We Are Not Safe

Day 1,509, 09:34 • Published in USA USA • by Sir Gulden Draak
I thought I was safe, but safe I was not. It had been over 24 hours since the election ended, and while I knew President Oblige wanted his 77% of the vote or whatever, I thought things were cool. Since I am poor and own no house, I went to sleep in the hay loft of one of my grain farms last evening. Suddenly at around 3 A.M., I was awakened by five strangers standing over me. At first I did not recognize them, but after my eyes adjusted I recognized them as none other than Oblige’s lackeys Evry, Israel Stevens, kooguy, Jude Connors, and Serendipitous. I was startled and scared, I began to wet myself. I asked them what they wanted, my voice trembling Israel laughed at me and said that they were from Mentors and that I was summoned to meet Oblige. OF COURSE, it all made sense now, Mentors wasn’t a eUS program for mentoring young players, it was a secret police used by Oblige to crush dissent amongst the general public, not unlike every other dictatorship known to man.



Beware of the secret police

They led me out of my farm, put me in a Q6 tank, and off we went. I began to settle down, perhaps Oblige just wanted to meet with me to tell me how awesome I am. We arrived at Oblige’s Q5 home paid with your tax dollars, and once we were inside it was clear he intended to do me harm. In the living room there was a boiling pit of lava, and several of my supporters including Glove and PiZ were trapped in cages above the pit. In his best Chris Hanson voice Oblige said, “Why don’t you get in a cage Gulden”. I had no choice, so in a cage I went.



Oblige about to throw me in a lava pit

He then began to lecture me, “You just couldn’t let me have it could you Gulden? The 77% the the love of my people, and the ability to accomplish my master plan.” “Master Plan?”, I said “What on earth are you talking about?”. (Oblige lets out evil villain laugh) “My plan Gulden, is too sell the entire nation to Serbia for the price of 10,000G and I want to watch the eUSA burn down.” “NOOOOOOOOO! Oblige how could you? We trusted you”, I exclaimed. He began to talk about how he was a ONE operative all along, and how he was so close to accomplishing his plan. I was moments away from death, I could feel it. However, before he dropped my cage in the lava he said, “Mentors! To the bedroom! We have business to accomplish” From that point on, all I could here were loud thumping sounds and strange noises. Being raised in a Bible school I didn’t really know what was going on.



While they were in the bedroom, I remembered that I kept a knife in my pocket in a case a woman attacked me during the night to have her way with me. Using my Macgyver skills, I was able to break out of my cage and then like a flying squirrel I went from cage to cage freeing all my supporters. We all then escaped through the kitchen door, and off into the night we went. But for how long will we be safe? The Oblige regime has obviously kept tabs on my supporters. When will be you be captured by Mentors? My supporters you are not safe.Oblige and his lackeys will stop at nothing to hurt you and bring down America. Stay alert my friends, join me in #thelair on IRC we will be safe there. If we are lucky we may just get out of this month alive.

Stay thirsty my friends,

Sir Gulden Draak