Join the new world

It was a hot November afternoon when we first fought the furious fight. We arose, believing our allies were behind us, believing we had the support network of a wonder-bra. But alas we found ourselves surrounded by weak, and unorganized contingents of American soldiers. Among them was the mighty haugenmatt: a brawny American recruit with an impressive strength of 4, fighting bare handed in the nude—albeit an impressive sight in itself. However, after taking down about 25 points in the wall, he fell amongst the city streets: laying in an assortment of confetti, microwavable meat pie wrappers, and plastic Q1 weapons.

Without hesitating, a brave zaney rushed out of the smoke and haze, chanting a war cry reminiscent of an Ozzy Ozbourne song. He rushed upon a pile of rubble surrounded on all sided by Indonesians. In the center of the mound he came upon his nemesis: blink-az. Knowing for sure this was the battle which would define the war, he quickly engaged. He charged upon blink just as Orlando Bloom had charged in Troy, rushing blink shouting: “Rock, paper, scissors, shoot…!!!”

zaney came to with blink-az standing above him: his rock-hard….fist, had defeated zaney’s scissors. “Tu eres lo mas alto!” blink whispered, but upon the sudden realization that Spanish was not his native language, he began chanting: “Saya bermaksud makan roti keju anda, Saya bermaksud makan roti keju anda, I will eat your cheesecake.” A phrase we all know means absolutely nothing. Yet the crowd of dinonesians erupted anyways, screaming: “WKWKWKWKWKWK” and “PERTAMAXX, KEITAMAXX.” zaney had lost…

Cottus Arci witnessing the even on ESPN 8: the Ocho, while on tour with his professional beer-pong team, decided to fly back and assist his struggling countrymen. Cottus was, of course, a born leader. He knew how to motivate his troops and how to lead an army to victory. Unfortunately for eAustralia, he neglected to use these powers to help gain the victory. Instead, he tried motivating the troops by dressing like a cheerleader and shouting indecipherable things at his soldiers. We later found out this was all due to his severe hangover, caused by a competition he had participated in the previous day. Allegations of being “drunk in public” were quickly dropped, however, after it was discovered that 100% of his beer-pong winnings had gone towards funding a Resistance-War after-party.

When the battle finally closed, it was only Derek Apollyon who remained standing with the majority of his clothing intact. Indeed the rape of New South Wales had conquered many of our nation’s most unconquerable figures. The battle had been battle😛 the fight, fought. We had lost our first loss and it hurt—hurt like falling off your bike and scraping your knee and having to wash it off in the bathtub as the water and bubble bath creates a burn. But we moved on. While in our first battle we found the wall as impregnable as a chastity belt, we soon found advancement in the political field and soon a free eAustralia: under the dictatorship of zaney…