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From the Norwegian press, January 6th, 2009, brought to you by sarcasm and time travel.

An article from the future

Another President election is over, and we had even more votes then last time. In the end Reboot got the most votes and is now our sitting president. Congratulation(sic).

Let's take a moment to look back at what happened the last month.

Economy
Binary Party attacked the Norwegian government for not having a dedicated Minister of Finance and refused the Norwegian president's invitation for BP to produce an MoF. Since we lost the election we refused to help Norway and did nothing constructive except complain incessantly and have BP's Congress Members propose money transfers earlier than the ones the president scheduled.

Military
Terje Hansen is the only member of Teknokratene we like because he doesn't write articles that make us look bad. Binary Party is pretty sure he does a good job, but we are mostly pleased by the fact he doesn't say anything negative.

Immigration / Babyboom
Binary Party has done literally nothing but recruit new players aside from attacking the Norwegian government. Of course, we don't need the government to recruit new players. Instead we actively scour the lists of new citizens and throw together food drives where we make people chant, "GO BINARY PARTY!" and shower them with free food and gifts and get them indoctrinated with our propaganda. Who even needs a Ministry of Immigration when you have BP's welfare charities? Food for loyalty.

Hospitals
Binary Party has used the hospitals Cirno of Binary Party created. Did you notice how no new hospitals were created with Teknokratene running the government? If Binary Party were in control of the government last month, we'd have at least three Binary Party hospitals in every Binary Party region and twenty Binary Party defense systems in Nord-Norge shooting laser beams at the Russians.

Media Frenzy
Despite Binary Party's propaganda machine dominating the Norwegian media with the 3rd, 5th, 6th, and 7th most-subscribed-to newspapers in the country with 1200+ combined subscribers to these papers alone, we have focused all our efforts on smearing the 8th most subscribed-to-newspaper owned by Teknokratene member Andreas Stassivik. We ignored the nice things he said about Cirno and have used an out-of-context personal experience to justify our violent crusade all while Teknokratene was distracted by running the entire government. We also attacked their harmless party newspaper and their constructive ideas in the forums. Losing the December elections has given us more than enough free time to delegitimize our opponents for a month straight, and we have no intention of stopping. Ever.

But guess what, talk is cheap!
These are our favorite words to use on Teknokratene when they counter our slanderous insults. If we say it enough times, we can make it look like we're the ones that are working when all TeK is doing is talking. It makes sense because if talk was expensive, Binary Party would be in an enormous amount of debt, especially due to the fact we refused to do any work all of last month.

Conclusion
I am a man of the democracy, and I respect the majority of our population, except for anyone who don't support Binary Party. When Teknokratene offered Binary Party to help thwart a PTO and end the boycott on the Norwegian government, we chose BP over the Norwegian people. Don't believe me? Keep reading.

- With two BP-safe exceptions, we had lined an entire government with nothing but Binary Party's candidates, ignoring Teknokratene's open invitation to share power with us. Binary Party represents only a fraction of the Norwegian population, so once again we made a partisan decision over accepting representative democracy.
- Representative democracy infringes on politician's rights to secretly rule the government in a conspiracy against the public.
- When our population increased from 600 to 800 in a matter of days, indicating a potential take-over threat, we refused to cooperate with our political opponents and form a coalition government to save Norway. Too democratic, and it wasn't our idea.
- We refused to hold democratic primaries and stalled for time leading up to the elections. Again, too democratic, not our idea.
- When Binary Party was negotiating with Teknokratene for the bipartisan government, we shot down a proposal that would have TeK support me as president to stop the PTO, because they wanted us to support them one day if it ever happened again. How is it even fair that they support us in order to save Norway, and then expect us to do the same next time Norway needs saving?
- During the negotiations Teknokratene said they would support pretty much anyone but me, because I like to shoot down their ideas, call them communists and randomly insult them with one-liners. What was the logical thing to do in order to show TeK our refusal to cooperate in a counter-PTO? I ran for president with 100% support from my own party! LOL!
- We made Teknokratene prepare a contract in order to prove they weren't taking advantage of us, and once they did write a contract, we said it can't be upheld. By the next time a PTO rolls around TeK is going to be a bunch of two-clickers who won't even know how to nominate a presidential candidate, amirite??? Brilliant!
- Teknokratene still didn't get the message. They listened to our objections and said they were going to add failsafes to the contract. Seriously, can't they take a hint? "Alt for Norge" is just a figure of speech and everyone in Binary Party knows that. eRepublik is just a video game where you mash buttons until the evil bad guys are dead and we win the prize. Nintendo would be bankrupt if Mario always negotiated the terms for releasing Princess Peach instead of just stomping on Bowser's head over and over until he dies.
- Once we finally realized we have an active war against the United Kingdom and Russia and acknowledged that a PTO candidate could hand over all of Norway's territories to our enemies and destroy our hospitals, we decided that the threats of Teknokratene working together with us was far more deadly than sleeping in bed with the Russians for 24 hours. It's not our fault if they decide not to submit to us.

Enough about how democratic I am.

I'm sad that all that was accomplished this month counts for nothing when the citizens of eNorway voted for their next president, but I get the clear message. My continued lack of work in the Norwegian government is still wanted. For that reason, I'm hereby withdrawing from the Norwegian politics. I will no longer take an active part in the politics. Disclaimer: I am probably lying.

This is by no means criticism on Reboot, I hope he follows up on his election promises and keeps working on all the things Binary Party takes credit for doing last month. But I also hope the citizens will appreciate all the talking we have done instead of doing any work.

I had a good run, and the only thing I regret is that Binary Party lost again because Norway didn't vote for us. I guess I shouldn't be upset, because you aren't really punishing us for doing a bad job (we didn't actually do any jobs). Hope you all will enjoy the changes, even though you didn't let me benefit of someone else's success.

Best Regards
Binary Party's censored presidential candidate
Former Norwegian politician who will return next month and pretend this article doesn't exist

This article has been a dramatization and regardless of how incredibly accurately it depicts real people or events, any resemblance to real people or political organizations are merely coincidental.