[AMM] Official Statement on Cancer

Day 1,250, 08:50 • Published in Canada Canada • by 00AngryMobMan00

(This is a rather long article, sorry....)

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eCanada,

Listen up, and listen well - for I am only going to talk about this story once, and once only. What I am going to do in this article, is somewhat "dissect" the whole cancer situation - bit by bit - and eventually explain to you why Saltydog is half-right, with his claims against me (you'll understand what I mean by this - hopefully - at the end of this article.

So to properly understand the entire situation, you really need to understand my "mentality" at the time, of the whole incident - as there were huge real life issues for me, during this time - as I will explain now.

The Back-Story

So the entire series of events, is based around one HUGE REAL LIFE event (which only very few people actually know about - I think, maybe one or two people?) - and you will see why.

At the beginning of the summer (mid June) of 2010, I had basically “come out of the closet” to my family and friends (so to speak) - and the fair amount of people who know me on IRC, can attest to this whole situation being tough for me.

Now, my family (who is a very strict Christian family, mind you - almost to the point of extremist orthodox) was not pleased with this - in fact, they were outright FURIOUS about this (like I said, they were strict). They were so furious, that they almost decided to “disown” me (and when I say “almost”, I mean that decided that they would not talk to me, would not associate with me, would not respond back to my questions, and would do “next to nothing” for me (i.e. minimal favours, errands, and so forth), etc.)!

The situation did not stop there though, it only got worse. My grandparents, cousins, aunts, and uncles, all started taking “sides” on the whole situation... and for the most part (minus 2 people whom I will never forget, in my family), they all took the side of “homosexuality is wrong”.

Because of this, I literally had no one to talk to, and no one to associate with (since, most of my family took on the “almost disown” ideology - and friends can be so unreliable at times), because my family and friends would not give a flying fu*k, about what I did - they literally lost ALL CARE for me.

Now, this whole “almost disown” situation, did not happen over a short period of time, in fact, it lasted for a whole TWO MONTHS. Imagine my mentality then - eight weeks, without having any family members to talk to you... or to care for you... or to even LOVE YOU. Those eight weeks were so brutal and devastating for me - that on MANY OCCASIONS, I was more than willing to take my own life - and I am dead serious when I say that.

So the tl;dr of the back-story, is that for eight weeks, I literally had no one talking to me.... no one “caring for”/loving me.... and beyond all that, I had no one to turn to to ask for advice and for help - no friends and no family. Eight weeks.

Okay, so now you can understand my mentality over that time period - I was in a very “fragile”, and “depressed” state of mind; now keeping all of this in mind, I want you to all try and understand the next part.

The Cancer

This is where Saltydog, is half-right, as I absolutely did have cancer - however, before jumping to any conclusions, I ask you read this section carefully.

June 29th of 2010, is when I officially went to the doctors (for the first time), to get my leg checked out - because (as I stated on IRC), this was about 5-7 days after I had noticed a dull pain in my leg (that steadily got worse and worse - periodically - over the 5-7 day span between the initial pain and the doctor’s office), and I was steadily getting (what I could best describe as) cold/flu type symptoms (i.e. headache, fever, nausea, and so forth).

A couple days later (unfortunately I forget the exact date), I got the test results back (from the initial biopsy - and then subsequently the results from the PET/bone scan), and the doctors had concluded that I had Bone Cancer, and said that they PRESUMED that the cancer seemed to be the type that does not metastasize (we will later see they were wrong about this).

The doctors then scheduled me in for a simple operation (that was based off of an arthroscope procedure - just, they intended to remove something, and not just look at it 😛), that was to take place a few days later. Keep in mind still, my parents, family, and friends - were very minimally supportive about this whole procedure - all the while, I wanted just SOMEONE to talk to... I suppose this is where the trouble began.

So the days passed, and my operation was a success - the doctors were able to “successfully” remove the cancer - and they assumed that it would not come back. But of course, to be sure of this, the doctors kept me in the hospital for a few days, just to make sure (needless to say, my family never visited me in the hospital).

So this is where the whole “scandal” (for lack of better term, I suppose) took place. By the middle/late end of July (about a month after my initial dose of cancer in my leg - and subsequently this was about one month (or five weeks) of having my family not talk to me - I still despise and repent all of them, for being so cruel and cold-hearted in my time of need), I had noticed that the same symptoms had come back, as I had about a month prior. This time, the pain had moved a little more north (although still on the bone in my leg) in my body (I went through the whole procedure a second time - but that is irrelevant at this time).

Again, my family could not care less about my condition.

So I was lost... with all these conflicts and emotions building up inside of me... I had no where else to turn... I was in a time of need, and no one was there to “comfort” me... so I did a jacka*s move, and told the people on IRC that the cancer has spread to my brain.... when it really only spread to another section of my leg (which is where the saltydog “half-right” idea comes in)....

