[PotUS] Top Secret Meeting leaked!

Day 3,700, 17:08 • Published in USA Spain • by Rosa Violet Carson
This is a secret memorandum with the pre-inaugural speech of the soon-to-be-inaugurated country president, Mr. Pfeiffer, that was handed to us by a worried member of the highest echelons of the eUS elite. We have confirmation that this document is authentic. It's a pretty much a transcript of what Mr. Pfeiffers has spoken to hand-picked loyal supporters at a round table meeting of the oligarchs, held in the dark chambers of the devilish private eUS forum, just a few hour ago. WARNING: Hilarious literature! Read at your own discretion.
FINAL WARNING: Reading it may cause stomach cramps & mssive attacks of laughter, be advised!


My fellow eAmericans, my dear Worker who soon won't be workers anymore, servants, slaves, annoying peasants,

first of all I wanna thank our outgoing imperatoress & dear friend Melissa for helping me NOT to get the endorsement from these greasy & horny Feds. She's such a multi-talent! So our plan to channel the protest-votes to my slave-peasant Marius instead of them getting to that awful-colored shepherd Henry French was a huge success, but hey, that's the genius in me, I knew it would work. On the other han😛 who would vote for a Frenchmen anyway. They are disgusting, they eat snails & frogs. So Mel, good game gurl, multiple thank-you-s from the bottom of my belly!

2nd: the magnificent monkey, Sir Colin, a true wizard in multitasking & expert in the fields of multibranched firms & holdings. Colin, I have always seen the multipotential in you, as my loyal servant, as well as your multilateral abilities on the international political stage. I want to thank you for lifting this heavy burden of taking care of my farms & farmers, ya know, all these "people" who work so hard for me, so I can have enough tanks & cash & gold for my enormous give-aways. Most important: I can then brag about them, that keeps me relevant, even when I'm not dedicated to the game, as it has been for a while. Colin, cheers to you, my multinational war-leader & don't worry, the eAlbanian MPP is on it's way, just needs some time & "convincing" of the peasants, if you know what I mean. DMJ is taking care of it, he always delivers, when the task isn't complicated. This one is easy as pie. Or cake. Or creme brulee. Now I'm hungry. Pass me that dish with M&M's, Animis! The only sad thing is that I cannot brag about all the deceptions we have done so brilliantly over the last years, my dear ape, misleading foreign nations & derailing global politics, everything for the benefit of our kleptocracy.

Then there is my faithful servant & top agent WildOwl. I like to thank you for being my eyes & ears during the whole time I was ruling out of the shadows of our beloved elitist forum. You have done well, but the recent loss of eRomanian MPP is somehow bothersome. Put your multilinguistical talent to work, convince Adminland to renew the MPP or else we will be f***ed when the Serbs start striking, this might obliterate us. I know you can do it, just promise them whatever they want, that has always worked. And if you need help, ask pogonici, he's a good Romanian, multiregional influencer & a fine pet. But Owly, you still didn't thank me for arranging that all newly registered players come to your Owlery MU simply by default. That took some efforts, where's the praise I deserve? Just kidding, pal!

And Gnilraps my friend, remember when we took away the power from our national MU & established our private one, as the leading organization of our war-machinery. Even today the plebs can't comprehend how we've managed to keep the taxpayers cash still flowing; that my friend is sheer excellence. Tell me, am I not like the true god of this gaming universe, better say multiverse, ya know, quantum physics & stuff. I feel brilliant. Come & bathe in my light, dear minions! The eUSA will become a multistate, if you know what I mean?!
Last but not least: to all of my nameless & faithful minions: thank you, thank you, thank you, for recognizing me as your overlord! This is just natural, you know it! among all the multitudes of players, only I can be the one! Praise Pfeiffer!

You won't be disappointed, as now the tax-monies will be directly at my disposal. Do as you're told & a rain of cash & tanks & gold will come your way, you don't even need to ask. Just beg me, politely, beg me like you mean it. And say wonderful stuff about me, your infinite ruler, your master of all ages. That's me, Pfeiffer, remember! Bestest politician ewa! No peasant will die from hunger when I rule the eUSA! That's my word, not my promise. People know I never keep my promises. Promises are for suckers. But my word counts! At least let us pretend it so. Praise Pfeiffer!

Now another very important information: I will make eAmerica great again. Like it was when we had Unity elections or the bogus defensive dictatorship. What a great time that was. No boring congress discussions, no election surprises, what I made my servants to decide - that was it. Plain & simple! We can do it again! Praise Pfeiffer!

