What is a president?

Day 2,815, 10:37 • Published in USA USA • by screwdriverbot

I don't know. I think I heard it was like using a fleshlight without the y chromosome. Not that there's anything wrong with it. I mean, I know a woman who sits on a church stoop for three hours clapping her hands and pretending that a banana is a telephone. That's her morning routine.

I went to the hospital last week, after ingesting a chemical cocktail that put me on my hands and knees, covered in vomit and tears. It was fun. Therapeutic. You know, sometimes you need sit in the middle of the street having a bile-tasting panic attack in order to appreciate all the blessings in your life.

A dude gave me a pack of cigarettes earlier and I was only trying to bum one.

A girl stopped what she was doing earlier to compliment me on my style.

No one has ever pressed charges against me.

People who say "hello" to random people on the street.

The little things that we take for granted, that we forget gets us from one moment to the next. It's beautiful.

So in conclusion, today I voted for Ronald Gipper Reagan, the man i believe has the vision to make America #1.

Thank you.