[EVIL CHARTICLE] WHAT I'M GOING TO PTO

Day 1,672, 13:22 • Published in USA USA • by Chutley


Evil Chutley here, with plans to PTO a lot. And just so you know, this applies to all of you no matter who are. I really don't care if you're the POTWherever, or some famous writer, or even if you have no idea who I am. I'm coming for you. And here's...

WHAT I’M GOING TO PTO

1. Your face

Since you’re on eRep, it’s not like your face looks good to begin with, so perhaps I’d be doing you a favor. Regardless, I’m PTOing your face.

I’m going to absolutely ruin it. Close your eyes. Select your best feature. Open them. It’s gone. If it was your smile, take a look – these are your teeth:



You liked your eyes? Well now they look like this:



The point is, I took over your face and now it’s gross.


2. Your mom

She’s mine. I’m going to do weird things to her. Nay, I’ve already done them. Or should I say neigh, because, well, horses were involved.

Oh and I’m going give you a little brother. Here’s an artist’s rendering of what he’ll look like. Don’t worry, he won’t bite…unless you anger him, which you will, because everything angers him:





3. Your lunch

Hand it over before my friends and I beat you up. Too late.





4. Your dignity

Whatever’s left of your dignity after playing eRepublik for so long, it’s mine now. You’ve got none left. Honestly though, you didn’t really have any to steal so was easy.



5. All the toilet paper in your house

Good luck, buddy.





6. Your profile, party, and forum

I just put you in Ajay’s party. And I sent him all your gold and money. And then he PTO’d your forum and replaced all of your posts with pictures of his fake girlfriends.




“God help me this kid won’t leave me alone. Somebody please call the police.”



7. The number 8

It's gone. You're going to have to find a different way to tell people your favorite age.




9. Nice Chutley

He’s a loser and he doesn’t deserve your respect. He's done.



10. Your mom again

In fact, it already happened. I did it for a second time. Then I gave her to a certain philosopher and he went to town on her. Tried to upgrade her a little but she ended up crashing. Then when I tried to get back into her I found an error message at her door and had to wait until the other guy was done putting her back together. Luckily there was a picture of a pelican or swan or something telling me to be patient.

Finally I got in and she told me she had a few new missions for me and that I should feel lucky because she got a great new makeover, but honestly she looked exactly the same. I got angry and tried to fight her but that philosopher dude stepped in again and made that impossible.

Then he said he'd give me some pieces of gold and all I had to do was give him all of the real money in my wallet. I told him the gold looked fake and that I couldn't really use it to buy anything, but he told me, "Sure you can, you can train with it." He said lots of people do it and I said there's no way anyone would give up real money for such a dumb reason.

The dude eventually let your mom and me fight and when we were done (oh btw I kicked the cr@p out of her because I’m from the USA and she’s from wherever-the-hell) I heard like thousands of “friends” shouting racial epithets outside and cursing that philosopher guy on my behalf. Then he went downstairs and banned all of them forever.



Now you know, I’m going to PTO the cr@p out you and everything you love, so watch out losers.

PTOishly,
Evil Chutley



P.S. I'm going to PTO that system where you can buy votes. That's absolutely bull and you can be damn sure I'm better than that. I'm going to get votes/subs the old-fashioned way: punch you in the face until you shout the links to my articles.