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Dear Editor,

I would like to use your newspaper to make the population of our glorious nation aware of the distress that we, citizens of Chengdu, are experiencing.

As many of my neighbours, I was born in China when it was an independent nation, not a part of the Holy Empire of Pakistan. Back in those times, we were oppressed by a cruel, dreadful tyranny. We all needed to toil for sixteen, sometimes twenty hours a day. Even children, pregnant women, the old and the sick were forced to work long hours by our cruel overlords, who never hesitated to flog those who didn't produce enough with their huge whips. The overlords didn't respect anyone but their masters: tall, fair-skinned, blonde men who came from time to time to inspect what we were doing, speaking in a strange language of grunts and squeals.

I still remember the joy among my family and friends when the great nation of Pakistan put an end to those days of misery. The greedy Chinese government declared war to Pakistan, attacking nightly and by surprise. But the Chinese soldiers were not motivated, for they were also slaves forced into battle, so the brave, well-trained Pakistani troops found the fight easy. After capturing some prisoners of war and questioning them, the Pakistani learned about our misery and decided to put an end to the repugnant, bloodthirsty Chinese regime.

Thus our overlords were stripped of their power, and we were integrated into the great nation of Pakistan. We were shown the ways of Dio, He himself talked to each of us in person and embraced each of us in His holy arms. We were given new clothes, and fed delicious experimental bacon and cookies with bees in them. We were given freedom, and allowed to work in Pakistani countries for a fair wage. We were saved, we were illuminated, we were born again.

But sadly, it seems that there are some people in foreign countries who want to return us to our state of slavery. Foreign citizens are appearing in our region, claiming to defend a so-called "Chinese Liberation Front", to separate China from Pakistan. What nonsense, when it is precisely our integration in the glorious Pakistani empire that has brought freedom to our people!

Of course, I haven't seen any real Chinese citizen supporting this deceitful Front, but many of us are a bit worried. We think that these foreigners might be slave dealers or some other kind of criminals. Of course, we the Chinese people will defend our region and Pakistan with all our means. But we would like more support from the PMF in our regions, in order to feel safe in our streets, as we have always felt since we were integrated into this holy nation.

I hope you publish my letter understanding that I prefer to remain anonymous, since I have a family with small children and I fear possible retaliation by these foreign wrongdoers.

-- Signe😛 An anonymous reader, Chengdu, Pakistan