Hey germs and squirms! Trekker “spanksalot” Tlumac here, coming to you from the frozen abyss of near spring. I kid, I kid. It’s finally above freezing sometimes during the day around here. We all know what that means! Erm. Actually, I guess that most of you wouldn’t know what that means.
Winter is no longer coming. It means that winter is no longer coming.
But more precisely, in this case, it means that it is time for the March Country Presidential elections! I have reached out to many Party Presidents in search of who might be running for the illustrious office of ePotus. Firstly, thank you to all the Party Presidents of the top 10 parties for getting back to me so quickly. It was greatly appreciated to hear back from all of you.
Once I got an idea of who intended to run for CP, I reached out to the candidates themselves and asked if they would like to make a statement to me about them and their campaign.
At the time of writing there are four candidates running this cycle. They are:
Herr Vootsman of the Federalist Party. He is supported by USWP, the 506, and SFP.
Dominar Rygel XVI of We The People, supported by E Pluribus Unum and The Unknown Alliance .
Joshua A Norton of Old Farts United. His candidacy is supported by the Black Bloc party and QAnon.
Elmore James of the Party of Love
At the time of printing I was able to get statements from two of the candidates, Herr and Dominar. They were asked about their eHistory and their reasoning for running this cycle. Below I have included their words.
Greetings! My name is Herr Vootsman and I am running for Country President.
My story begins back in 2009. I was born in California during the Indonesian Occupation. Thanks to support from the Flying Unicorn Squadron, I was given a plane ticket to evacuate to the former fortress state of New Jersey. With the help of the local Q5 Hospital and donated food, I joined the fight against the combined forces of Russia, Indonesia, Portugal, and France. We eventually were victorious. Although I have never been the strongest tank or the richest gold beast, I have always worked to support eUSA typically as a behind the scenes worker, distributing food, weapons, houses or money. My general strategy was to be a multiplier – if I can get people involved or sufficient, they can contribute more than I can as an individual.
I have a long track record of reliable work, both in Government and Military (was in Mobile Infantry back in the day). I have been in numerous cabinets over the last few years. My roles tend to involve the time-consuming tasks of sending out food or money, but sometimes I render my opinion (or more commonly, merely provide witty banter). I work well with people from the various parties. Over the years, our alliances have changed, and while former friends are now enemies, and former enemies are now allies, I have continued to maintain cordial relations people on both sides. I plan to continue this if I am elected.
Dominar Rygel XVI :
I have lived my entire eLife in the eUS. I was looking for geopolitical strategy games, and eRepublik came up as one of the top results, and the rest is eHistory. But basically I spent years as a glorified two-clicker in the Black Sheep Party! I then became more acquainted with this inspiring player by the name of Chickensguys and joined forces with him in the Socialist Freedom Party, during which time I served as Comrade Chairman. Then there was an ugly scuffle and a large group of us graciously accepted Oblige's decision to join a dying WTP, and the rest is history. I've been Party President here 9 times, we've built a party we're really proud of, and I hope to be able to bring the same to the eUSA and follow in the footsteps of our greatest President!
I think my resume speaks for itself. I've had extensive experience in government, and being Country President is really the culmination of all of that. I'm going to be real with people. As it stands now, we will be wiped this time next month with any sort of conventional thinking. Put me in office and I will try my best to put my signature style to work to save our country. I think differently than others, and I got the government cred. to boot.
To the American people, you re-elected our President by a massive 2-1 margin. I will continue his legacy, and even try to improve on it in whatever way I can. If you've been happy with this leadership, then I ask for your trust and support in this next term. Let's Keep America Great!
It should be noted that my own party, the 506 ran a primary in our discord and the winner was Herr Vootsman. I mention this point because I do not have time to dedicate a full article to our choice.
Yes, this is a small plug for the 506. Mwahaha. We are excited to be a part of the community. Come check us out on our discord, or read some of our recent media, maybe starting here. Okay. Plug over.
Voting takes place on Friday, March 5th. So remember to get out there and vote! Thanks for reading.
Until next time,
Trekker “lizard king” Tlumac