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Inside this edition of Weekend Update:
-Membership in the Cult of Inactivity is reported to be on the rise, despite a lack of recruitment efforts or entertaining activities. Could the growing Serbian influence in New Zealand be the cause? Update's own Michael Hawk investigates.
-The Ministry of Fun announces the winners for the Essay Contest.
-Wahoobob continues his campaign for the January CP election.

Before we begin, I would like to encourage all Super Sweet Sixteen Party members to vote in our party's Country President Endorsement Primary Poll. It will be open until about 1500 on Thursday. Thanks. http://www.erep.co.nz/index.php?topic=1073.0



Despite high expectations, participation in the recent Essay Contest sponsored by the Ministry of Fun was low. In fact, not one single qualified entry was found. However, two articles were identified by experts as "close enough" and "good tries," and as such will each receive a portion of the prize money. The two authors will each receive 100 NZD for their efforts and contribution to the New Zealand media.

The winning articles were "Door to Decision" by Blacklist Rose, and "More than e-Feeling" by Jythier Smith.


As many readers know, I announced in a recent interview with Chetan Zapato my intentions to run for President (Prime Minister, Grand Chancellor, Supreme Sheep Shagger, etc; call it what you like) on January 5th. This may be quite a while away, but the teachings of the Holy One say that one must make such an announcement well in advance. I was elected to Congress this week for the first time in nine tries, so I hope to ride this wave of momentum on to the next level. I have had a great deal of experience in the Executive branch already, including cabinet-level positions under three different presidents in the United States. I have experience in foreign policy, having worked closely with allies in Australia and other places. I have had a great deal of experience in the military, having seen first-hand many successful campaigns like Operation Turkish Delight and Jewitt's Three Pillars and a few horrible failures such as Operation Taco Bell. I have managed a handful of successful companies in my time, and run what I consider to be a pretty good newspaper. The only area I really need experience in is Congress, which - like I said earlier - I am taking care of this month.

Many people may be asking why I would make a good leader. Sure, I may be old, but does that mean I will be effective? I believe that if my experience has taught me anything, it is that there are lots of people who are experts in their field and that I am not one of them. I do know who the experts are, though, and I am willing to seek their advice before making decisions. For example, I know that Devoid is really good with finances and economic numbers. Darkmantle knows everything there is to know about our country's Defense Force. Kyle321n is by far the expert on making sweet beautiful love to horses. Not that I plan to join him, I'm just saying, if someone ever came to me and wanted advice on shagging a horse, I would send them to Kyle.

Another thing I have learned is that innovation is how people get ahead in this game. People who think of new and better ways to do things are huge assets to their communities. With the Admins constantly changing the way the game is played, we need folks dedicated to looking at these changes and developing new ways to adapt. This is why, when I am elected, I will encourage every member of my team to spend time thinking up new ways to do things better.

My team will also be encouraged to communicate. With an online game like this, the number one challenge in working together is communication. Someone might have a really good idea, but if they don't tell anyone, it becomes useless. The different Ministers need to know what other Ministries are doing to make New Zealand great so they can work together. Congress needs to be informed of ongoing programs so they feel good about approving money to be spent on the programs. The military needs to be given some orders to give people some incentive to stick around. This is why, as President, I will demand active communication within my team. I will also develop a system to allow my team to alert each other if and when crisis situations arise.

I will continue to think of good reasons for you to vote for 'Hoo In A Few (months) and give another update next week.



Feature Story: Michael Hawk Investigates Cult of Inactivity

The Cult of Inactivity is known for their large numbers and low community involvement. Ever since the creation of the United States Workers Party, the Cult has claimed members by encouraging them to participate only by working and training, only to then fade away into the night before repeating the cycle the next day. The Cult has spread its influence to nearly every major nation in the New World. Recently, a growing number of level-15 citizens with no avatar have been spotted here in New Zealand. "Definitely Cult members,” said one local official who spoke to Update strictly off the record, “All they do is work and train. A few have joined a party, almost none have newspapers.”

The most puzzling piece of this puzzle is the growth of the Cult, despite a clear lack of recruiting by the group. “We do our best to get in touch with new citizens before the Cult does,” said one government official, “but sadly, a lot of them ignore our message and they end up brainwashed by the Cult. They are tricked into doing nothing all day.” Studies show nothing but negative effects for those who join the Cult; members are slower to develop experience points than those active in the military, and the group has the lowest rate of success in elections for Party President and Congress.

This last characteristic would indicate, despite growing popular belief, that the Serbian influence on New Zealand is not having a strong effect on the Cult. “We often see the ‘two-clicker effect’ in elections where the Cult has a strong influence,” said a policy expert at the University of Auckland. “This effect is characterized by Cult members voting early in the day for candidates based on having a clever username, attractive avatar, or cheering for the same sporting teams. I think it’s pretty clear that the Serbian candidates do not meet any of those qualities.” When asked for comment by telephone today, a Cult spokesman who declined to identify himself said only “We’re not busy right now, leave a message anyway.”

As long as the Cult remains cloaked in mystery, we at Weekend Update will be working tirelessly to write silly articles about it. Until next time, ~~Michael Hawk

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Weekly Comic by Dncelyn - click to enlarge



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