Join the new world

Unlike in real life, where war is a nasty business involving going to a desert to get your limbs blown off, war in eRepublik is jolly good fun. In fact, it is the game's main appeal. Nobody plays to get really good at manufacturing, or own a company. People play in the hope of seeing their nation rampage across the globe, and then mock citizens from the defeated countries on the forums.

War is almost a sixth resource, in terms of its effect on a country. Why did people care about the eUK in the past weeks? Was it our huge, powerful citizenry? Were they vying for control of our abundant resources? No. People came to support and troll the British because we were fighting! Because it seemed as though a nation could be destroyed. Did anyone even notice the Czech Republic and Austria were there before they were invaded? In terms of population and resources, we are about equivalent with Argentina. However, the wars of recent weeks have given us a stature far beyond what we deserve.

This is why the eUK needs to invade somewhere.

We need to stop pretending this is real life. We need to stop being nice, and pretending to respect a nation's neutrality. Bullshit! A nations neutrality is respected by Phoenix as long as they have no resources we want (China) and respected by EDEN for as long as they don't happen to be near to them (Czech Republic, Austria). ERepublik taps into a nation’s collective megalomania, allowing to act out the mad fantasies impossible in real life (see Poland's invasion of Germany, and the unending war between Greece and Turkey.) Can any Briton honestly not say they wouldn't like to see the British Empire restored in digital form?

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After careful consideration (that is to say, I spent 3 minutes looking at the world map) I have noticed that we are bordered by three non-EDEN nations, all of whom are smaller than us. Let us take on our role of playground bully, and give one of these smaller powers a kicking! Serbia, Hungary and Russia are taking on China. Let's see who I reckons we could handle.

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IRELAND

Population: 1974

We seem to have had a strange relationship with our Irish neighbours. Although on the surface cordial relations are maintained, anyone who has spent ten minutes reading the Irish forums or news will quickly realise the populace is far less than fond of us. Our leadership shares the depressingly widespread and inexplicable adoration of the Irish, for some reason labouring under the delusions of the Irish excellently described by Dylan Moran here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QccLy8498yg

They have recently occupied our own dear province of Northern Ireland, and are unsportingly refusing to give it back. In my opinion, only one response is necessary in this situation. AN ALL OUT INVASION.

However, in Ireland's defence is their utter lack of any useful resources, and (more pressingly) a MPP with America. This would spell the doom of any attack on an Irish home region, and shatter the only recently brokered peace. So, let’s invade NI, and save the rest of the island for when they run out of money for their MPP with the Yankees.


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DENMARK

Population: 636

Small, harmless, completely inoffensive. The Danes have never done anything to earn our enmity. But let's get 'em. Every time Sweden wants to invade, they go via Midtyjlland. Invading Denmark's sole effect would be to piss of EDEN, and as they are in no mood or position to invade us again, let's make the most of that! Let's make as much noise in this corner of the eWorld which is otherwise so EDEN dominated, just give them something to grimace about. Sadly, Denmark has just gone off the cards again, as Sweden is the process of reoccupying Midtyjlland. This is a worrying sign in my humble opinion, as the only thing it holds strategic value for is invading the eUK, suggesting that those who fear EDEN haven't given up on removing us from the map may indeed be right.


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BELGIUM

Population: 725

Poor old Belgium. Doomed by their small population and strategic positioning, this tiny nation seems doomed to a future of PTOs and actual invasions. Not seemed, in fact, but actually is. EDEN will inevitably invade after the congressional elections; the only variable is whether or not they will attempt to PTO again beforehand. That's why we've got to get in their first! Sorry Belgium, you are too small to make you own decisions. You're ours now.