The funniest jokes ever told -1
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lord of the light
Hello everyone,
My friends or not, the creation of this new Newspaper will be fun for the whole community of eRepublik;
But more important, for its owner to earn a Media Mogul (only 1000 subscriptions will be required).
Every day will be edited new jokes and give more motivation to continue even if those jokes are commented.
Please the most important and the motivation for creating this space for fun "hopefully" will be your
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Besides having fun with the jokes presented here will also be compensated for "those who prove they have a subscription" each one with a premium package (1 Gift Q1, 1 Food Q1, 1 weapon Q1)
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I hope you all have fun with "The funniest jokes ever told" from the Bar-Room Jokes
P.S. are comfortable in your comments to make your own jokes
Take care
Comments
Who can say this sentence?
The Taco Bell Chihuahua, a Doberman and a Bulldog are in a bar having adrink when a great-looking female Collie comes up to them and says, "Whoever can say liver and cheese in a sentence can have me."
So the Doberman says, "I love liver and cheese." The Collie replies, "That's not good enough."
The Bulldog says, "I hate liver and cheese." She says, "That's not creative enough."
Finally, the Chihuahua says, "Liver alone . . . cheese mine."
I didn't get any money this time!!
A man in a bar sees a friend at a table, drinking by himself.
Approaching the friend he comments, "You look terrible. What's the problem?"
"My mother died in August," he said, "and left me $25,000."
"Gee, that's tough," he replied.
"Then in September," the friend continued, "My father died, leaving me $90,000."
"Wow. Two parents gone in two months. No wonder you're depressed."
"And last month my aunt died, and left me $15,000."
"Three close family members lost in three months? How sad."
"Then this month," continued, the friend, "absolutely nothing!"
I have a magical dancing duck...
A circus owner walked into a bar to see everyone crowded about a table watching a little show. On the table was an upside down pot and a duck tap dancing on it. The circus owner was so impressed that he offered to buy the duck from its owner. After some wheeling and dealing, they settled for $10,000 for the duck and the pot.
Three days later the circus owner runs back to the bar in anger, "Your duck is a ripoff! I put him on the pot before a whole audience, and he didn't dance a single step!"
"So?" asked the ducks former owner, "did you remember to light the candle under the pot?"
................Newly issued alcohol warnings......................
The Toronto Board of Health has proposed that warning signs be placed on all alcohol bottles to tip off drinkers about the possible peril of drinking a pint or two of any alcoholic beverage.
1. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to wake up with a breath that could knock a buzzard off a wreaking dead animal that is one hundred yards away.
2. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like an idiot.
3. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same boring story over and over again until your friends want to assault you
4. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to thay shings like thish.
5. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the boss what you really think of him.
6. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burn on the forehead.
7. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, handsomer and smarter than some really, really big guy named Psycho Bob.
A pirate at the local bar discusses his past
A seaman meets a pirate in a bar, and talk turns to their adventures on the sea. The seaman notes that the pirate has a peg-leg, a hook, and an eye patch.
The seaman asks, "So, how did you end up with the peg-leg?" The pirate replies, "We were in a storm at sea, and I was swept overboard into a school of sharks. Just as my men were pulling me out, a shark bit my leg off."
"Wow!" said the seaman. "What about your hook"? "Well", replied the pirate, "We were boarding an enemy ship and were battling the other sailors with swords. One of the enemy cut my hand off."
"Incredible!" remarked the seaman. "How did you get the eye patch"? "A seagull dropping fell into my eye," replied the pirate.
"You lost your eye to a seagull dropping?," the sailor asked incredulously. "Well," said the pirate, "it was my first day with my hook"
Any joke that I could make would be inappropriate...
Tirial Marcus quote...
Any joke that I could make would be inappropriate...
Why? the purpose of this Newspaper will not be to offend anyone but to give a bit of fun to all citizens of eRepublik
but mostly win Media Mogul
Subscription # 5.
My Grandpa died in the Holocaust; He fell off a guard tower.
FEUDALISM: You have two cows. Your lord takes some of the milk.
PURE SOCIALISM: You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else's cows. You have to take care of all of the cows. The government gives you as much milk as you need.
BUREAUCRATIC SOCIALISM: You have two cows. The government takes them and put them in a barn with everyone else's cows. They are cared for by ex-chicken farmers. You have to take care of the chickens the government took from the chicken farmers. The government gives you as much milk and eggs as the regulations say you need.
FASCISM: You have two cows. The government takes both, hires you to take care of them and sells you the milk.
PURE COMMUNISM: You have two cows. Your neighbors help you take care of them, and you all share the milk.
RUSSIAN COMMUNISM: You have two cows. You have to take care of them, but the government takes all the milk.
CAMBODIAN COMMUNISM: You have two cows. The government takes both of them and shoots you.
DICTATORSHIP: You have two cows. The government takes both and drafts you.
PURE DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. Your neighbors decide who gets the milk.
REPRESENTATIVE DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. Your neighbors pick someone to tell you who gets the milk.
BUREAUCRACY: You have two cows. At first the government regulates what you can feed them and when you can milk them. Then it pays you not to milk them. Then it takes both, shoots one, milks the other and pours the milk down the drain. Then it requires you to fill out forms accounting for the missing cows.
