[eUK vCP] What next? The mwc era...

Day 2,178, 18:39 • Published in United Kingdom United Kingdom • by WookieO


You’re no longer in charge, you hairy buffoon….

The bright Autumn sunlight streamed through the windows of his boudoir as WookieO slowly woke up from his deep slumber. Time for another busy day in charge of the eUK he thought...before suddenly remembering that time was over.

In fact it was a month later and to be honest, he wasn’t sure what he’d actually been doing for the past few weeks. His brain was most definitely confuddled.

He pulled on a pair of scruffy tracksuit bottoms and staggered downstairs just in time to see Mrs Wook scamper out of the front door and into a waiting limo.

“Pah!” he mumbled to himself, she was off with that Keers chappy. He was splashing the cash on her lately. Supposedly she was writing an economics paper on him and his empire, but Wook thought something smelled distinctly fishy about the the whole thing...and it wasn’t the new fragrance from Spite Smells Inc., that was for sure.


Iain Keers’ signature scent...the dolphins love him…

What to do? What to do?!? The hairy former Prime Minister thought as he sat watching Homes Under the Hammer and munching on some toast and marmalade.

He’d been in charge of the entire nation only days weeks ago! Now here he was, looking rougher than usual, reeking of stale cigar smoke and cheap red wine, sitting on the sofa in his suburban house watching daytime telly. This was not right!


If Wook had a shave and got his act together maybe he could look this good in a few years’ time…

Suddenly it came to him...he didn’t have to be in charge of the country to be useful! He was a member of the Royal Army Dental Corps, by Jove!! He threw the rest of his toast at the television screen, downed his cup of tea, then jumped up and legged it upstairs to get changed…



Tally ho eUK!! Watch out world…


A quick trip to the local supermarket…

Having stocked up on supplies at Lidl, Wook found himself outside Dental Corps HQ, a trolley full of potatoes, vodka and smoked salmon in front of him. He tugged at the collar on his ill fitting shirt, gave his boots a quick rub and walked through the front door of the hallowed building.

On entering he saw Wayne in one corner smoking what looked suspiciously like a Camberwell Carrot, laughing like a goon with Chaz, whilst mwcerberus surreptitiously threw peanuts at FragUK.

Frag was looking rather stern, giving a lecture on tanking to Rfeist, who was being distracted by Sam010. The wee scamp was surfing t’internet for pictures of crazy giraffe porn and then using an old overhead projector to display them on the wall behind Frag.


This stuff actually exists?!?

Wook stood gaping at his fellow DCers, so excited to be in DC HQ, that he almost wet himself. Finally mwcerberus took pity on the furry figure and beckoned him over...

“Woof! You all right Wook? Have a sit down lad and I’ll get thee a nice cuppa…” the canine featured northerner twanged, before shouting at Wayne to put the bloody kettle on.

“I’m a bit lost, to be perfectly honest mwc,” Wook revealed, his dulcet home counties baritone jarring against the strange Yorkshire growl of mwcerberus, “I was CP, now I’m not...I seem to have lost focus. I even thought about joining New Era for a second!”

“Woof! Ayup son, it can’t be as bad as all that! Tell thee what, I’ve got an idea.”

At that point Wayne sauntered over, plopped Wook’s tea down on the table and slapped him on the back. He had a few words of advice:

“Pull yourself together! You’re part of the Dental Corps, we don’t do self pity...we do, well lots of other stuff instead! Grow some balls, do what mwc says and for the love of all things dental...have a bleedin’ bath!!”


Stinky wookies do not prosper…

After having a well deserved soak in the DC bath tub, Wook was well prepared for the revelations ahead.

He found himself sat down next to Zaphod Beeblebrox IV who was wearing a “I’m a commie, deal with it!” t-shirt and munching on a pasty.

“Woof! Evening gents, I’ve got you two together because I intend to run for CP this month and I wanted two extraordinarily handsome and intelligent men to be my vice-CPs...” mwc beamed at the pair who were now smiling, “...unfortunately, I couldnt find anyone like that, so I’ve got you.”

mwc guffawed like a child who initially thought he’d accidentally eaten a dog turd, but in fact found out it was actually a discarded Cumberland sausage.

“Woof! I want you to go out into the world, talk to people, be my voice when I am otherwise engaged in deviant sexual practices. Can you do that?”

Zaphod looked rather disdainfully at mwc and grunted something unintelligible, but Wook jumped out of his seat bathed in the sudden light of purpose and understanding.

“Thanks mate,” he beamed at mwc, shaking his hand profusely, “I’ll get right on to that….sir!”

And without a second glance back the fuzzy faced freak raced from the room, bestowed with his mission...for the next month at least.



”What next? The mwc era..." was taken from the official Wook Memoirs to be released next month (maybe...although there’s been a slight delay in publishing, due to unforeseen technical issues relating to the lack of an actual book deal) in all good book shops.

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