Beer To Prevent Citizens From Confusing Serbia

Day 1,507, 14:39 • Published in USA USA • by The Time Lord

Reliable News Unburdened By Facts

Letter From The Editor: All my friends are dead. The thing that I have disliked the most about this game over the three and a half years that I’ve been playing it is that people I like quit. I’ve honestly lost count of how many people who I really liked have left the game for one reason or another. And yet, the people I dislike the most never seem to go away.

Americans Like Pizza More Than Beer

Maybe it’s because a lot of our players are under 21, but we have a serious problem America. Today’s voting is currently suggesting that American’s like pizza more than beer. We at ‘The Silhouette’ find this to be a travesty. What happened to you America? You had your priorities straight for a long time, and now you’re doing something like this? Beer is beer! It makes you feel good, it makes food taste better, it makes you less nervous around the opposite sex, and on a cold night it can even serve as a blanket. You should always choose beer over pizza! The election is still going on as of this writing so I’ll give you a chance to correct your mistake America. Just remember, you’re choosing between this:



And this:



Don’t let me down America.

Congress Working To Prevent Citizens From Leaving Game



In the halls of Congress over the past few days there has been some discussion about how the US can best recruit and retain citizens. As most people know, eRep is constantly losing players who have lost interest in the game. The battle for each nation is to replace the players who are quitting with new players, ideally at a rate higher than the rate of players leaving the game. To that end the US Congress has recently come to a decision that some people will undoubtedly have a problem with. They’ve decided to boot our cars. That’s right America, outside, right this very moment, the US Congress has someone slapping a boot on your car. Once it’s on it’s very difficult to get off and it makes it completely impossible to drive your car. You’ll be stuck. The Congress is hoping that with all of those players unable to leave, they’ll keep playing the game and keep the US going strong. The plan that they’ve developed for retaining new players is no less dastardly. It seems that Congress is working to give new citizens food through the meals on wheels program. What those citizens don’t know is that that food is laced with all kinds of addictive chemicals that will keep the new citizens coming back for more. You know, stuff that really messes with your brain. More on this story to come, but we at ‘The Silhouette’ think it goes without saying that stuff just got way too real.

Serbia Confused About Poland Being Wiped



In a great victory for EDEN and Terra forces earlier this week, Poland was wiped off the map. Once seen as unstoppable, the mighty Polish war machine has been toppled, and as of this writing Poland controls only its original regions. Considering Poland once circled the globe, this is a dramatic change for the once powerful nation. Some have claimed that Poland’s downfall was caused by her allies not making much, if any, effort to help her when she was being attacked. ‘The Silhouette’ went to talk to Serbian officials, as some of Poland’s strongest allies and the target of many of these accusations, about the claims that the leaders of ONE only care about the strongest member nations in that alliance. When we asked them what they felt had been the cause of Poland being wiped they had this to say: “Wait… Poland was wiped? Are we allies with them or enemies? They’re not Hungary or Macedonia so I can’t remember. Think, think, think. I’m pretty sure we’re allies. We… oppose…. them being wiped…? Ја стварно треба да прочитају мојбелешке о томе.” Clearly the rumors about Serbia not caring about Poland are totally false. /Sarcasm

Happy Whipped Cream Day America!
- The Time Lord