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99 Problems, But a Troll Ain't One

Day 976, 23:57 Published in USA USA by Claire Littleton
99 Problems, But a Troll Ain’t One

Jay-Z Song Lyrics
Real Song

If you're havin' troll problems i feel bad for you son
I got 99 problems but a SEEs Fgt ain't one

[Verse One]
I got my fgt patrol on the troll patrol
Trolls that wanna make sure my gender’s disclosed
SEEs critics they say she's "Drama, Whore, Homos"
I'm from the NYC stupid, of course I’m for the Mo’s
If you grew up with nerds tryin’ to get in your holes
You'd be celebrating the minute you wasn’t havin' trolls
I'm like f*** SEES, you can kiss my whole vaghole
If you don't like my message you can X out the window
I got beef with the geeks if i don't give a tittie show
They call me a man, I wkwkwk, sh** SO?
Britfgts try and abuse my blonde ass
Guess what, doesn’t phase this lass, scrabbers
I don't know what you take me as,
Or understand the intelligence you think Emerick has
I'm from USWP to the WH, bitches, I ain't dumb
I got 99 problems but SEEs ain't one
Scrab me

99 problems but the trolls ain’t one
If you're havin' SEEs problems i feel bad for you son
I got 99 problems but a troll ain't one
Scrab me

[Verse Two]
The month’s August and my patience is low
In my ear Tom McDougal cries, I can’t take no mo’
I got two choices: quit Lib PP or continue runnin’ the show
Throw back as much vodka till i drop to the floor
Throw Emerick out of the CP race and ragequit fo’ sho’
Put myself on the ballot for shi*s and giggles galore
So I... do it and Emerick comes runnin’ for sure
I heard "Why aren’t you runnin’ me, I’ma cry, whore?"
Cause I'm young and I'm blonde and you’re mentally slow?
Do I look like the guy who raped you when you be in jail, I don't know...
Are you gonna bitch and moan and turn everyone against me some mo’?
"Well I thought you was my friend but turned into a hoe"
"I guess me bringing personal sh** into the game was low”
"Look, put me back on the ballot and I’ll let you drink your SoCo"
I ain't puttin’ you on sh** my reasoning is legit
"Well, do you mind if I perve around and fondle your cli*?"
Well my blood alcohol is high and I’m sick of this shi*
And I know you got buttraped when you were in the clink...
“But I really wanna be PotUS, please baby, what you think?”
“I know I j/o to Asian boys, you want proof, here’s the link”
“So can I please run for office, yeah or what?”
Yah, I’m done with the game and Tom McDougal’s a butt
Have fun presidenting it up and making HR your slut
"I love you so much, when I think of you I come"
I got 99 problems but Emeric ain't one
Scrab me

99 Problems but a troll ain't one
if you havin Emerick problems
I feel bad for you son
I got 99 problems but a troll ain't one
scrab me

[Verse Three]
Now once upon a time a few weeks ago
A bitch like myself had a troll callin me a hoe
This is not a hoe in the sense of findin’ men to blow
But a bitch havin no loyal friends, sayin’ f*** Dio
I tried to ignore him and talked to Deleruin,
He said, “Bitchsmack his ass, forget about him.”
I <3 Deleruin, he maybe a gay, but thats no sin. (Ajay, take note)
A few weeks later BradleyReala asked me to join his admin
I said fu** yeah, dude... I'ma get to campaignin’
New War Mod out, battles out the ass, in come the shouts
Shi* went bad, shoutin’ and callin’ Brad out
Trollers be sayin’ “he sucks, worst ever, no doubt”
And here I go trapped in the derp-derp again
Back beatin’ off the trolls with the sarcasm again
Takin’ lots of shi* and bein’ a bitch again
Administration with their backstabbin’ be hurtin’ him
Not to name any names, but the VP and Gulden
You’re supposed to back him even if you don’t agree with him
Hater’s be waitin’ 6 days to impeach again
And watch I’ma get a lotta hate for harrasin' them
Tryin to back my friends and probably gonna be supportin’ Krem
But ain't nothin wrong 'bout how I have my fun
I got 99 problems being a bitch ain't one.
Scrab me

*Things you need to know to understand this.
1) I ragequit last August when I was the Lib PP
2) Emerick and I go way back
3) Emerick spent some time in the joint.
4) My “fgt” patrol are my pimped out gays. You know who you are.
5) I think that even if you don’t agree with what the president is doing, if you are on his administration, your job is to be loyal and disagree with him in private, not on the forums or in the press. If you don’t like it then resign, and then talk shi*.

