Join the new world

It was a dark and snowy night come December 24th. The wind was blowing snow and ice against the windows. Even here in the Banana Belt of Wyoming – with all the Hot Springs have to offer – it was still freezing.

"If I wanted this crap, I would have relocated to Crook County," I mumbled to myself as I simmered Olive Oil in a pan, prior to letting it cool, followed by my mixing it with Eggs, a touch of Water and my favorite Brownie Mix. Nothing like an oil soluble vasodilator baked into Brownies to help with edema, high blood pressure and to help one sleep through the night.



At that point I heard a scuffling sound in my chimney. I figured it was either rats or the Wyoming Regional Police were getting more imaginative in their methods of dynamic entry. I sighed, made sure everything was where it belonged in my shoulder holster and grabbed by pistol-gripped shotgun.

But, much to my surprise, an old bearded man with a red coat – and was that cotton trim? – tumbled out of the fireplace. I raised the shotgun and pulled the fore-end to the rear of the gun and pushed the composite slide forward. The old bearded man raised his hands up in a gesture of surrender.



"Bruce! Wait! We need to talk," he gasped stuttering. "I'm Kris Kringle, Saint Nicholas, Sinterklaas, Nikolaos of Bari, Father Christmas or just call me Santa! I'm here because I heard you were running for Congress in Wyoming for the Libertarian Party."

"Well, then I guess it is a good thing I turned down the Secret Service Detail, because this thing," I gestured with the shotgun "Is more for effect. So, you are either really Santa Claus, or you are insane. Either way, I guess it wouldn't do to shoot you. Have a seat and tell me what's on your mind."



"I want you to join the Christmas Movement," he said in a firm, no-nonsense voice.

"You mean that idea that SamWystan has been kicking around? Government transparency? Senators with Staffs? Extending the amount of fun to my constituency, and that idea with Rhode Island?"

That's what I'm talking about," the man who was allegedly Santa shot back. "Give the Gift of Freedom, as he says."

"So, if I do this, will that put me on the "nice list"?

"First of all you, were raised Jewish. And since you are a Politician, let us just say that you won't be considered as naughty."

"Okay, I'll do it then. Before you go, if you'll wait a bit, I'll have some Brownies coming out of the oven. As you know who all is naughty and nice, you also know that what I bake should help you with many of the common ailments that you may be suffering due to morbid obesity and the stress of your job. As with any medication, I would wait until I got home before consumption, though."

"No need, Bruce," he said with a deep chuckle. "The Elves handle all of my medical needs. The wonders of magic," he finished and waved as he changed into a sparkle of light and shot up the chimney.



"Wow! He's not insane then," I muttered. "Maybe I am."



So, here I am, spreading the word of the Christmas Movement. Make sure to check out SamWystan's article "Give the Gift of Freedom" for more information.

And have a Merry Christmas. As you are driving home from your annual Christmas Party, watch out for the reindeer. Oh, wait! The Admins put those in Japan.