3 Reasons Why Emerick Already Fails as a President

Day 624, 14:43 • Published in USA USA • by Nick Everdale
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The eAmerican media is a tough nut to crack. There's often such a drive for a newspaper to have the "big scoop" that the news sometimes seems like a 25-hour cycle. But allow The Fair Dealer to be the first to break this story, before any other newspaper.

It's official: Emerick FAILS as President of the United States!

Now I know, Emerick isn't technically president yet, but I'm pretty sure he's already doing an awful job at it, and I can prove it:

1. Look at how many states we've lost! - Sure, Emerick wasn't really president when that happened, but he is now, so this is HIS FAULT. A smart Congress would impeach him now, so he can be removed before the election is even finished.

2. Emerick hasn't placed Q5 Hospitals in every remaining state! - WTF.

3. Emerick hasn't replied to my PM on how to win the war! - Sure, I borrowed it from this great e-mail I got from Ajay Bruno, but come on, ruling from the ivory tower like that is why he's already failed.

Ladies and gentlemen, I've lost faith in our President before he was even President. We must Em-Peach Emerick!


Note: This is a work of lols.