[Tabloid] Pizza The Hut Admits Going to eHell

Day 1,056, 15:56 • Published in USA Japan • by Geno Garon
YOU HEARD IT HEAR FOLKS, PIZZA THE HUT ADMITS IN PUBLIC CHAT THAT HE IS, IN FACT, GOING TO eHELL WHEN HE DIES (except remove the lowercase e's from that word).

For the longest time now, I've been thinking that eRepublik simply does not have enough celebrity drama. I mean, sure, we have celebrities (Presidents, dissidents, war heroes, media moguls, and the like), but far too often these individuals are quiet, keep to themselves, or otherwise do not stir up the controversy and excitement that we need to keep this game interesting.

Well, with one notable exception: Pizza The Hut.

If there is one thing Pizza the Hut has been good at, it's been stirring up controversy. His world-spread advertisements and platitude-laden articles have been experienced by most, if not all of eRepublik.

And so, I got the chance to "catch up" with Ajay Bruno... Oh sorry, never mind, that account was banned for multying, I meant Ronald O'Reagan... OOPS ALSO BANNED FOR MULTIES, I MEANT Winston Churchill, no wait, empty (deleted) newspaper with very few friends except, oh, THERE HE IS, PIZZA THE HUT. Because of eRepublik rules, I am not allowed to DIRECTLY quote from our conversation, lest I be at the mercy of SOMEONE who is now ASHAMED OF HIS WORDS, but I can promise a full reproduction of the conversation, unedited, where PIZZA THE HUT ANNOUNCES THAT HE IS AWARE OF HIS ETERNAL DESTINATION BEING OUTSIDE OF HEAVEN.

*DISCLAIMER* This article is a tabloid article for entertainment purposes only, produced under Fair Use laws and within the bounds of all eRepublik laws, specifically the law stating that no flaming or accusations without proof are allowed. This article only references the words of an individual (Pizza The Hut) and are not a direct quotation, but sufficient proof can be provided to any and all who ask for it. Proof cannot be provided in the article, as that would break Rule 3.2. Freedom of the press is absolute in reporting factual news surrounding eRepublik citizens. This article has been copied and saved for redistribution as necessary.