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An Article Released by the Ministry of Social Development on behalf of our close friends, the Ministry of Information
Editor's Note: In this edition of From the Front, MoI War Correspondent Beufort shares his experiences from the battle for the Liberation of Western Cape. This is all true, and exactly as it happened, according to Beufort.




(Day 871, Western Cape - Transcript)

Beufort: No man’s land. Complete silence. The only thing you could hear was zamrg chewing his nails.
Beufort: The time was nearing....slowly the seconds passed.
Beufort: OUT OF NOWHERE EnochRoot STARTS MOOING
Beufort: "Shut up fool! we all hissed."
(Audio garbled - Ed.)
Beufort: The eBrazilians had started to take the special Gauteng goats back to Brazil
Beufort: So that in case all was lost, they still had some.
Social_Butterfly: special gauteng goats?
Beufort: General_Richards of the PG started yelling that PG had won the war by themselves
Beufort: A eBraz troll ate his head
Beufort: Do not worry, Beufort sliced the troll's head off
Knickerball: Beufort did you catch me a Brazzo?
Beufort: Knickerball came along asking if I caught her a Brazzo
Beufort: I kindly told her that I was in the middle of a war
Beufort: And to shut up and make me a sandwhich
Knickerball: but you promised
Beufort: QUIET WOMAN
Knickerball: ooooooh ok, I'll make you a wonderful sandwich lol
Beufort: Yelled Beufort
Knickerball: you'll never want for another again
Beufort: We all marched along to Western Cape, revenge was the only thing in our mind.
(He was in no-man's land before, I know. - Ed.)
Beufort: KNICKER I AM TRYING TO **** UP A STORY HERE
Beufort: Beufort was getting upset
Knickerball: I want my Brazzo
Beufort: So he got Knicker a brazzo
Beufort: Not any Brazzo
Beufort: A brazzo TANK
Knickerball: thank you
Knickerball: dangerous
Beufort: Now that that is done Knicker will KINDLEY SHUT THE HELL UP AND MAKE A SANDWICH
Beufort: In the distance, the soldiers could see a flag...yes,yes it was a flag.
Beufort: A flag with their mascot Roto on it.
Beufort: We knew this battle would be bloody.
Beufort: Out numbered, out gunned and out of beer WE CHARGED!
Beufort: It was a mad dash!
Beufort: A heavy rain of snotfarts from the eArgies was deadly!
Beufort: The situation was getting worse
Beufort: Zamrg had chewed his arm off
(I think that zamrg had chewed his own arm off, not Beufort's - Ed.)
Beufort: Krimpiekat stopped hanging from the wall and started to read prayers from a bible
Beufort: And Tronyx was taking a ****!
Beufort: Suddenly a sound was heared
Beufort: Rumbling....
Beufort: Could it be???
(Beufort had had a "meat" burrito for lunch from a dodgy roadside catering truck. - Ed.)
Beufort: YES! YES IT COULD!
Beufort: eUSA tanks were seen in the distance
Tronyx: Beufort: STFU
Beufort: Followed by potato peeling leprechauns from eIreland
Social_Butterfly: Actually I want to hear how it ends.
zamrg: lol beufort
Beufort: Followed by eAussies jumping like Kangaroos
(Audio Garbled - Ed.)
Beufort: Followed by Beufort in a spider man costume!
Social_Butterfly: Rofl!
Beufort: The eArgies stoond NO CHANCE
Beufort: It was a bloody massacre
Tronyx: lol
Beufort: snotfarts, pee and sweat
&zamrg: Beufort, think u could work for a SAAF company?
Beufort: DO U THINK YOU COULD SHUT UP AND LET ME FINNISH?
(I think he meant "finish", as opposed to going to Finland. - Ed.)
Beufort: Yelled Beufort in rage
General_Richards: XD
Beufort: Zarmg quickly went and hid in a corner
Grimstone: Beufort at his best
Beufort: Knickerball running in zig zags to find Beufort and give him his goddamn sandwich tripped and hit a land mine
Beufort: She was ok though, but the sandwich was ruined
(The sandwich became ground beef - Ed.)
Beufort: so she went and made another one
Beufort: "Onwards soldiers!" cried Zamrg!
Beufort: "Oorah!" shouted the Americans
(Audio Garbled - Ed.)
Beufort: MOAR BEER AND POTATOES shouted the Irish
Beufort: Crickey shouted the eAussies
Beufort: I CAN HAZ CHEEZEBURGER? shouted Beufort
Beufort: And we made the final push into Western Cape
Beufort: Our only target was Roto
Beufort: Each one of us wanted to rip his messed up tooth and stuff it down his *BEEEEEEEP BEEP BEEP and BEEP BEEP in his BEEEP mouth*
Beufort: Wait, roto is eArgentinas mascot right?
SoulSalvage: Like a sandwich, Beufort.
Beufort: right?
SoulSalvage: Don't forget that.
* General_Richards shrugs
Beufort: what ever
SoulSalvage: Roto means broken in Spanish.
SoulSalvage: So if it is,
Beufort: Fine fine
SoulSalvage: The Argentinians are retarded.
CesogFillireb: eSA is so freeee now
Beufort: I know they are
Beufort: LET ME GET BACK ON TO THE STORY
Beufort: The day was won
Beufort: There was only one last thing to do...
Social_Butterfly: You're not finished yet?
Grimstone: shhhhhhhh
* CesogFillireb hangs himself
CesogFillireb: FINISH NOW
Beufort: Yea man SHHHH
General_Richards: what was the last thing to do?
CesogFillireb: LEE RICHARDS
CesogFillireb: ILY
General_Richards: \o/
Beufort: Get retardedly high and start burning shit!
Beufort: Yeaaaa
Beufort: I mean
Beufort: Burn roto to the ground
Beufort: After that was done
General_Richards: and loot and pillage
Beufort: We all looked at each other
Beufort: Victory in our souls
Beufort: WIN! In our minds
Beufort: And...
Beufort: I B**CH slap Grimstone for being such a {garbled}
General_Richards: alcoholic beverages in our hands?
Beufort: And that my friends
Beufort: Was how eSouth Africa and her weird allies
Beufort: Won
Beufort: The war
Beufort: On trolls

(Audio Ends)