This is my masterplan: multilevel political marketing!!
We have now 88 party members. This is a magic number, it's double-infinity (a fallen 8 times two!!) And I know numbers, believe me. And digits, too! And how to multiply! That's easy, it's like adding, but different. Where was I? Oh, yeah! Now every member will get this task: recruit another member! It's easy & the results gonna be huge! Do it subtle, promise them anything & everything - that works. Tell them how much success we will have, how they will share all the wealth that I will plunder from the eUS treasury. I will help you in this endeavor! I will publish crappy articles about organization regularly, with multimedia, throw in some excel pies, excel cakes, excel chocho-mouse. Now I'm hungry again. Garmr, please pass me that large ice-cream cup with topping! Hurry, it's melting. Where was I? Ok. That startegy works always. And some pictures of that sweet Taylor, she's so sexy, sexiest gurl in da world. Then you will all vote my articles & comment with admiration, telling how smart & able I am, how I will lead us all right to the top, the sky is the limit. Or isn't it? Nevermind. So we will double in size. Two times 88 is roughly about 150, some more, some less, doesn't matter. We will grow like the fungus on a dead tree! It's such a multitude of opportunities ahead of us, can you see it?! Then every newest member will get the task to recruit another new member! So easy! Soon we will have all the members, we will be the only party, because all these peasants shall serve me, that is us my friends. You & me, we're in this together. It's like a bond, a bond of chains my dear minions. Heavy chains you like to wear around your ankles. So Daddy can hear you, when you're coming. Ring, ring, ring. And we will call our party D.U.M.B - that's DIVINE UTOPIAN MAJESTIC BROTHERHOOD. It will be a multipurposeful party, you hear me? But the name is just a name, important only to the plebs, this way we confuse them. They don't need to know the truth behind all of this, it would be too much for them to bear. They like it this way. The easiness of peasantry is a blessing! For the peasants ofc. Not for you, my little minions. Anyway. What the name really means is: Do U Mean Bull§hit? Yes, I do. But they won't know. As long as we will feed them with crumbs from our table, disinformation out of your mouths; fake promises I will provide in abundance, all will be well. Praise Pfeiffer!

Let's start it rolling NOW! Let's get on track. Even better: let's get on multitrack! This way our power will simply multiply, every new peasant will bring us nearer to our final goal: huh?? I forgot what it is! But that's not important. The only thing that is important for me, that means important for you too, is to hold power, never let go, suck the sweet nectar of our wonderful reserves, day in, day out, because it never dries out, taxes are eternal! And we should raise them whenever we can. This nectar is like a multiphased elixir of domination & exploitation. Don't we all love it? Praise Pfeiffer!

One more important thing at the en😛 spread the word among the Socialist, Sheep & Proud/Horny (don't worry about the Peoples, Oblige has bought them for me, every single one!) congressmen that any impeachment of your dear great leader will fail. They need to believe it. Because I've seen the numbers & if someone shall press that button, it'll be "Bye, bye Pfeiffer!" Who will then fill your vaults with gold, who will bring food to your table & tanks into your storage. They have the numbers, they could do it. that would be a tragedy, a multimillion loss of hard deserved cash! That would be a problem, not one, a multiproblem for me and all of you, my dear minions! Use deception, lie like your e-life depends on it, talk the troublemakers down, use even verbal force, spread fear about the giant wrath of me, Pfeiffer & the pain & suffering they shall experience if only THINKING about pushing that filthy button!! Because this is the Achilles heel of my reign! Don't let that Frenchman Henry become Potus, after my impeachment. he's terrible. Worse than that sleazy little bottom-ki§§er Andy Dufresne! Dufresne?? This sound so French to me?! Is he a smelly little water-hating Francoise, too? Gosh, another conspiracy probably from that Bonte dude! Clear your mind Pfeiffer, clear your mind - concentrate!
So folks, protect me so I can protect you! And I'll lead you, like cattle to the slaughttr.. err..through, yes through the misty valleys, into the lands of green grass & crystal waters. And cake. Did someone say cake? Where? Huh!? Isn't this a nice picture! Just imagine! Now if you'll excuse me, I have work to do. Candies for my little boy-scouts need some rohypnol coating. We are going to a multiplex cinema, this will be fun! But the candies won't coat themselves, that's for sure!
Have fun now, boys & gals. I'll start the party with the first song! Oh Taylor, you make me feel so horny, like a Fed-freshman on his first day in congress! Take care everyone! Ta ta!