[GBM] Plato Learns New Word, Won't Shut Up About It

Day 2,128, 21:52 • Published in USA USA • by Paul Proteus
This article is a satire, which signifies myself as being constructed primarily of rubber, and the rest of you of at least 72% glue


I dare you not to click the mood musik

Welcome to Goodbye Blue Monday, reporting 24/7/365 on absolutely nothing newsworthy.

Plato learns new word, Won't Shut the hell up about it

Day 2128: eRepublik HQ, Erebus


The famed philosopher this article is obviously describing depicted in his later detached-head period

Reports are in that famed philosopher Plato (no relation to eRep clearly) has, in between his normal activities of ignoring tickets that he, uh, found and awarding forfeit points to plebs (a philosophical concept also entirely unrelated), learned a new word. The new word, epic, is in itself not extraordinary, but this report nonetheless has shocked Plato's friends and critics alike as Plato normally spends his time contemplating the Universe and paying his graphics guy. Though many applaud Plato's first attempt at higher learning since the disastrous "Dialogues V2" it has come under heavy criticism from many of Plato's closest friends.

One source, operating under anonymity, told us, "Ever since he bought that $3 dictionary it's been all 'epic this, epic that', like sheesh if you're going to flaunt your third grade lexile at least learn sentence structure."


Too much billions epic

At current rates, scientists at Goodbye Blue Monday estimate that by Day 2,200 every button in eRepublik will be replaced by the word epic. Debate rages as to whether this will affect the already dead economy.

To provide a visual aid, here is a totally original graph depicting predicted usage of the word epic in erepublik that our top graph team here at Goodbye Blue Monday has produced.


Do graphs still get votes?

Plato refuses to comment, but a trusted source is rumored to have stated that so long as we go along with it we might all get 50 strength.

Anti-Whaling Laws struggling to pass Congress

Day 2128, Location: The High Seas

With the re-election of the only Whale President of the United States, the age old issue of eWhaling comes back into question. For many, controversial, and for some, nonexistent, the issue of whaling has plagued the administration from the start. Though many close to Oblige have denied that the issue has distracted him from governing, current attempts to outlaw the practice have met with harsh resistance from Congress, who have repeatedly shelved the issue in favor of passing July's budget.


Oblige chilling with his cabinet. Or a depiction of whaling. One or the other.

When citizens of eRepublik were asked about it, their responses demonstrated shockingly little knowledge on the subject. When asked to give an opinion, long time eUS resident Saraht0ga responded, "Whaling, wait what? Paul, you do realize eRepublik is a game right? Right?" and Evry simply asked I stop pinging him in the middle of the night.

Though Oblige has yet to be reached for comment, it is likely this debate will rage on for as many terms as Oblige wins.


Artist's rendering of Oblige

Wait, there's more...


No, this doesn't actually exist

Pick up the Sunday Style GBM Magazine to read other fascinating stories:

-Ajay wins Presidency in a dream, describes it to friends, strangely erotic
-Man remembers orgs nostalgicly
-eRepublik usable as a resume? HAHAHAHAHA No. An exposé

Okay, that's a wrap guys,

Proteus Out~
Your Moment of Zen:



Fun fact, 50% of the world's zen comes from smbc

So that wraps up today's Goodbye Blue Monday

Until Next Time,

Stay Sexy