Brits at Home, Brits in the World

Day 1,314, 15:27 • Published in United Kingdom United Kingdom • by HobbitTon


Would you like some British muzak?

~Audience? What are you doing in my trunk? You could have gotten squished by all the junk in there. Don't scare me like that.~



I started playing eRepublik 364 days ago from today. All of my time had been spent preying on innocent gnomes on the beautiful grasslands of America. Recently, cases of mistaken identity struck the gnomes I captured. One day they thought they were Spaniards. Other days they were Hundarians or Polish gypsies. This was a sign, a powerful indicator of an American epidemic, one more devastating than obesity. America was infected with Fail. Hobbits, unlike most people, are not immune to Fail due to evolution. It's simple Darwinism. Generations of so much win have caused us hobbits to develop rather flamboyant egos.

I'm sorry America. I really am. I forgot how blind you are to your failures. Maybe if I sugarcoat it for - no. I know how kinky you get near food. Maybe a flashy picture might capture your attention.



One second, admiring multicultural America. Churro?

Out of all the English speaking countries that call the New World home, it was only natural for me to swim across the river to the great sovereignty of Britain. Canada was just America's pathetic buffer, and waltzing Matildas overpopulated the Australian billybong. New Zealand. Eh, I'm not a stickler for kiwis. Let's look back on primary school history, shall we? America. Canada. Australia. New Zealand. What do they have in common? They were once Britain's colonies. And while the British empire shrunk over the centuries, its influence remains. Anyways, those other countries will never get some of this:



My fascination for British polticking peaked when I saw the Queen on BBC. How elegantly she sipped her cup of tea, looking as young as she did many years prior. Even while doing absolutely nothing, she captivates the audience of children and men alike. You wonder why you never hear about her husband, Prince Philip. He'll never be anything but a prince, but he can only watch as his grandson Prince Williams will one day become King. It's a sad tale, indeed, but it makes for a good story. Never marry royal women. They're superior to you.

But enough about the Queen. This is the eUK!

Oddly enough, Emerick and I became citizens of Britain at about the same time. You may know him, the Sweet Prince. I can't say anything bad about him, since he is fathering my children, but we're different personalities. I'm hot. He's cold. I'm yes. He's no. I'm in. He's out. You get the point.

In conclusion, America will get wiped. Britain is great. Let the fun begin.



Bless your face. If you blinked during this article, bless you. Do vote and subscribe! HobbitTon out! Boop!

Best Regards,

~Your friendly neighborhood hobbit.~