WHPR [Day 1,725]- Indonesia's Deflowering

Day 1,725, 14:34 • Published in USA USA • by James S. Brady Press Room


Good evening, America

By now you’ve all settled into the warm, tender embrace that is the Glove administration. You’re settling in to the silky smooth love-making that our President, Gloveislove, has bestowed upon you. It was raucous, it was passionate, and it was beautiful. And the love-child of this ever-so-good romance? The by-product of this erotic encounter?

Direct Democracy, America.

Yes, America, Glove adopted a policy made famous by the Greeks. And no, not anal sex. However, if you play your cards right, that might come later, pretty boy.

No, I’m talking about direct democracy, one man, one vote. And the results of those votes will change how we fight our battles and win our wars. Today, the eAmerican people alone decided where they want to fight, into whom we would inject our delicious American pride.

And, you, and only you, decided that Indonesia should be the receptacle for our insert semen joke here.

Not only have you decided our target in this endeavor, but this administration has set a precedent for all of our battles to come. This is the way our wars of the future will be decided; by the people. How can a future administration possible revoke the right of the people to fight where they want to fight? This administration has made eHistory in five small days, and you are a part of it.

So, now that Glove has proved to us and the non-believers that he can take eUSA to where it’s never gone before, I think it’s time we rallied behind him, for the good of the eCountry, and for fun.

Personally, I pay more attention to sporadic Shaman reports from small Indian villages than I pay to the wars of eRepublik. But you guys seem to like it, so hey, that’s good. To each his own.

But now, we embark on a mission in the Pacific. Our mission is to destroy Indonesia, with guns, with knives, and, most importantly, with our ridiculously large phalluses. Indonesia will not be safe from our waterfall-like, milky onslaught.

I've suggested that they wear floaties, or they will surely drown in the Lake Ontario that is our damage emission.

Oh, and teletubbies;




Indonesian Essay Contest
With our pocket-rockets now firmly aimed at Indonesia’s nether-regions, I think it’s time I held an essay contest based on our new sexy, sexy foes. No doubt this war will inspire some creativity in aspiring writers, and to others the opportunity will be lost. If you have an idea for an essay about Indonesia, feel free to write it and send it in. Judging from what I’ve seen so far in eRep, most of the entries are probably going to be about intercourse metaphors. That’s totally okay.

Just send a private message to this organization, or to my personal account, whatever, with the story.

I’ll pick which one I like the best or which one makes me laugh harder. I’m deciding it, so therefore it’s completely arbitrary and your hopes and dreams mean nothing to me. If you win, uh, congratulations. I don’t really have a prize for you, except for endless, unconditional love.

I will expect your bottled tears as bribery. What’s an essay contest without the liquid sadness of those who participate? A sh*tty essay contest, that’s what.



Commander Needed For Civilian Military Unit

Now onto something serious.
Last night, Molly Emma PM’d me. She asked me if I could do her a favor. I, of course, asked if this favor was sexually explicit. She said no, unfortunately, but I did end up doing the favor, which was terribly lacking in depraved love-making.

Apparently, there is a Civilian Military Unit, and it needs a commander to lead it to victory. If you want the job, it’s simple; all you need to do is cross the river styx while devouring the flesh of unborn puppies.

Just kidding, you’ll need to be active everyday and have solid game knowledge. Although, for those of you keeping score, I’d rather eat puppies than play eRepublik every single day. Don’t take that too out of context, though.

If you want this prestigious position, you’ll need to prepare to manage inventory and supplies, be a quartermaster (that’s the guy who gives out the supplies), monitor the Military Unit’s shout feed, and actually talk to the members of the military unit and coordinate efforts and supplies .

You’ll also have to drink Glove’s holy nectar all day, every day, lest you be subjected to vicious beatings.

Kidding. Sort of.

So, do you think you have what it takes to a Commander for the Civilian Military Unit? Only players with steel plated balls are qualified, so please, if you don’t think you can handle it, don’t apply, you’re just wasting everyone’s time.

But if you think you’re cool enough, righteous enough, and badass enough for the job, then feel free to apply here:Totally awesome application here.



In closing, I’d like to say that the first five days of Glove’s administration have been great. Make no mistake, his cabinet knows what’s wrong and what’s right with eAmerica, and they know what they can fix now and what will take more effort and long-term planning. But what Glove and his cabinet truly need to succeed is support from the people who make this community awesome; you guys.



eUSA isn’t awesome because we have a high damage count or because we have kick-ass elections. We’re not awesome because we’re Bros with Canada or because we’re attacking Indonesia. We’re awesome because we’re a bunch of people who don’t know each other, and we’re building a makeshift society, complete with government, services, and yes, war. I’d say that’s a pretty awesome accomplishment. After all, that’s what this game is all about; community. I don’t know a single player who’s ever said “Yeah man, I feel really fulfilled by the military module”. That’s never been said in the history of eRepublik ever. You’ll more likely hear “I like hanging around on the IRC/Forum/ Shout feed”. That’s what’s cool about this game, let’s not forget it.




And let’s wish Glove a collective “Good Luck” as the sun rises on his presidency.

Oh, and teletubbies.





Stay classy, America

Aeroner





2164