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ISLAMABAD, Pakistan - Okay. I apologize. This is yet another boring ass article about our economy. I promise that it's worth reading, though. If you read all of it, I promise that the next edition of ZA WARUDO will contain a shitload of countryball comics just for you. I'll even give you another training war with Iran if you behave. Kay?

Well then, let's get scratchin'.

After a well-rounded discussion with the Minister of the Interior, pak_land, and Minister of Faggotry, Fruitcommando, we've established a plan on how to fix Pakistan. Right now, Pakistan's economy is hurting in precisely one sector: the job market.

The problem has its roots in the inactivity of the Stardust Crusaders/Diamond is Unbreakable/Vento Aureo parties; our /v/irgin parties used to control virtually all of Pakistan's jobs. When we stopped hiring, the supply of labor increased and the demand decreased to the point where wages fell to 10 PKR for 10 Skill, which is approximately the same case as today. Pakistan's output isn't low at all, either, our problem is wages and nothing more. In the absence of Dio Brando's mighty socialists, Falcon, JKD003, and Kurotsuchi Mayuri, Pakistan's wages fell out of state control.

That's where I come in.

In the past, I've kept my hands out of the economy -- despite having a knack for economics, I find the field tedious and intellectually unrewarding -- and left our brilliant monopolists to do what they do best. However, that's simply not possible anymore; the Pakistani Space Program is run by a single man, Gyro_Zeppeli, who has loyally ran the organization for ages. As resourceful and thrifty as he is, Gyro shouldn't have to run our entire economy on his own.

It's time for the Dioist Republic of Pakistan to socialize the market yet again.

As I had touched on in my previous article, I plan to start with three state-run companies for new players that will also serve as our first line of defense against political takeovers. These companies will provide the lowest wages in the country, as they're intended to be the first stepping stone for new players to jump into the sands of Pakistan.

But wait! There's more! I also intend to federalize as many of our native companies as possible under a newly (re)formed Ministry of the Economy so that all native Pakistani companies can be endorsed by the state. Additionally, the Minister of the Economy will be tasked in commanding Pakistan's labor to work in certain companies.

Why, you ask? Think about it: if all of Pakistan's labor acted as a whole (as we have in the past), we can easily raise wages without shitloads of inflation. If foreigners are outsourcing to us for cheap labor, then we can simply not work in their companies. This will lead to them raising their wages to compete with the state, as they have in the past. When this happens, some citizens will naturally be drawn to the higher wages. I, or the president and congress at the time, can respond by raising taxes and state wages, and then subsequently lifting our prohibition on foreign companies. Of course, we can't force them to raise their wages from 10 to 30 PKR overnight, but if we do things just right, we can pull it off over the course of a few months without sinking the PKR's exchange rates.

Unfortunately, it's not a quick fix, but that's economics for you. The future can only be predicted by observing the past, and Pakistan's history is rich with economic innovation. We were the first and most successful socialists in the entire fucking game, and we can use what we've learned to fix this mess.

To those of you who've read this article in its entirety, I thank you. ZA WARUDO is normally the avenue for the most relevant news to Pakistan and the Dioist diaspora, and hopefully this rather unfunny article on our wage crisis still falls within this scope. Be sure to post any questions or comments (or scating hatred and criticism of this proposal) in the comments section, or you can just contact me the old fashioned way. Better yet, come and join me in #ePakistan on Rizon for a live chat. You won't be sorry.

This will be my last article on our economy until I meet ZA WARUDO's satire quota. On the next episode of Dragonball Z, we will still be on Namek, but there will be more Countryball comics and pig euphemisms. Maybe I'll question someone's sexuality too; it's been a while since I've cracked a joke about Allan Gordon's two gay dads.


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