Join the new world

I am a new citizen of Pakistan, being under two months here in this great nation. And what I have seen here is amazing, and pure, and it has humbled me to the point of exhaustion. So, I am here to tell you the story of my first day here in this great nation of Pakistan. Praise Dio, for he is the one who brought me to all of you, and to him.

It was June, or maybe July, and I got an instant message on my computer from a dear friend, Rimtlan. Now, before I came here, I lived in the USA, a nation of dirty traitors and generally horrible people. I would walk down to the market every day, to pick up a batch of apples, when I would be cavorted endlessly by 'lulz' and Emerick propaganda. I became sick of it all. In any case, my good friend Rimtlan said that I should come to Pakistan, where all were free- I said, 'why the hell not?' and bought a plane ticket. It was a long flight, with very few people on board. The one other man, who seemingly picked a spot right next to me for no apparent reason(as there were several more spots all along the plane), began speaking to me in an odd manner. He told me of how Pakistan should have a 'new age', and that he needed help if he and his colleagues were to achieve this.

Now, like any wise-minded person, I told him to kindly f*ck off. He slapped me, with a rather girly, weak slap, and, butthurt as he was, stormed into the VIP section. I shrugged, and kept watching my in-flight movie which so happened to be Tenacious 😨 The Pick of Destiny. I chuckled heartily. It was several more hours. The plane came to a stop, and I walked off of it and out of the airport. There, on the side of a large, ornamental building, was a massive poster of the God-Emperor Dio Brando, with several heathens under it with protest boards proclaiming their allegiance to the Milli Vanilli party. I laughed at the man who came up to tell me his lies, and pushed him into the gutter. I did not need some pitiful political protesters to muddy my stay in Pakistan, did I? I did not.

I met with my friend, Rimtlan, in front of the Falcon University of Creative Knowledge. A grand, gaudy University, it immediately caught my attention at the grandness of this great country. "Ah, Kalyu(as this is what he calls me), it's very good to see you! Dio.." This is where I cut him off. "Who is Dio?" He looked at me with a sort of blank, deathly stare. He immediately pushed me, quite literally, into the nearest political office and shoved a Book of Dio into my hands and telling me where my apartment would be located. I stared at the book, not understanding it's meaning, but from that night for two weeks I studied the book, being caught by just the first word- In.

After my fast from forgetting to eat while studying the Book, I ran outside and shoved some sand into my mouth. I, on my knees, flung my arms towards the sky, and screamed 'I am free!' for all of Pakistan and Indonesia to hear. I quickly went and joined the Diamond is Unbreakable party, voted for the appointed politicians, and praised Dio every night before and after linner. I called Rimtlan, and told him of my newfound wisdom, which he responded with a rather hearty 'HEEEEEEEE' and a very scary laugh which I fear to this day. I started working at a Pakistani company, 'Pills Here', where workers, after completing a batch of pills, would scream 'PEELS HERE!'. It was a most unusual, but enlightening experience to see workers so enthusiastic at their jobs. Unfortunately, it would not last. The resources for the company fell through, and I was forced to find another job. And now, here I am in this great-paying job at Pork Swords.

Today, I woke up, and saw yet another article explaining the position of Pakistan to the Milli Vanillis. Pakistan, why can't we all just agree that Dio is the God-Emperor of Pakistan? I cannot fathom to believe who would reject Him. I have seen the videos of him smiting his enemies- He does it ruthlessly, without regard to letting the enemy get out their word, and I have even seen him punch through a spinning blade. Is this not proof enough? You walk the very sand he created, how is that not sufficient?

And so, we come to the end of my story. Or, maybe the beginning of my career here in Pakistan- There is so much yet to be done, so much to accomplish, that I hope all of you will welcome me with open arms.

tl;dr:
PRIDE
POWER
PAKISTAN!