Your FREE Daily eHoroscope

Day 979, 05:06 • Published in Hungary Hungary • by Sir Moke Shag

My gullible friends! I have consulted the stars and planets, analyzed the flight of sparrows and bumblebees, looked at fish intestines and squished goat testicles. I even drew conclusions from the movement of sticks floating in a human skull jar filled with toad pee. Using all the data I have collected, I can confidently say, that the mist and smoke shrouding your future is no more!



Here is, what’s going to happen to you today:


ARIES: Your day will mainly consist of the following activities: working, training, learning in a library and doing some gym workout, that for some reason, makes you a bit happier. Before the day ends, you will run into a bug.

TAURUS: Your country is involved in a war, and you have feelings about that. One side will be victorious and you can do nothing against it! Just pray that the bugs affecting it, will favor your side!

GEMINI : Have you considered buying a higher quality house or better food? Perhaps you should think about investing in a company. Grain or titanium? Those are questions that may run trough your head. You should also think about, what to do about the bugs you will encounter today. Sending a ticket won’t help, but do it anyway!

CANCER: Today you will vote this article and perhaps subscribe to this newspaper. The number of bugs that will bug you today is: 2.

LEO : You are strong and confident, just like a lion. Everybody loves you, even if many choose to hide their true feelings! Don’t forget to work today, your Hard Worker Medal depends on it! When you encounter a bug, don’t be alarmed. It’s normal.

VIRGO: It’s ironic that IRL you are also a virgin. That’s only because you are a loser! Why otherwise would you play such games? My advise for you is to logout quickly and never ever return! This is the only (theoretical) way to avoid running into a bug today!

LIBRA: (Look at CANCER. The same sh*t)

SCORPIO: For some reason I cannot foresee your future clearly. It’s too vague. Does the image of a big red bird taking a dump in a beautiful green garden, swarmed by tons of some kind of insects, say anything to you?

SAGITTARIUS: There are no bows in this war-game (only bugs) and this makes you feel out of the place, perhaps even slightly offended. Don’t hold it in! Let your feelings out! Send a PM to your boss! Let him know about the past grievances you have suffered (due to bugs). If he (yes, he) does not get your message, it’s because of a bug! They are out there, trying to get you! It’s the right time to be paranoid!

CAPRICORN: You are kinda fed up with this game. You are telling to yourself: “It’s not worth my precious time! All those bugs are making me go crazy!” Just give it one more chance, even if you might encounter a few bugs today. You will.

AQUARIUS: One wor😛 bugs!

PISCES: Today you have made it in your country’s congress! With 42 votes in the Maharashtra region you have secured a close victory! The treasure chest you open, will include the Treasure of Kings consisting of 62.18 Gold! For some reason however, when you check the accounts, you won’t find the money there. The reason is a bug. You will react to this by severe cursing, smashing the keyboard into monitor, and biting the cable of the mouse. Calm down. It’s not the end of the world!


Now that you know all this, you cannot unknow it!

BTW: I do more detailed personal readings too! Just send 1 Gold to the Shameless Scam Foundation (SSF), and the portal into your glorious future will unravel before your very eyes! For just 1 extra Gold, I can make your reading even MORE positive! Because I CAN! What are you waiting for? SEND ME MONEY NOW!