[FL] Who Would Understand

Day 4,037, 07:36 • Published in Ireland Ireland • by Celadori Cotis


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Dublin, Ireland
Day 4037, 0130 eRT


Dear Paul,


I'm writing to you because I just don't know how to talk about this with anyone out here, I get they would understand but everyone seems to deal so much better with the shit they see and I don't want to seem... And I know you won't get it, but at least I can put this down on paper and know that someone has read it.

I'm getting a promotion and when I found out I vomited for the third time today. I'm moving up to Corporal, skipped right over PFC but it isn't right, I don't deserve that. I was just in the wrong place doing my job, you know? I didn't actually do anything to help, hell I probably caused it by not driving more cautiously. But apparently you don't get rank for saving people, just avenging them.

That is the sick part in this here story. I didn't even save my brothers but counterkilling the bastards who murdered them qualifies me to lead... "exemplary behavior, bravery uncommon, dedication to my fallen comrades" whatever. What good does it do if I'm the only one to come back.


okay what happened I came around the corner on 6th during patrol and hit a mine on the front passenger side and so that flipped the jeep and threw guys on the back clear, they survived the fall but Sal broke his arm and when Rob got up he started to splint it but I was climbing out of the roof with piece of glass through my cheek didn't even feel it and I turned to pull Tom free but I threw up my lunch (some came out the hole, they said its infected now) when I saw all that was left of him god it was so bad Paul, so bad, but I did it, didn't leave him behind, put all I could on the sidewalk while Rob went to see about the radio and call in a medic but by then an Astie squad came around the corner to see what happened and shot him before he could, put down Sal too when he sat up and there I am on the far side of the jeep covered in Tom's blood and he looks very gone so I figured I could too, I just laid back down facing the jeep till they checked us and took the guns, started going back to their vehicle (never told anyone that part).

Well then I snapped out of it, realized they were calling in more help to take us away. I stood up and while their backs were turned I took out the pair closest, and by the time the others had turned around I got them too. Killed 5 men. Last one I didn't kill outright, he just kept crawling away across the snow. I told him to stop, but he just kept moving towards his gun. I told him again, but who knows if he heard me, or if I even said it out loud. I waited until he picked it up, so I had a reason, but part of me knows I wouldn't have needed one at that point.


I used their radio then to call in support, and of course warned them about the mines. Checked my watch and from crash to calling for help was less than four minutes. It took them a lot longer than that to show up, but our exfil finally arrived and got us all out. Even the Asties. Our Commander said he would contact their command to see about returning the bodies but for now they are just gathering snow. Better than stinking up the barracks, we have no where else to put them. It is the best thing, really.

Then he came back and interviewed me, told him everything except playing dead and he nodded and left, then I realized there were more people listening outside the door. Came back a few minutes later and told me to pack my things, thought I was being sent home but instead they brought me into the officer barracks. First thing I did was throw up in their loo. Commander is requisitioning my new stripes as I write this. I'm all over the place right now and its 1 in the morning, but I had to get the whole story out and I don't want to come back and think about it all again tomorrow just to write this. Now I can forget and move on. I have a unit counting on me now; I'll have to be a role model, and that means being strong, right?


P.S. I'm sorry to ask again, but don't show Marie this letter either. I can't bear her thinking about me this way. She doesn't need to know what happens out here.


Your Cousin in Dublin,


Thomas J. Kennedy
First Corporal
eIrish Army, 2nd Regiment
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