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A YOUNG ventriloquist was doing a show in Accrington . With his dummy
on his knee, he started going through his usual dumb blonde jokes, when
a blonde in the second row stood on her chair and started shouting:
"I've heard enough of your stupid blond jokes," she screamed. "What
makes you think you can stereotype women in that way? What does the
colour of person's hair have to do with her worth as a human being? It's
people like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the
community and from reaching our full potential as people. It's all
because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against
not only blondes, but women in general - and all in the name of humour."

The embarrassed ventriloquist began to apologise, whereupon the blonde
Yelled, "You stay out of this. I'm talking to that little bastard on
Your lap.



A man on his Harley was riding along a California beach when suddenly the sky clouded above his head and, in a booming voice, God said, 'because you have tried to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish.'

The biker pulled over and said, 'Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can ride over anytime I want.'

God replied, 'Your request is materialistic; think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking; the supports required reaching the bottom of the Pacific and the concrete and steel it would take! I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of something that could possibly help mankind.'

The biker thought about it for a long time. Finally, he said, 'God, I wish that I, and all men, could understand women; I want to know how she feels inside, what she's thinking when she gives me the silent treatment, why she cries, what she means when she says nothing's wrong, why she snaps and complains when I try to help, and how I can make a woman truly happy.
God replie😛 'You want two lanes or four on that bridge...?"




Wife texts husband on a cold winter’s morning: "Windows frozen, won't open."

Husband texts back: "Gently pour some lukewarm water over it."

Wife texts back 5 minutes later: "Computer really buggered now."