[ZW] AH, I'LL BUY IT AT A HIGH PRICE

Day 792, 13:27 Published in Pakistan Pakistan by AgentChieftain

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─ ℤ𝔸 · 𝕎𝔸ℝ𝕌𝔻𝕆─

───────── 時 · よ · 止まれ ─────────

ISLAMABAD, Pakistan - Gentlemen, allow me to present to you, the disciples of Dio Brando and the soldiers of mighty Pakistan, the offers I have received for the corpse of Emerick.

Firstly, I have the offer from Katharos45, a Greek bro who has been our ally since the times of Phaedrus the Great:

"I'm going to take it with me to greece to be buried at Heraklion... Heraklion is a cursed walled off place. we will sit him by Cappelli_king, the most notorious greek president. Even better, we will put him below cappelli. After that, his soul will be trapped in a curse where his worst nightmares come to life, and his soul will not leave. he will also have to listen to Capelli explaining why making 4.3 million GRD was a good thing, and he can't talk back."

Here is an offer from Sir Reshev Villanova, High Priest of Brazil and cross-dressing commissar of hambaga:

"If you get no response from USA, I would like to receive Emericka's body for analysis. Please, send it to our MILITARY LABORATORY FOR ADVANCED HAMBUGA in BROZIL."

Two more requests came from marquis.esoteric, a historian concerned with the struggle of true Heeros against the corrupt Canadian Captains. The first request was fairly straightforwar😨

"My Q5 toilet broke. I am requesting the use of Emerick's body in the meantime while I pray fervently to Dio that it gets fixed."

The second, however, was a telegram (!) with a sense of urgency that I received late last night:

   SIR MARQUIS.ESOTERIC DIOIST REPUBLIC OF PAKISTAN
   TO THE SUPREME PRIEST OF DIOISM ISLAMABAD PAKISTAN

      REQUESTING IMMEDIATE USE OF EMERICK'S DIGESTIVE TRACT STOP
      CANNOT INTO TOILET STOP PRIDE POWER PAKISTAN STOP

      MARQUIS.ESOTERIC

Finally, an offer was received from an unnamed man from Nigeria via email:

"I REQUIRE CADAVER TO SPONSOR A TWO WEEK CRUSADE IN A REMOTE AND FETISH VILLAGE TO RID IT OF ITS AGE LONG FEMALE DEITY BELIEVED TO BE EATING UP FEOTUS/EMBRYO MONTHLY FOR SACRIFISE.MANY ATTEMPTS TO GET RID OF IT PREVIOUSLY HAD SOME RESULTANT FATAL EFFECTS ON THE TEAM BUT NOW,REKNOWNED MEN OF GOD ARE WILLING TO COME WITH ME IF I AM READY.VERY STRONG MEN OF GOD EVEN SOME FROM GHANA."

I couldn't help but notice the trend of increasing caps lock in these requests, especially in the email from the Nigerian fetish crusader. As a matter of fact, I'd like to visit this remote fetish village, more so than the haunted Greek city or the Brazilian military laboratory. Pardon my lust for female deities, but it sounds like a fun night out.

On that note, I bid you farewell.


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