[IA] Choose Jizzie in Gauteng and Make Congress a Little More Sexy

Day 1,218, 11:45 • Published in South Africa Sweden • by Jizzie McGuire
Just like that annoying douche at school, work or on Facebook that keeps pestering you and won’t go away because he thinks everyone likes him, Jizzie McGuire is back yet again to run for Congress and mess up the government just when it is back running smoothly. Yeah, I am not always the most active and informed guy out there, but at least you don’t have to worry about me selling out eSA or screwing her over. I may have a track record of taking us into disastrous war, but at least that put us on the map and brought us respect and allies that we still have two years later. And shoot, if I hadn’t done all that, then would you have seen the rise of eSouth African legends like Ines Schumacher and Mark Morcom who so effectively rebuilt our country from the ashes of defeat? I think not!

If you vote me into Congress, you won’t have to worry about me leading us into battle against Brazil or creating alliances with countries you may or may not despise, but you can count on making the Congress just a wee bit more sexy (especially if you elect the uber hot Nickerball as well). You’ll probably hate that I don’t always follow the party line (the IA is not the BLF, but it’s almost as good) and on occasion I’ll completely ignore Congressional procedures, but I will listen to what the common folk say because I am and always have been out here doing my thing for the people. I’ll probably get scolded by the president, members of the cabinet, my party and Congressional leaders for doing whatever I want, but you can rest assured that I will do what I do for the good of eSA – at least that will be my intention. They say that good intentions pave the way to hell, but as a great man once said, hell ain’t a bad place to be.

So vote for me… or not. Life will go on and my sexiness will not be diminished. If you vote IA, you have two excellent alternatives in Gauteng, my long-time friend Squall90 and that laid-back, old skool homie Mr. Wet, so either way, it’s all good. Like you, I just want what’s best for eSA, so if you vote for me or one of those dudes, eSA will be well cared for. I’ve been your president twice and congressman on five occasions, so by now most eSouth Africans know what they’ll get with the googly-eyed bastard – pure sexy on a plate.

Stay sexy, eSouth Africa.