Saltydog is right, that my claims were off the wall.... but he is wrong, where he says I initially faked the cancer, as the primary tumour/cancer cells/whatever you want to call them, were very real... he is right again though, hen he claims my brain cancer story was off the wall.

I used you guys, for my own personal benefit... I was needy for attention... for care... ANYTHING... and I did such a stupid move, to manipulate you all. I still think back today, and regret telling you guys such a story (the brain cancer part)... But for once, in a near five week/six week period.. people were actually showing attention to me, and were showing some “care” for me (to a certain extent - and yes, I know how odd that sounds, having to revert to a virtual world to find attention - but again, refer to “The Back-Story”).

So the tl;dr here, is that I very much had the initial (primary) and metastasized (secondary) cancer cells, both in my leg (in different areas of the leg though) - that itself is not a lie, and is very true. However, I took advantage of you guys, by telling a whopping story about the brain cancer... when it was less severe than that... and I regret it everyday.

You may point out the question “why did I not just say I have bone cancer x2?”.... to that, I can’t conjure up a response... I was in such an unstable “mind state”, that I truly have no idea what I was thinking - why I thought b rain cancer... I still don’t know... back then, I guess I just assumed it was the best way to get people to actually pay attention to the situation, and to actually.. “care”... for me.

The story itself.... after I told the initial tale of brain cancer.... did get too far out of hand... but after i told one thing... I had to keep going with the story, since if I didn’t... I was afraid that people would then lose all faith in me in eRepublik (by faith, I simply mean the attention, and care that people were showing to me), and that I would be stranded (emotionally), in both RL and then eRep (and I didn’t want that to happen). So, the story went further and further, so to speak. It got worse and worse... and I am so sorry, for ever having started this story.

So now comes the question of “what now?”....

What Now?
Well, you’ve now all heard the story - in all of its truthfulness, and exactly how it happened - and I am going to bite the bullet, and take any and all punishments/criticisms/flaming/trolling/whatever you want to do, like a man... no comment from me.

After looking back, I made a series of absolutely terrible mistakes - starting from the most simplest of things (of which could have been avoided, if I had of just thought things through, and had not of been so “needy” for attention).

So what can I do now? At the very least, I’m saying I’m SORRY.... I am completely sorry, for manipulating each and every single one of you... everyone who got entangled within my story. I was an absolute idiot for doing what I did - and as I said, I regret ever doing it (always have, and always will).

So what CAN I do for you eCanada? I am assuming that the vast majority of you will not forgive me - and if you choose not to, I can fully understand, and will not hold it against you. But if you can think of any way that I can PERSONALLY make it up to you - each and every single one of you - then i want you to get in contact with me.. and i’ll do whatever I can, to help “make things better” (so to speak).

But what am I going to do now, you may ask - in terms of my eRepublik “career”?

I leave that up to all of my “superiors”.

@The Canadian Armed Forces (more specifically: PDP, jsboutin, and MaryChan)... As you are well aware, I have already resigned my “high command” positions (PMO and PR officer)... and have reverted to being just a simple platoon executive officer. I leave my fate with the CAF in your hands - if you wish me to resign, I shall.... if you wish to demote me, you can.... if you wish to do nothing, you can.... it is all up to you.

@The CPP (more specifically coolmanos)... I know I have been acting as your “somewhat official” advisor... if you still want me as your advisor, I will gladly stay... if you want me to leave the executive, I will gladly do that.

@Acacia Mason... You have appointed me to be your Deputy Prime Minister, if you do get elected - I leave my fate in your hands to. If you want me to run alongside you, then I will gladly run alongside you, as we have already been doing. If you feel “NO”, that I should not run alongside you, then I am willing to accept that as well, and I will also not hold that against you. I am open either way, yes or no, you just let me know.

@Saltydog, John_Cleese, Yonsil (and any others I may be forgetting? Dominik, Muglack? - in general the people that I called lairs and/or attempted to prove me wrong). Basically, you guys were trying to hit the nail on the head - so to speak. I know exactly what your intentions were, and it was to show what I was doing wrong, and attempting to show that to the public - I don't hold anything you guys said against you, as again, that was my fault. Like I originally stated, I was going through tough times.. and one thing led to another - which you guys, very clearly, picked up on. I apologize deeply for publicly (continually) calling you guys liars - I was simply trying to defend the stuff that I had... well... said. I am well aware that many of you will not forget this/not forgive me about this, and I am fine with that, you have every right to be furious at me. I just hope we can (eventually) find a way to get around this... eventually, hopefully.

@Everyone else... I don’t know what to say to you all.... I was an attention freak... that was in such an unstable “mind state”... who was clearly not thinking properly. As I said, if you forgive me, I will be forever grateful to you. if you choose never to forgive me, I will accept that as well - and will not hold it against you.

Thank you for reading, and hopefully this clears everything up.

Thank you,
AngryMobMan