KERALA, Pakistan - Good morning, Pakistan. I've announced a while ago that I intend to give titles to both Dioists and Non-Dioists as rewards to their contributions towards peace, and today's as good a day as any to spread the love. These titles are to be lauded and respected in our great lands, and they shall be respected by all in our peaceful dominion.
The titles being awarded are going to be of varying ranks in the Order of Dio Brando. I haven't received word from the Admins if I'm allowed to excommunicate, expatriate, or otherwise condemn citizens, so all of the titles given today will be positive. All of these titles can be revoked without notice.
The Imperial Knights of Dio Brando will be a group of both Dioists and Non-Dioists who have made great contributions to the spread of pride, power, and peace to those who are pig disgusting. All Knights should be addressed by the honorific 'Sir' in the Holy Empire of Pakistan and elsewhere. The Dioists and Non-Dioists shall not be discriminated, and the title can only be given by Dio Brando, God Emperor of Pakistan and Switzerland, by myself, the Supreme Priest of Dioism, and by our Great Prophets, Altnabla, William Walker, and Ma1kel.
Sir Francois Fotzelecker III for defecating into three of the five oceans;
Sir Franco for his admirable trolling of the entire United States via the national treasury and fora;
Sir Bertil Gurkvatten for his evolving past his Swedish brethren past the form of a pig;
Sir Hassan I (Addressed as 'Hassan the First') for his advent of the emoticon 'ب_ب'
Lady Hufflepuff for her great efforts to reestablish an Israeli world presence;
Sir Michael Lewis for his outstanding contributions to making the United States more enjoyable;
Sir Parrot for his recognition of the noble Irish race;
Sir Rockman IX (Addressed as 'Rockman the Ninth') for his delightful encouragement of Thai-Pakistani relations;
Sir Somethingclever for his efforts to pacify the peoples of Romania;
Sir Reshev Villanova for his enlightening and horrifying tales of Brazilian crime;
Sir Gyro Zeppeli for his pacification of the nation of China.
The Heralded Brothers of Dio Brando will be the smallest class in the empire, only given to presidents and illuminati who have given to Dio Brando more than their warmongering countrymen would have legally allowed. These titles shall only be given to the deceased, as a living man bearing the title might wield it too strongly. The titles will also be assigned to the recipients' mononyms if possible. All members of this class shall inherit any and all lesser titles unless otherwise mentioned. The title can only be given by Dio Brando, God Emperor of Pakistan and Switzerland, and by myself, the Supreme Priest of Dioism.
Platonic the Great, or Platonic of Kaua'i for his establishment of Pakistani communications and hierarchy; as well as his proposed establishment of the Hawaiian nation; as well as his hospitality and kindness during the American-Canadian War; as well as his beleaguering of the American populace; as well as his bravery in pursuing his preference of oriental women in their own country;
Nicolae the Great, or Nicolae of Carpathia for his establishment of the People of Earth Associated under Common Excellence; as well as his bridging of the cultures of the Goons and the 4channers; as well as his invention of Catch the Turk; as well as his contribution of the phrase 'cum on your dad' into Pakistani culture.
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