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It seems a long, long, time since I last wrote an article...
I've hardly written since last summer. Whoa.
I do completely understand that anyone reading this paper now will be one of my old subscribers who simply forgot to unsubscribe. You may rectify the error now.

So lets get back on the road, shall we? Okay, lets think of an article...

*short break of a little over 2 hours*

OK, got one! Now, I'm going to tell you a story about little red riding hood...

Whaddya mean, you already know it?!?!

Back to the drawing board...

*slightly longer break*

Right, got another one for you lot. And you've never heard this one before, because I've just made it up.


MINERVA AND THE OAK OF LABOUR

by Parrington


Once upon a time, the goddess Minerva had in her possession an acorn. She, being of a horticultural sort, planted it, watered it, and fertilised it. Soon the acorn became a young, healthy oak sapling. The goddess said "As I have put so much time and effort into growing it, this tree will represent all the fruits of the work of the world. It will be a Tree of Work!!!

Now, being a goddess, Minerva didn't have time to be looking after trees all day, and sop she appointed a Guardian. She gave the Guardian a nice walled garden to house the tree in, with a large sign on the wall, which read,

Minnie's Tree of Work

And the tree was very fruitful, under care of several guardians, whilst Minerva fought her wars against the US of A and. She said, "My garden with the tree is surely more fruitful than EDEN."

She had, not, however, been keeping a close eye on the guardian. The guardian, (as the first female guardian and as such being given the title Whorme-Ohnall,) was from the land of weeping.

And the Whorme-Ohnall guardian from Wails did steal the fruits of that beautiful tree (even though they were only acorns, as it was an oak), and did change the locks on the door of the walled garden, all without Minerva's permission.

But Minerva, being very angry with the Whorme-Ohnall guardian from Wails, did cry out, and invoke the potential wrath of the admins, the legendary creatures from beyond the reaches of Time and Norway itself!

Upon which, the guardian did look up, and seeing the ton of bricks dropping down from the sky, did hastily surrender the key to the garden, and return all the acorns.

And so it came to pass, that, at Minnie's Tree of Work, a new guardian was installed, who, to ensure efficiency, did significantly cut down the number of gardeners at the walled garden. These gardeners did go away, gnashing their teeth, and wondering what to do with their time now.

Some turned to crime, some started spamming, and some wrote bloody stupid satire articles about the whole business.

Thanks for reading, and don't forget to vote and subscribe!