[GBM] Gorilla Fights Come to eAmerica

Day 1,958, 08:54 • Published in USA USA • by Paul Proteus
This article is a satire, which means it's classy damnit


As always, click for Mood Musik

Welcome to Goodbye Blue Monday, your source for all the news the other papers refuse (or don't want) to cover!


Dateline: 8:29 Day 1,958, Murrica

Continuing our reputable history of investigative reporting, we at Goodbye Blue Monday bring the inside scoop of Gorilla fighting. A new feature recently brought to the eUS, Gorilla fighting likely describes the new player PvGorilla module brought to the fighting system in eRepublik. We would like to add the disclaimer that our research department's funding has recently been slashed, so this is all really guesswork. In any case we'll be reaching out to hear citizen's opinions as the story develops

This just in from a certain Mazzy Cat:

Expert Witness

“I don’t know Paul, fighting gorillas seems kind of cruel, why are you asking? OHH you mean Guerilla fighting? That’s a great example of a homonym, your confusion stems from th…”

Clearly she was becoming hysterical and off topic, so we deemed it necessary to cut her off

In any case, we here at Goodbye Blue Monday, continuing here to bring top of the line reporting, now are able to bring to you the Gorilla’s perspective:
“Grrrrrrrrlll”


Artist’s interpretation of Gorilla in natural habitat

So there you have it, eloquent words from our eloq….Wait, what? I’m being told that it IS Guerilla fighting, not Gorilla, which in hindsight makes much more sense, sorry America, it’s a slow news day

Notorious Easter Bunny finally caught after string of home invasions



America, Easter Day, in the wee hours of the Morn
The notorious crook the Easter Bunny was finally caught by authorities. After years and years of running from self professed charges of home invasions and littering chocolatey goodness, the Easter Bunny was finally caught by eRep admins early this morning. This may also explain why the Easter Bunny chose to run in the Fed primary, where he is currently ahead of incumbent Vanek 26 by 3 votes, as becoming POTUS would allow this radical rabbit to pardon himself. In any case, after his arrest, numerous “Free the Easter Bunny” movements and protests have sprung up, according to a national opinion poll the Easter Bunny ranked “cooler” than the tooth fairy, but slightly “lamer” than Santa. More on this story as it unfolds

Also, Happy Easter~
Your Moment of Zen:




So that’s it for today's Goodbye Blue Monday

Until Next Time,

Stay Sexy~