An Introduction to eRepublik Astrology

Day 1,155, 12:40 • Published in United Kingdom United Kingdom • by Joachim von Bremen

Many of you may think astrology is a load of rubbish. You may think it is a pseudo-science, and a relic of an age of superstition long gone: after all, if you told someone you believed in witches wouldn't they think you were mental? If you told someone you believed the Sun was pulled by the God Apollo, or that a bearded wizard once turned water into wine, wouldn't they assume you were joking?

I am here to tell you, however, that despite your preconceptions, eRepublic astrology is a legitimate science. In the New World, we often have our eyes down on the ground, keeping our eyes on Poland's borders, Serbia's population or Ireland's (lack of a) bank account. For once, I emplore you to look at the skies, check your eBirth date and read your horoscope.

The Signs

November 18th – December 17th – THE BUTT



The Butt – those born under the sign of the butt are constantly driven by the need to make everyone in the world know just how oldfag they are. Their lives are relentless monologues on how things used to be better.

December 18th – January 15th – THE PUPPETMASTER



The Puppetmaster – those born under The Puppetmaster’s stars are dastardly plotters with their fingers in every pie. They like to control from behind-the-scenes and exert their authority through dealings that are most parmesan indeed. When the puppetmaster and conservative meet, all hell breaks loose.

January 16th – February 19th – THE POLITICIAN



The Politician – those born under the sign of The Politician crave power and influence above all others. They are generally good leaders, because they need the spotlight on them at all times. Sometimes power hungry, they are known to defect to the sign of The Butt in their old age. They are often ultimately commanded by a Puppetmaster. They will do whatever it takes to get to the top... even cheat.

February 20th – February 26th – THE JOKER



The Joker – the stars only align for the joker for very a brief window of time. The joker lives for his own entertainment. His jokes at the expense of others often get him in trouble and even confused for a Trollface starsign, but with a little trickery and a boyish smile he can get out of sticky situations.

February 27th – March 28th – THE ROLEPLAYER



The Roleplayer – The Roleplayer comes in two categories. There is the Roleplayer General, who brings a cataclysmic amount of mundane tedium and walls of text to the game. Then there is the Roleplay Policeman, who sees his job as being to hunt down the aforementioned first category of roleplayer. Thus those born under this star sign are in a constant battle of irony with eachother.

March 29th – May 1st – THE CONSERVATIVE



The Conservative – etc.

May 2nd – June 8th – THE REVOLUTIONARY



The Revolutionary – The Revolutionary will change things. This is not necessarily a political change – it could be cultural for instance. The Revolutionary may not be popular in his time, for you will only love him when you miss him.

June 9th – July 24th – THE GENTLEMAN FROM ACROSS THE ROAD



The Gentleman from Across the Road – he is quiet and he stares at you. If you are born under this sign, please stop. It is disturbing. And no, I would not like to see your collection of Elton John related newspaper clippings.

July 25th – August 29th – THE TROLLFACE



The Trollface – those born under The Trollface constellation are gifted with the power to goad undue amounts of anger out of others. They are extremely dastardly, often intelligent, and merciless with words. They will often argue with The Revolutionaries, but when they get on they are unstoppable as a team.

August 30th – September 24th – THE DOOR TO DOOR SALESMAN



The Door to Door Salesman – The Door to Door Salesman is the dodgy wheeler-dealer of the eRepublik family. He collects merchandise with a dubious background and money is the element that his molecules are built upon. Whether this requires employing cheap Indian labour or starting a bazillion multi accounts, the Door to Door Salesman will do whatever it takes to get just one more gold. NB, some say I the two stars above do not actually look much like a salesman. They are being ridiculous.

September 25th – October 17th - THE ADMINISTRATION



The Administration – The children of The Administration are sneaky ones. They do not know the curse they possess. When their stars align they are transfigured into a monster: A monster that changes its name to that of a classical philosopher for no bollocking reason. A monster that talks in the most arrogant style imaginable, despite you being a customer who should demand respect. A monster that cheats and destroys the in-game money market and then acts as if he knew nothing about it. But when he wakes up the next morning, the monster will have no idea what he has done. This constellation is also known as ‘the pile of crap’.

October 18th – November 17th - THE FOREVER ALONE



The Forever Alone - ;_;

So in conclusion, I make this simple request: open your eyes, and look up. Scan the sky, and see what wonders the New World has to behold.