[WHPR] Day 4529: Everything Old is New Again

Day 4,529, 19:26 • Published in USA USA • by James S. Brady Press Room
White House Press Report – Day 4529: Election Primer, Last Chance to Relocate, and Couplet Challenge


Your WHPR press team practicing proper social distancing by not showing up to work, or existing



Dateline: Tuesday, April 14th (Day 4529)
Location: James S. Brady Press Room, The White House

Today’s WHPR
1. Last Chance to Relocate
2. There's an Election Tomorrow!
3. Couplet Challenge




Relocation Program Update
Guy currently holding the microphone, Paul Proteus

See, the hardest thing for me was leaving the life. I still love the life. And we were treated like movie stars with muscle. We had it all, just for the asking. Our wives, mothers, kids, everybody rode along. I had paper bags filled with jewelry stashed in the kitchen. I had a sugar bowl full of coke next to the bed. Anything I wanted was a phone call away. Free cars. The keys to a dozen hideout flats all over the city. I’d bet twenty, thirty grand over a weekend and then I’d either blow the winnings in a week or go to the sharks to pay back the bookies. Didn’t matter. It didn’t mean anything. When I was broke I would go out and rob some more. We ran everything. We paid off cops. We paid off lawyers. We paid off judges. Everybody had their hands out. Everything was for the taking. And now it’s all over. And that’s the hardest part. Today, everything is different. There’s no action. I have to wait around like everyone else. Can’t even get decent food. Right after I got here I ordered some spaghetti with marinara sauce and I got egg noodles and ketchup. I’m an average nobody. I get to live the rest of my life like a schnook.

Oh wait, I'm being informed this is NOT the eWitness protection program, but instead The Relocation Program For Industries in War Zones.

In that case, this is a lot less exciting, but potentially much more applicable! To explain more, I've decided to interview myself to provide the salient details of the program:

What is it?
The government wants to pay YOU to relocate your companies. This way, you can continue working and paying taxes and loving your country while also benefitting from training wars.

Why now? Wasn't this just in the WHPR like a month ago?
It was! But it's extra important to read about it now as the window to take advantage of this program will close in a week or two. If you want to relocate, now's the time!

Fine *grumbles* how do I sign up?
Simple! Make a holding company in a safe region, then click assign companies to the new holding company and screenshot the pop-up that includes the relocation fee and use that screenshot to fill out this form.

The next 5 people to use it will win a set of free steak knives! Wow!

What are you waiting for, go do it now!
Wait, I thought the bold was for questions? Oh whatever.


WHPR sketch of a successful relocation





Party President Elections Tomorrow: 15 mixed drinks to make your party stand out
Resident Expert: Paul Proteus

Parties? What are they? When I was asked to join the WHPR as a co-SecMed and Party expert, I agreed. Why you might ask? Brave reader, a simple miscommunication. I expected to be paid to attend parties and engage in Hunter S Thompson style gonzo journalism reporting back on how many keg stands Cromstar managed before he puked, and why Tyler was just standing in the corner the whole time. Alas, upon showing up on the first day, I was informed this would instead be reporting on "Political Parties". Reader, I nearly wept.

Still, we must soldier on during trying times. So without further ado:

Everything You Need To Know About Tomorrow's Election (but were afraid to ask)


This image is less relevant now than I was hoping

In the grand tradition of educating the citizenry on the political climate, I started by reaching out to the top 5 parties to learn how PP elections work in their parties. I received kind replies from all of them (except from the BSP, but I expect this is because a sheep has been dispatched to answer my inquiry in person) explaining that their parties hold their elections in game, with the exception of the Feds where a primary was held and won by what my notes indicate was a Lovecraftian beast of some sort.

That makes it all the more important that you remember to vote on the 15th. The Party President is an important role. They set the congress list, set their parties CP endorsement, and are in charge of buying mixer.





Couplet Challenge
eUS Poet Laureate's Personal Assistant: Paul Proteus

The White House Press Report can be many things.

It can be educational, and informational. But also, I think, it can be a catalyst for eRepublik's media. It is the government putting the full weight of the executive into the sometimes barren media landscape. Still, grand calls to action generally lead to very little. So, let's start small.

Write a couplet in the comments. Preferably about eRepublik, but anything is fine.

Here's an example:

So, till the judgement that yourself arise,
You live in this, and dwell in lovers' eyes.
-Shakespeare

Here's another:

Writing a WHPR kind of takes a lot of time
but a couplet is easy so long as you have a rhyme!
-Me, hoping you participate


The best couplet wins 1,000 USD


Go!


Your White House Media Team:

Joint Secretaries of Media:
Paul Proteus
Tyler Bubblar



Deputy Director of Media: Hahahahaha


Shout this! (you know you want to)

A New WHPR: Write a Couplet, Win USD!
https://www.erepublik.com/en/article/--2716052
WHPR Day 4529

:These links are certainly all broken now:

::: CURRENT NUMBER OF SUBSCRIBERS: Poisoned Members of the Danish Royal Family :::