PURE ANARCHY: You have two cows. Either you sell the milk at a fair price or your neighbors try to take the cows and kill you.
LIBERTARIAN/ANARCHO-CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.
SURREALISM: You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.
also voted [8] subbed [9]
American jokes:
1# 75% of americans dont know that the sun is a star
2# A survey was done On the Holocaust, 80% thought it was a christian holiday.
Blond jokes
1#Two blond men are in a truck driving on a highway. They look to the side and see a blond woman in a boat trying to paddle on grass.
One man says to the other,"see this is why people think we are stupid". the other one replies,"I know If i had my floties on i would save her".
2# A blond walked into a bar, ouch.
Random jokes:
A mushroom walks into a pub and asks for a beer. the bartender says no. the mushroom replies "why cant i i'm a fun-gi.
I voted and subscribed
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vote 10 subsciber 10
Josef Fritzl sai😛 I like my whisky just I like my women: Thirteen years old and in the basement.
Voted, subscribed.
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Do you know this one?
A jokes fun club. All the jokes are catalogued and the old members know their numbers. An old member says:
- Five!
All laugh. Another member:
- Twenty four!
General laugh. A newbie, first time in one session, saw that's enough tell the number of a joke, decides to try:
- Sixteen!
Absolute silence. Nobody laugh. One of the old members tells him:
- Colleague, doesn’t matter the joke, it’s important to tell it well
Vote 13 Subscriber 13
I deserve reward.
An American a Russian and a Scott are on top of the Empire State Building
The American says to the Russian "Check this out!"
Then jumps off the tower, hits the ground and bounces all the way back to the top where he lands on his feet.
He says to the Russian "Try it, it's loads of fun!"
The Russian jumps off, hits the ground...SPLAT
The Scott says to the American "Your really an ass when you've been drinking Superman.
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20 comments
thanks everyone
il write a joke
Paddy english scottish and irish men
paddy english man thought he saw england so he throw a gun at england
paddy scottish man thought he saw scotland so he throw a knife at scotland
paddy irish man thought he saw ireland so he throw a bomb at ireland
paddy english man went 2 england and saw a boy crying. he asked y are u cry, the boy said a gun came and shot his dad
paddy scottish man went 2 scotland and saw a girl crying. he asked y are u crying, the girl said a knife came and stabbed her mum
paddy irish man went 2 ireland and saw a boy laughing.he asked y are u laughing,he said when he farted his house blew up
cool jokes lord of the light
The General went out to find that none of his G.I.s were there. One finally ran up, panting heavily.
"Sorry, sir! I can explain, you see I had a date and it ran a little late. I ran to the bus but missed it, I hailed a cab but it broke down, found a farm, bought a horse but it dropped dead, ran 10 miles, and now I'm here."
The General was very skeptical about this explanation but at least he was here so he let the G.I. go. Moments later, eight more G.I.s came up to the general panting, he asked them why they were late.
"Sorry, sir! I had a date and it ran a little late, I ran to the bus but missed it, I hailed a cab but it broke down, found a farm, bought a horse but it dropped dead, ran 10 miles, and now I'm here."
The General eyed them, feeling very skeptical but since he let the first guy go, he let them go, too. A ninth G.I. jogged up to the General, panting heavily.
"Sorry, sir! I had a date and it ran a little late, I ran to the bus but missed it, I hailed a cab but..."
"Let me guess," the General interrupted, "it broke down."
"No," said the G.I., "there were so many dead horses in the road, it took forever to get around them."
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ADMIN is not FAIR
Subbed, voted, posted.
3 Drunk Mice
Three macho mice are sitting at a bar discussing just how tough they were. The first mouse slams a shot and says: "I play with mouse traps for fun. I'll run into one on purpose and as it is closing on me, I grab the bar and bench press it 20 to 30 times." And, with that, he slams another shot.
The second mouse slams a shot and says: "That's nothing. I take those poison bait tablets, cut them up, and snort them, just for the fun of it." And, with that, he slams another shot.
The third mouse slams a shot, gets up, and turns to walk away.
"Where the hell do you think you're going?" ask his friends.
The third mouse stops and replies: "I'm going home to shag the cat."
v26 s24
A young couple on their wedding night were in their honeymoon suite.
As they were undressing for bed, the husband, a big burly man, tossed his trousers to his new bride and sai😛 "Here, put these on."
She put them on and the waist was twice the size of her body.
"I can't wear your trousers," she said.
"That's right,'' said the husband, "and don't you ever forget it. I'm the one who wears the trousers in this relationship."
With that she flipped him her knickers and sai😛 "Try these on."
He tried them on and found he could only get them on as far as his kneecaps.
"Hell," he said. ''I can't get into your knickers!"
She replie😛 "That's right... and that's the way it is going to stay until your attitude changes."
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knok knok
who is?
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voted who?
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.!> 🙂
ha ha ha
30/28
v/s
omG revenger x 2
anyway, im devilghost
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37 comments
thanks everyone
thanks 4 the prize premium package. u know, u can put an add about this
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While a man was walking he saw poo on d ground but he was sure.he smelt nd said "smells like" he felt it nd said "feels like it" he tasted it nd says "taste like it...thank goodness i didnt step on it".