All Is Fair

Day 2,037, 22:02 • Published in USA USA • by Dogpyle

All is Fair...

Hey ya'll. No 'In The News' this week, I've been a busy puppy. I wasn't even going to put out an article, but I got yelled at...
"I didn't yell at you."
"Yes, you did." (seriously, she did)
"What everrrrrrrr."
I might be paraphrasing, but that's pretty much how it went down.

Anyways, since I got yelled at, I went digging into the old trash bin that's my mind and came up with this.
I hope you enjoy it.



In Love...
...And don't you believe it for a second. Never has a greater line of BS been uttered. There is nothing fair about love. Nothing. Love will blind side you, break your heart, stab you in the back, tear your emotions to shreds, rip out your very soul and then pi$$ on your withered and wretched corpse. Fair, my a$$.

On the flip side, Love will carry you to the greatest heights, make you invincible, satiate any hunger, and make any wretched existence worth living. Fair? Heh, not even a little bit. You ever heard the saying; 'If you love something, set it free, blah, blah, blah?' Yeah. How'd that work out for you?

And Tesla, Lord knows I love them... Love will find it's way??? Whatever. Love couldn't find it's way down a four lane highway on a bright, sunny day with a road map and a GPS. Find it's way indeed.

Don't get me wrong, I love, Love. There ain't nothing I love more than a Dogpyle Sammich. No, wait... That's lust... ('sup Bia?) My point peoples, is that love don't come easy (Supremes/Genesis quote not intended). You've got to work on that s**t, like a massage with a happy ending. It doesn't just happen. It's got to be coaxed, maybe bribed (who am I to judge how you get yours?), nurtured and fed, but if you're not careful, you can smother it. Fair? Nuh uh.

But even I'll admit: Every once in a great while, love does just show up on your doorstep ('cause it got lost up on the highway, I presume). Sometimes, all it takes is a smile at the right moment. Or just the right touch, when it's needed most. Or maybe a tone of voice, that kind that catches you off guard, or a picture, or a comment accidentally phrased in just the right way. There is nothing fair about love.

But ain't it somethin?


...And War
Now this is a truth I can get behind. War is hell, to be sure, but whatever rules you think are out there protecting you, you're wrong. There are no rules. Kill or be killed. Survival of the fittest. To the victor go the spoils.

I can see some of you out there shaking your heads. "Oh no, Dogpyle. You're wrong. There are rules of engagement and..." Yeah. Let me stop you there. There may be 'Gentleman's Agreements', but there are no rules. The only thing keeping these 'agreements' in place is one's moral code. Do you think for one second if breaking one of these rules were the difference between winning and losing, and killing or dying, you or your enemy aren't going to take advantage of it? Damn straight you are. All is fair in war.

And right now, we're in the middle of a good one. On one side, I see some folks crying about our allies this and our allies that. On the other, I see a lot of premature gloating. To the former, I say this: Quit your belly aching, pick up a tank or two and get out there and kick some a$$. Do you really need someone else to do it for you? To the latter, I say this: Go ahead and gloat. You've earned it, for now. But this being war, and all being fair in war, the tables will turn eventually, and you'll be the ones crying about rules and fairness. All is fair in war.

The battlefield isn't the only arena that war takes place either. It comes in many different forms. Recently, the eUSA has seen a pretty stellar war in the form of politics, and that war still rages. Loathing politics, but loving war, I've been watching from the sidelines and was very happy to see some folks step up and use our enemies own tactics against them. There has been a certain individual (*cough* ajay *cough😉 running around like that annoying kid down the block in a game of tag shouting, "No tag backs! No tag backs!" every time we use the same tactics against him and his cronies. Guess what? Eventually, you're going to get tagged back. Right in the head. Tough break buddy, but all is fair in war.




*Got a burning question? Does it burn when you pee? Then ask Dogpyle! With over forty years of experience in B.S., it's guaranteed he'll be able to answer your question, however incorrectly. Submit your questions by PM (subject: Dear Dogpyle) and receive 1 gold if your question is used in print. Remain anonymous by request.*

Dear Dogpyle.
I think bald guitarists are sexy. Is there something wrong with me?
~Kara Beth

Dear Kara Beth,
Yes. Something is very wrong with you. Very, very wrong. Now, if we were talking about someone specific, like say, Joe Satriani, I'd be ok with it, because, well, he's Joe Satriani. Amiright? But every day guitarists? Plain wrong.

Come on over to low end, Kara. Bald bass players are where you'll find the deep action.



Dear Dogpyle,
Who is a better QB Aaron Rodgers or Brett Favre?
~Clydeo

Dear Clydeo,
I could go digging in the archives and pull up stats like TD to INT ratios, wins and losses, QB rating, 4th quarter comebacks and all that. But I'll tell you what. I've sat down almost every Sunday (during the season, of course) and watched the Pack for as long as I can remember and I can say this; it's a rare occasion to watch Aaron Rodgers throw an interception to a wide open defender to end the game. Whether trying to come from behind, or clinging to a small lead, I'll take Aaron Rodgers over Brett "the traitor" Favre any day of the week.



Dear Dogpyle,
My farts are varied in their smell. Sometimes they are your typical gaseous poop smell, sometimes they smell like rotten eggs. Sometimes, on special days, they smell like death. My question is: why do I get Boners when other people fart?
Dalan Di Celes

Dear Dalan,
I need you to do me a favor. Get help. The professional kind.
(I have to admit, I LMAO when I read this)



Dear Dogpyle,
What is your favorite part about playing this game.
~Playing Favorites

Dear Favorites,
Bia Pandora. Aside from inspiring me to write, and being my favorite critic, and being one tough cookie (I love cookies), she's also my elust.

Peace, Love, and Happiness. Dogpyle out.