Oh yeah, sub to my paper for more gangstahoe shi*, thanks.


Dave Richards
Dave Richards Day 976, 23:59

Littleton for CP?

Claire Littleton
Claire Littleton Day 977, 00:02


Alfred Ball
Alfred Ball Day 977, 00:05

Unless 95% of eUSA is troll I have to say BR is the worst POTUS to ever grace your country.

john richards
john richards Day 977, 00:16

How many feminist military groups are you apart of in rl?

Claire Littleton
Claire Littleton Day 977, 00:18

Why, because I tells it how I sees it, that makes me a feminist?

But, about 3.

GLaDOS Day 977, 00:21

claire is a butt

Woxan Day 977, 00:21


Holen Day 977, 00:24

woxan that sounds pretty great...

Claire Littleton
Claire Littleton Day 977, 00:26

You know, GlaDOS, you were originally the butt. Not Tom... but Tom is kinda cool, so I used him instead.

Pfeiffer. Day 977, 00:26

I lol'd hard.

Publius Day 977, 00:29

6/10 for effort
2/10 for style 3/10 for article

gagah Day 977, 00:30


Claire Littleton
Claire Littleton Day 977, 00:33

To me, Publius, you commenting here is a 10/10 for me.

gagah Day 977, 00:36

I feel like I'm being invited to a rap battle. If you would you like to battle rap against me, I accept.

gagah Day 977, 00:38

Ho, you a trick
You can suck my dick
I think your rap is lame
Guess what, you just lost the game

Tyrannocopters Day 977, 00:39

D'AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW, I wish I was creative, I would write a song for you <3 but ya......I'm untalented ;-;

Tupac is Alive
Tupac is Alive Day 977, 00:40


FetusBong Day 977, 00:49

So you change lyrics to a song instead of trying to get people out of Cali?

Instead of organizing a fight against the Russians?

Instead of saving Croatia?

Instead of doing anything productive?


FetusBong Day 977, 00:51

P.S. Quote Woxan:


Claire Littleton
Claire Littleton Day 977, 00:54

It's 4am. Who am I going to organize. I don't know shit about the military... you really want me organizing? Besides, I thought this was rather productive, thank you.

Sahand.M Day 977, 00:55


Chisholm Day 977, 01:28

I'm glad you take time off caring for your poor vomiting fellow alcoholic to post this quality article.

Toki Wartooth
Toki Wartooth Day 977, 01:37

Shit is off the chain yo.

Do the kids still say "off the chain"? Did they ever?

Kazeal Day 977, 01:46


Alee Ann
Alee Ann Day 977, 01:46

This article was like flypaper for some of your target troll audience. I lol'd....then voted.

gagah Day 977, 01:51

You know you're doing something wrong when Alee Ann is posting something positive

Alee Ann
Alee Ann Day 977, 01:54

When gagah is worried enough about what you say or do to troll your postings, it is then that you know your game name carries weight.

Tepwnzor Day 977, 02:15

I enjoyed this profusely.

Candor Day 977, 03:39

"I think that even if you don’t agree with what the president is doing, if you are in his administration, your job is to be loyal and disagree with him in private, not on the forums or in the press. If you don’t like it then resign, and then talk shi*."

-True in real life, true in game. Honorable is honorable.

P.S. I wager Emerick wins the battle of wits, prediction. But pulling up a seat for the longhaul. Who's got popcorn?

