And this was all he wrote folks - I sincerely ask you listen to the music provided while reading this article. You may need to loop it, but it is a poignant piece.
A special Radio Episode of "A Killah Kommentary" will be held at 16:30 eRep in which i'll discuss this a bit more and open up the floor to questions - http://mixlr.com/john-killah
It’s strange … to feel sad yet liberated. There are some steps in this game that are never easy ones to take. You look back, wonder if you did the right thing constantly, wondering if you’ve made a mistake and the whole thing is just setting you up for a bigger fall in the future?
But what if your future isn’t the way you or other people planned it? At the end of the day, we each have to make a choice sooner or later. And in the end, this was my choice, my burden to both bear and relieve.
What are you talking about?
With effect tomorrow (20th June 2013), for all intents and purposes in the metagame, I will be stepping down as Party President of the American Military Party. I thought long and hard about the choice … 8 hours of work and the thought that was constantly on my brain was debating with myself over whether or not to go through with it.
It’s never easy leaving your home. AMP is really the only political party I’ve ever known … Sure I was in the USWP during my extremely early years, but I was the proverbial zombie - Voting where USWP needed voting, then returning to my 2-Clicking. It was AMP where I got my break though, where I was asked. I’ll get to a eulogy in the next section, lets try and stick on topic xD
What caused this decision? A build up of emotions and burden or responsibility that finally broke my back last night. Before she made it official, Sarah Killah asked if I would be upset if she left the party. I told her honestly, yeah a bit, but after our previous conversations, I knew she’d have perfect reason to leave … I didn’t expect the reply that she was going to. Talk about gut-clenching.
The horror played in my mind for the next few hours. She knows how I feel ofc, there isn’t anything I keep from her (Will get to that later), but not even I knew until a few minutes to 2am when I blurted out without thinking - I’m retiring. I didn’t even think the statement through, but as soon as I said it, I knew it was what I was going to do. Sarah understands naturally, but lets get down to why I’m doing this.
I’ve been in that party’s leadership for over 20 months … Closing in on 2 years of constant dedication to the party, never taking a break, never yielding. I don’t anyone who’s served with me that can begrudge me for leaving, they all know what the pressure can be like. The PTO served as an inspiration, a re invigoration … I got a thrill from taking charge that fateful morning we realised what had happened. It felt good to climb into the big chair and try to fix things. It was the pursuit of conviction and vindication that kept me going at full steam all the way to Party Presidential Elections.
But then last night happened and I took a good hard look at what was going on. This nation is in dire straits … Not because of the PTO … but because of us players. Look at what this PTO has done to us? The atmosphere EVERYWHERE is toxic … people can’t play and get along nicely anymore, we’re all snapping at each other, clasping our hands around peoples throats simply because they don’t share the same opinion as us.
It’s how it is in the AMP … I’ve never seen so much infighting and attitudes in my time there. The old AMP was a place where we had barbed, witty comments and heated arguments but at the end of the day, rallied together in friendship. I don’t see that anymore … I just see comments aimed to maim, people constantly on the verge of leaving only to be talked out of it temporarily.
And the sad thing is, I won’t even be moving to another T5 party, because while it may not happen in their leadership, their party still contributes to the same afflictions on a national scale. There is no need for it people … *points at the AFA* THE ENEMY IS OUT THERE, NOT IN WITH THE REST OF US PATRIOTIC eAMERICANS! … People need to let go of grudges, let go of anger, animosity, anguish … pain.
They are cancerous feelings and emotions, and they’re crippling us. If it can lead to a parties most stalwart and decadent supporter leaving, who knows where the trend will end?
People to thank
I can’t thank everyone … I don’t think people have the patience to read that much. If my eLife was more exciting, maybe i’d write a memoir … hell, still might. If I do, I will mention everyone. But let me try anyway -
1) - Strangely enough … Haliman. He brought me to this game, helped me get set up, and was actually the person who took me on as a deputy in the game. I’ve not always agreed with his decisions, in fact, anyone in AMP and outside can attest that I have vocally been against them. But he was always kind to me and even though it’s not often, we still speak.
2) - Israel Stevens. Let me get one thing straight - You can be a right ***hole at times, and yet, I still have a lot to thank you for. You mentored me, you gave me advice and information even when I didn’t ask for it, you gave me my first real job in the party and helped me become more. As much as I hate saying it sometimes, I owe you.
3) - Brad Gwatney - Simply for kicking my ass during my 2nd PP Term. I hadn’t realised how bad I had become until you told me I was being a total dick and that I was ruining the party. It wasn’t pretty to look at myself that way, but I knew that because you’d said it, it was the truth … I tried turning myself and the term around for you.
4) - Emdoublgee and Dr Luis Sentieiro - We shared a lot of moments in the leadership channel planning didn’t we? We wasn’t some evil cabal of elitists like some people would think since we always considered peoples opinions and feelings when we talked about the direction of the party. It has been a tremendous pleasure to watch you guys go on to be fine Party Presidents in your own rights.
5) - Bruce Killah, Eric Vanderberg, Jack Mensley, Errorka (sugarfree), Gaara Killah … and so many more who have served with me over the years in leadership. Your companionship has always lifted my spirits until the day the spirit was broken. There are many memories I will have of everyone who’s been in that room … it’s quite numerous to be honest. Every single one of you have left a mark on my life in one way or another.
6) - Cerb - Yes I know you can read this Cerb, the Lawyer Dog. Thank you for pushing me to finally run for PotUS and giving me the courage. I may not have been the best at the job, I may not have been able to dedicate all of myself to the job like I wanted to, but I was at least given the opportunity to try thanks to your encouragement.
And finally, obviously and quite easily - 7) - Sarah Killah - I can actually still remember the first time I’d heard of you. It was eNPR and you’d called in after being in the game for, what, a week? I remember thinking you had this lovely voice. I certainly didn’t expect to find you end up in the AMP and then in leadership as well. But since then, you’ve been a source of joy and laughter, and in recent times, you’ve been one of the core reasons for me staying where I am. You have honestly been my rock and I can’t even begin to thank you enough for managing to put up with me xD
And so, I guess this ends a chapter in AMP’s history. One more oldie out of the way to make room for a newer generation. I hope the party fixes itself and tries to thrive once more. Maybe it needs people like me out of the way who keep some of the old ways to allow for new ways to take root and grow.
I never wanted it to end like this, but it has to be this way. Where will I go now? I don’t know … it’s not just AMP I’m retiring from, but politics as a whole … I’ve spent too much time there and I’ve had my fair share of drama, backroom dealings and scheming. It’s too dirty and is no place for someone who was brought up and is bound by honesty.
And with that, this is a Party President, signing off for possibly the last time.
What is this?You are reading an article written by a citizen of eRepublik, an immersive multiplayer strategy game based on real life countries. Create your own character and help your country achieve its glory while establishing yourself as a war hero, renowned publisher or finance guru.