[vCP] HELP TO BUY SCHEME

Day 3,522, 10:39 • Published in United Kingdom United Kingdom • by CptChazbeard


You can skip most of this rambling. I'm living in the pub at present so felt theatrical ducky

I've been the vice President/Prime Minister a number of times now and the same question always comes up in my mind; “What – the f*ck – actually is it that a vCP does?”.
At times it feels like a sort of janitorial role, an oddjob man, whittling away at the days just doing a little bit of that, a little bit of this. “My wife has leaky pipework...sounds like a job for *da da da* El Vice Presidente!”

It often feels like a lonely and empty job with no real purpose or aim in life, like an actor without a role. Staring blankly out of my rain strewn window I decided to get amongst the great unwashed, venture outside and look for where I can help out in out great eNation.



With top hat on, I walked the streets of Oxford twiddling my cane whilst whistling a cheery ditty called “My Neck, My Back” by songstress Khia.
What was immediately striking as my blakeys tapped along the filthy cobbles was, firstly, that people had set up numerous companies in the South East of England (why?) and secondly...I was the only person that uses a house in the region. We're not just talking a few multies but actual active players, batshit insane players with companies in SEoE (why?), whose names I recognised.

“Eeeegad!...” I thought “The peasants in my town don't even have homes, those poor poor dahlings!”

I ventured further afield across the entire breadth of the eUK to see how great of an issue this is. It isn't as bad in some of our more prosperous regions as one would expect, but the numbers are still grim.
The stark reality truly hit home however when I bravely crossed over Hadrian's Wall to look at wild Scotsmen in their natural habitats.

I came across a pitiful specimen, barely recognisable as a human, with his grubby hand out asking for cash to buy Heroin to drink and Irn Bru to inject.

“Z...Zaphod...dat u bruv?” I enquired. His weary eyes, void of any will or hope, met mine and his scabby lips opened.
“Gib money. Gib CP. Down with Capitalism”


Oh Zaphod. Dear sweet Prince what happened to you?


I wept into a £50 note – that I would have given to him had I cared – after this harrowing meeting. Formerly one of the eUK's most community driven players reduced to begging for votes on the streets of Edinbuuuuurrr.

This can't go on! The government must do something!

Enraged I found the nearest government minister, which happened to be me, threw myself to the ground and started smashing my own face into the floor demanding that something is done to sort out the housing crisis.

I arose from this self inflicted beating feeling a stronger woman than ever before. “I have a purpose in eLife! I am a government member with no buttons to push but something to do!!! Huzzah!”

And thus...

What dis?
On the surface this is simply a scheme to help players get on the property ladder so to speak. Going by averages (i.e. guesswork) then any eUKer who regularly works and uses the overtime points gained from a Q1 house will earn enough extra cash to buy another house at the end of the week and have a bit more cash in his pockets.

As with all of my nefarious schemes there is of course a deep dark underbelly to this. Firstly I believe this will increase the demand for houses and the supply will meet such demand, on the surface this is just a winner.

Not only that the calibre of player that I believe will reap the benefits most from this scheme is also the same kinda player we ideally want fighting in aviation primarily these days. Our pilots' sexual prowess on the battle field is measured by how many kills they do, so the more fighting the quicker their prowess increases. Houses increase the rate of energy recovery (important for those who fight as often as possible) and increase the health pool (important for those who only fight once daily...a Q1 house equates to an extra EBs worth of fighting each day).

I WILL PUBLISH DETAILS IN A SEPERATE ARTICLE ABOUT MARKET IMPACT, DAMAGE ETC ETC...there're a lot of numbers and variables to run through and this articles word count is already too long!





Questions? feck off I'm down le Pub




Hugs n Kisses
Chaz
xxx






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