Bang! Bang! I'm back!

Day 515, 03:35 • Published in Sweden Sweden • by josefstark
Who is this gray old man? Some of you might know me, some of you might not. Last time I was here was at the Grand Nobel Banquet, giving away my last pennies to the people who deserved them, before putting a bullet through my head.
I woke up inside a dark wooden coffin, alive somehow… The bullet must have passed through between the lobes. I considered myself lucky for some reason. Maybe it wasn’t my turn to leave this life. I didn’t feel that much alive, maybe it was the damp air inside this purgatory of wood. F*** man I had to get out... ‘If I used some force I would be able to crack a whole open. This box could barely hold the pressure of the dirt above’ I thought. Maybe it wasn’t that bad dying as a poor man left with stingy friends to pay for the funeral after all. If you woke up alive afterwards that is.
I started kicking and all I got back was a mumbled thud. I tried again and nothing happened. I had lost a lot of my former strength. Suddenly I remembered the state-funded self-defence classes we were taught in Hypogeum. I dusted off my knee and fed it to the ceiling and it gave away, dirt poured in and I used all the power I could muster. I climbed in a waterfall of mud and sand.
My lungs wanted to explode; fresh air! For the first time in my life it seamed. I crawled out of the pit and onto the grass; I laid myself on my back and opened my eyes. It was night and the stars welcomed me with their ever so arrogant presence.

Where was I? The air was warm and I could smell the ocean, and the stars were those of the southern hemisphere. I strolled until dawn looking for civilization, or at least a living soul. A small fishing village appeared before me and I was greeted by an older man. He spoke Spanish. ‘South America’ I thought to myself. I asked the man in what country I was and what date it was. He looked at me with a strange glance. ‘You’re in Argentina, it’s day 372 of the New World calendar. Are you all right?’ My head began to spin. I asked him for the directions to the closest town and followed them.

This was the awakening, it was 142 days ago. Since then I have been travelling around the world meeting with people and I have been taught many things, things that have been forgotten and things that should have been forgotten. When I came back here I was struck to see that the situation wasn’t any better than before here in Sweden. The only difference was that the idiots of ‘back then’ had been replaced with new ones. Same ideas, same points of focus, same words.

I was happy to see an old friend sitting in the presidential office, oh how I remember those coffee-drinking days.
One of the finest parties there ever was has been transformed into some cult-like congregation idolizing a dog whining about discrimination and governmental oppression, ever heard that before eh? Oh, and that purjophiliac warmongering party has apparently been switched with another warmongering party a-la-FBS-in-da-beta test.
DNS hasn’t really lost any members, just voters, due to poor lobbying perhaps.
And since the Danes and the Polacks are all out of the game Piratpartiet got the chance to play in the top-5, proud day for you and your families!
FBS has however been showing some dull results in the elections. Funny since most of the experienced players are in FBS, and still all the other parties despise them. To be totally honest, more than half of the good ideas have been theirs… Probably more than half of the bad ones too but anything else would have been surprising, anyone can join FBS. Remember that.

Anyways, I’m back and I’ll keep on writing cynical and philanthropic articles, and every now and then I might even write something with actual substance.