[BCH] Vote Marcus Suridius!

Day 1,258, 13:33 • Published in Ireland Ireland • by John O'Melveny


People of Ireland,

Firstly, I shall start off by explaining a recent policy change in the Bremen Clubhouse, announced by Joachim von Bremen.

Essentially, the Bremen Clubhouse has cut ties with the UK. This hasn't been a recent debate. First, the BCH came to Ireland to make it entirely British, and was seen by many as a PTO branch of Britain. Slowly, the BCH moved on from this, as many Brits became confused. Instead of only seeing the PTO itself as a British concept, they began to see the Clubhouse as British.

Our clubhouse is not British. Does the founder, 'Joachim von Bremen', sound British to you? Our only geographical allegiance lies in a single region in Germany, 'Lower Saxony and Bremen'. We were happy to have the UK as allies for our PTO, but when they decided to start trying to take our sovereignty as an organisation, we began to question what we should do to remedy this.

Slowly, our aims changed. With a few (only a few, but they were there) British people hostile to the BCH, relations soured. There was an expectation in Britain that if the PTO succeeded, everything would be passed on to the UK. Riches, regions, the lot.

And so, our aims turned to initiating a war between Britain and Ireland, a long one. As this is the most fun either country could ever hope to have.

The executive of the UK disagreed, and refused to go to war, despite being elected on a promise of invading. The BCH was wary of the UK by this point. British Parliament then passed a NE proposal, and relations were fixed, for a short period. The final straw came when the UK elected a new Parliament, on that voted down a new NE with Ireland. And so, we finally tabled the debate. Were we willing to continue our good public relations with the UK?

The answer was a resounding 'No'. They had shown themselves to be too afraid to go to war too many times in the past.
As easily as that motion had passed, a harder one came. How were we to initiate the Great War between the two nations, if not working for one of them? Did we continue our PTO of Ireland?
It fell to me to suggest it. We could work for one of the two nations, and remove relations with the UK. I didn't have to say it. Those attending the meeting knew what was meant.

There soon became two opposing factions. One faction was for joining Ireland. It was led mainly by myself, a Welshman, prone to closer relations with the Irish than some of the English members of the BCH. Another faction, despite agreeing with leaving the UK, didn't want anything to do with Ireland. This was led by Tomazim, and had more members.

It was clear that through superior numbers, the anti-Irish wing had won the argument.

Our eternal leader, JvB, had stayed silent throughout the debate. However, when the rabblerabblerabble died down, he spoke. He spoke words not of heated anger, but of pure logic, and if you had been asked, you would have thought it to have been he with the IQ of 3000, not Tomazim.
He proclaimed that the Irish had, for the most part, been friendly. Yes, they had fought our PTO's, and had some success. But they had also laughed at the hilarious articles, as well as raged at the trolling ones. For this reason, he concluded, we would become a legitimate Irish political force, with one main aim. Bringing about a great war between the two nations of the United Kingdom and Ireland. Once this war was started, we could stand back into the shadows, ready for the war to end, when we could begin plans to initiate it again.

Though certainly displeased, Tomazim and the rest of the house showed the utmost respect for the leaders wishes, and the motion was passed.

And that, my (new) friends, is how the Bremen Clubhouse became Irish. We do not expect to be trusted at first. But by showing that we are a legitimate force for good in Ireland, we shall gain your trust.

We had another, more recent, debate. This was on the topic of who to support for President. In a sign that we would not be seeking absolute power in Ireland any longer, or at least without the consent of the Irish people, we decided the decision was between incumbent Marcus Suridius, and challenger Jacques Cousteau.

Eventually, Suridius was chosen. This debate was, admittedly, not as heated as previous ones had been. For many of us, it was an easy and natural choice. We had spoken to Marcus in the past, and enjoyed his company. We had also opposed him. We had beaten him in elections in the past, and looked set to do so again. He proved his competence and worthiness as a leader, however, and in a cunning tactical move, prevented us from gaining any seats in the Dail.

And, so, we say to you:

Vote Marcus Suridius!

Signed,
Bremen Clubhouse
Bremen Fhoireannteach.