Pug Johnson
Pug Johnson Day 977, 04:40

Your tears fuel me.

George Armstrong Custer
George Armstrong Custer Day 977, 04:45

New York... well, that explains everything.
gotta get me some-a that fgt-lovin' blond vaghole!
okay, serious..
Presidents are critcized for loading their Cabinet with buddies-- they call them trusted advisors. then you get a guy who goes non-partisan, then doesn't have the support in his own house to run the show with proper strength.
I seem to remember the PigInZen administration going a lot like this. great soldier, mediocre polititian, non-partisan Cabinet fractioned and factioned on him.
hmm... soldiers in politics, going non-partisan and being screwed for their fairness. wonder why there's such loud resistance from a very loud group to the idea of having more soldiers in Congress-- and if I'm not mistaken, soldiers come in all manner of political affiliation.

BeDva Day 977, 06:04

bradley reala burn in hell!!
(from croatia with love)

Claire Littleton
Claire Littleton Day 977, 06:29

Pug, the only tears you be seein' are the ones fallin from you dick after GlaDoS sucked it dry... bitch.

I'm really enjoying this vulgar dirty rap persona without fear from being banned by mods.

The Libertine
The Libertine Day 977, 07:23

Epic. I <3 Claire

Turd Fergusen
Turd Fergusen Day 977, 07:48

Ouch you got burned by Emerick

Jamarcus Day 977, 08:08


Richard Brophy
Richard Brophy Day 977, 08:43


Nico Julia
Nico Julia Day 977, 09:31

I loved the rap. lol Good going! CLARIE FOR FLORIDA>.<

I've little interest in epolitical drama but the rap was clever, even though I gotta say Jay-Z is Ice-T's bitch. Voted.

johnpauljones Day 977, 11:03

Jay-z's Black Album is a p. good album

Claire Littleton
Claire Littleton Day 977, 12:40

Fo shizzle.

Turd, the only thing burnt in this joint
is Emericks ass when he was raped at gunpoint
Now it hurts every time the poor fgt takes a shi*
Too bad he wasn't smart enough to tell the guy to use spit

Krems Holdings
Krems Holdings Day 977, 13:15

/me trolls

Krems Holdings
Krems Holdings Day 977, 13:21

@Custer: You really are a retard. BR <b>did</b> load his cabinet with buddies.

Claire Littleton
Claire Littleton Day 977, 13:39

Boys, if you insult each other, you have to do it rap form. Thank you.

Torin Asunder
Torin Asunder Day 977, 13:40

@Custer: Also, RL military may be fine in kongress. But as much as this game tries to imitate it, this isn't RL. The majority of the milfags in here have no idea what they're doing when in politics, except to rally around the VERY few that do. There's a reason they're in the military. Because they need someone to tell them what to do instead of think for them self.

Alee Ann
Alee Ann Day 977, 13:47

This gets better each return trip.

Claire Littleton
Claire Littleton Day 977, 13:51

If you gonna be hatin' in this ar-ti-cle
You best be rappin', I ain't playin' fool.
Strap on your black and kick it up
If not, you best go put on a ballsack cup.
Scrab me.

Really, rap your hate and then we'll ejaculate (to how awesome you are).

Torin Asunder
Torin Asunder Day 977, 14:08

Your raps are so fail,
You should go to jail,
Leave it to the bros,
Go hang with your hos,
Just go get drunk, since you're already sunk,
And think of this, /me grabs his junk

Claire Littleton
Claire Littleton Day 977, 14:16

Bravo, the last 2 lines were pretty epic.... the first 4 were amateur at best.

Turd Fergusen
Turd Fergusen Day 977, 14:18

Hey Claire your rapping is weak
Emerick's was fckin sleek
Have you heard he is great
hes a sexual frieght
so Claire quit yo bitchin
and get back to the kitchin


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You are reading an article written by a citizen of eRepublik, an immersive multiplayer strategy game based on real life countries. Create your own character and help your country achieve its glory while establishing yourself as a war hero, renowned publisher or finance guru.