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Citizens of Ireland,

For the past two months I’ve been fortunate enough to be your President. There were times I wasn’t the best, jumping guns and rushing things through or my drunken nights were alcohol got the better of me and I’d make some questionable decisions. Tossing these aspects to the side, I can happily say we’ve had two brilliant months full of action, politics and entertainment – we played our game.

Let’s have a look back at what we’ve been through the past two months.

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[UK Relations]


We started the month off asking for the United Kingdom to engage in war games with us. They respectfully declined. I was rather upset about being denied a dance and proposed them as our Natural Enemy four times in the course of my Presidency with congress passing the vote on two occasions. The first time it passed, we seized Northern Ireland defying British support from Romanians, Bulgarians and other sewer urchins.
Unable to fight against us as they are too busy fighting with Push/Pull doors (they struggle with the basics), the British summoned their buddies Bulgaria to their aid. Using clever strategy, we conceded Northern Ireland and blocked our Eastern border therefore eliminating the Bulgarian border and rendering their Natural Enemy useless. The British declared victory although they were unable to attend the victory parade due to some problems with a revolving door.
The second green light invasion of the United Kingdom came at a bad time as me, Biednymis and Nerusia had spent the morning tanking elsewhere. Therefore, we opted to delay our attack as long as possible. This time the British managed to get through their a door, they proposed “Yes” on their returning Natural Enemy proposal on us. Unfortunately, their mothers called them back inside as they forgot to put on their wooly hats which could be detrimental to their health as they have ears sensitive to the cold. While they returned inside to fetch their Winter garments, their mothers Macadamia Nuts and Bulge-area came out wagging their fingers “Don’t you naughty Catholics be playing with our Protestant sons”. They closed the borders and Ireland retreated to our bedroom to play with ourselves and our imagination.

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Bothersome Bulgaria


Completely unprovoked, needing to flex their muscles, unable to fight against anyone their size due to an inferior complex from childhood, Bulgaria invaded Ireland. Again, Ireland being the cleverest and beautifuliest kids in the house, we managed to confine Bulgaria to our region of Cork. We thought they would leave rather quickly as their presence interfered with our Training War with their pals Ruphus and our resource concession arrangement with Frankie. However, Bulge-area is a stubborn lady, she is your typical wealthy mother whose go to argument in the supermarket is “I am a beautiful independent black woman, give me what I want”. Unfortunately for her, Ireland is a stubborn c*** and refused every one of their demands. They wanted a Training War with us, they wanted us to support their attacks on Greece but most shocking of all, they wanted us to clip their toe nails as the United Kingdom was incapable of even this task. Bulgaria stuck to her guns, as did we so our Training War with Russia ended as did our resource concession agreement with France. Meanwhile Bulgaria got nothing and were shortly removed by our pal Turkey. In conclusion, they achieved nothing but showed their disregard for their allies agreements. Morale of the story, Bulgaria are bold and deserve a spanking.

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Saving Private Ryan Reynolds


Our presence was requested in the USA to serve as a barrier to Asterian aggression. Without any though at all off we set. We airstriked Argentina, NE’d USA and moved around the regions of Illinois, Indiana and Missouri. We branched out, went on Route 69 and stretched our “Empire” across Idaho, Pennsylvania, a few more states and Vermont. We then moved across to the South-West. It was here we began to struggle juggling all of our wars, aside from that I wasn’t the most reliable for starting attacks as I would often go drinking and forget. Due to this reason I asked congress if they wanted to end this TW. They overwhelmingly voted to end the TW and probably to the delight of Colin, our Golden Cow, we left, and he didn’t have to give this drunken bas****d another bollocking.

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[Few Hiccups]


Along the way we’ve faced a few more hiccups. We had a Training War with Argentina and Albania in US of A regions collapse. Borders were lost and then the USA didn’t approve of them, woops. We were requested to Airstrike our allies Greece in Iran to again act as a barrier to Asterian expansion. However, Bulgaria (them again, I know, they fancy us) proposed us as a Natural Enemy and we had to abort this airstrike. Shame.

My biggest hiccup was probably collapsing our Training War with Belgium. For quite a while I had pressured them into letting us be their partner. They agreed and BAM, we were in Flanders winning medals and we weren’t tans (hope you get the reference….). Funny story though, I was out in Galway for the weekend, got absolutely stupid drunk and passed out by the toilet after about what felt like an hours’ worth of vomiting up my bottle of whiskey and sambuca shots. Thing is I left my phone which had an alarm set to attack the Belgians in the correct region in another room and I missed my opportunity. End result, I messed up and we left. Awful shame.

Our Training War with Italy faced quite a few hiccups as their CP was absent every now and again. They attacked regions they weren’t meant to this eventually caused them having to leave because I gave up. Despite this they did do as we needed to block Bulge-area and for that I’m grateful. Sound lads.

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[FRIENDS]

Hail our new alliance CODE.

Albania,
Croatia,
Cyprus,
Greece,
Hungary,
Ireland,
South Korea,
Thailand,
Turkey,
USA.

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[Wrapping-Up]

I think that kind of summarises everything besides where we are now. Training War with Hungary and just chilling a little.

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Hope you had an enjoyable two months, I did.

Lots of love,
Slua