[Tutorial]How to Announce Your Cabinet

Day 4,637, 08:10 Published in USA USA by Krapis

Here we all are, learning together how to run for President and succeed. And since you’ve all had a chance to read the first article in this series, How to Run for Country President, you’ll surely be wondering what your next step should be.

You need a Cabinet. And if you were diligent about following my advice, you should have a fairly clear idea about that by now.

If you’re struggling a little bit about how to put your Cabinet together, my first advice is to begin with the person or people who have most inspired you in this game. Talk to them. Get help. Nobody has to know how recklessly you made your decision to run for CP, it’s too late for that. You’re in. Now it’s time to call in all your favors.

In my preparations, I’ve invoked the wisdom of such figures as Tyler Bubblar, dmjohnston, Gnilraps, Baby Groot, Chickensguys, WhydoIbotherToo, and others. Let me tell you, everyone I have consulted with has been incredibly helpful. I am indebted to all of them and they deserve co-author credit for this series of articles!

Now let’s review the standard Cabinet posts as I delineated them in my previous tutorial.

Vice President (Try to pick someone from a different political party than your own.)
Chief of Staff (This person needs to be active and inspire others to be active too.)
Defense Secretary (To take care of the ins and outs of your battle mechanics.)
Interior Secretary (To maintain robust programs for the benefit of citizens of eUSA.)
Secretary of Foreign Affairs (To maintain open lines of communication around the eWorld.)
Education Secretary (To maintain a steady flow of information to the citizens of eUSA.)
Secretary of Media (To publish regular WHPR articles ingame.)
Press Secretary (To entertain the masses with regular Press Briefings in the eusaforums.)
Advisors (People who actually do everything while you sit back and take all the credit.)

PROTIP: I totally copy/pasted that list from my last article. You are running for CP now, so you need to look for ways to cut corners - ways to make yourself look smarter than you actually are - ways to plagiarize good ideas, whether they came from your own newspaper or someone else’s. As you will see shortly, and in my next tutorial: “How to Communicate Your Agenda”, I have done plenty of plagiarizing! Just call it “flattery” and you’re good to go!

Ok, so you realize this is the most important moment of your campaign, right? You realize that nobody really gives a diddle about YOU, right? They want to know who will be pushing the buttons, making the decisions, and whispering in your ear all month long. They want to know that their party’s key people have a role in government too.

So before you even think to publish your Cabinet Announcement article, make sure you’ve got your ducks in a row.

Let’s start with your Chief of Staff.

Why? Because five out of every seven days during your reign as CP, you will be drinking way too much Vodka, and it will be your Chief of Staff who gets things going for you the following morning while you are sleeping it off. This is a proven fact, so don’t even. Rumor has it that some CP’s spent their entire terms drunk as a skunk!

Of course, even if you are a teetotaler like I am most days, you can’t do everything.

Primarily, your Chief of Staff needs to have people skills. Sometimes your Cabinet will pretend it doesn’t exist for a few days and you need someone who can motivate them to reappear without losing sight of the fact that this is just a browser game.

My Chief of Staff, by the way, is RacoonGoon. He’s a guy who always knows how to remind everyone how important they are and how valuable their work is. I know this because he does it on a daily basis in the Easy Company back rooms.

But you’re not here to hear about my CoS, you’re here to figure out how to announce your own cabinet, so let’s move on.

A few paragraphs ago, I suggested that you seek out wisdom from more experienced players, then plagiarize it! That’s exactly what I intend to do.

Which is why I am taking a page out of Gnilraps’ book and announcing that the Vice President in our upcoming government will be none other than greeling. In my interactions with AMP party president Eric Vanderberg, I told him I would try to get someone from his party involved (in addition to the ubiquitous Evry). Greeling fits the bill, except he’s dead. As soon as he comes back to life, he's VP.

On a more serious note, when you are preparing to announce your cabinet, you need to discern what aspects of government may be most important during the upcoming month. You need to put your best people to work in the most critical areas of your cabinet.

I believe that, having departed from CODE, our most compelling issues are in the Foreign Affairs department. So I have discovered the most capable and savvy international diplomat, someone with experience and a level head who will work to improve eUSA’s standing in the global community, just as he has done in the past. That person is Carlos3652.

Another brilliant citizen who deserves to be plagiarized is our current CP, Tyler Bubblar. Not only will he be remaining on as an advisor during my term as CP, but I intend to keep in place all of the capable people serving in various roles, such as King Taco, zRTx, Aersidius, King Harambe, Paul Proteus (who may be more dead than greeling!) and as many of our recent CP’s as I can find. I will benefit from having Baby Groot and Chickensguys advising me as well.

I also look forward to seeing what Lord Beerus plans to do as your new Secretary of Media! Expect greatness!

And this brings me to my last tip in learning how to announce your cabinet. You don’t need to have all of your ducks completely in a row on the day you publish your cabinet article. For instance, I am working on a very exciting new Cabinet model which will involve each Political Party in the process of national government. In order to get that all put together, it will take a little more time.

So be willing to publish your stuff even if you aren’t totally organized yet. If you’re lucky, people will stop reading several paragraphs ago and won’t even notice that you’ve kind of cut your article a little short.

But before I go, let’s get one more look at the all-star lineup who will be joining me to make the August term so exciting:

Racoon Goon
Tyler Bubblar
King Taco
King Harambe
Baby Groot
Lord Beerus
Mentha Viridis
Gnilraps (!)
...and more!

Look for my next Tutorial called, “How to Communicate Your Agenda