
lol.
Everyone should chill, although when I read a Brenton Boy comment I usually disagree with it, lets not verbally kill the man.
I lol'd, then raged and then lol'd some more.
Good times.
Mark you really don't understand what a joke is do you. That's fine go ahead and get offended at something on the internet. :3c
wo wow Mark, calm down, its just a joke, no reason to attack him like that.
Do you get up in arms when Sarah Silverman says she is part Mongolian rapist?
Reported for intention to use multi's.
Its funny how people cant take a joke
Forgot about the timezones BB! 😛
I honestly thought this was a genuine CP election platform seeing as how it has more content than most of the current candidates. LOL
Mark: http://bit.ly/d8sHaA" target="_blank">http://bit.ly/d8sHaA
Reported for intention to use multies.
Lol Breton that was a great april fools joke, lol Good one seriously.
The opening sentence of my comment:
"I know this is a joke"
Goon attempts to make me look ba😛
"Mark you really don't understand what a joke is do you."
"wo wow Mark, calm down, its just a joke"
"Mark: http://bit.ly/d8sHaA"" target="_blank">http://bit.ly/d8sHaA"
My point: I know it's a joke. But a joke can still show Breton Boy is an idiot. 😉
I almost wish Breton Boy would actually run for president though! It would be enjoyable seeing him get smashed and lose.
"Pay 150000 wongdongs, or whatever our currency is, to Japan..." Pure Shakespeare. Your parents must be so proud of your literary prowess.
And Mark has GOT to lighten up, man.
Yes, my joke, designed to play into everyone's stupid fears about Goons... proves I am stupid?
Damn. I guess Charlie Chaplin proved how much of a Nazi he was by playing one in the Great Dictator...
Stop trying to get in fights with me 24/7. Nothing in here is true. It was a April Fools joke, and trying to get me banned for 'multis' because of this is beyond childish.
Everyone, the real april fools joke here is that everyone is thinking this article is just april fools, but is actually the goon plans for South Korea.
Of course I am just joking so dont make a big deal out of it(looking at Breton crybaby Boy)
Is insulting me every chance you get really necessary?
Don't take it to heart Breton, there just winding you up....
...Reported for intention to use multi's.
Just kidding 😉
"Is insulting me every chance you get really necessary?"
Yes it is, Breton crybaby Boy.
@ mark, so now I am a goon?
Finland? More like Fingolia. GLORIOUS MONGOL NATION.
Hey Snayke!
We miss you... 🙁