Join the new world

Pogledao me je ravno u oči, smrtno ozbiljan.
- "Pravi eDžedaj može biti u isto vreme na hiljadu mesta."

- "Ali, Učitelju, kako? Ne razumem."
Bio sam mlad, neperspektivan zemljoradnik, tek ispod dvadesetog nivoa. Pravio sam hrane koliko se moglo, pomalo i oružja, iako sam bio slab i u resursima i u snazi. Naravno, radio za druge u njihovim skupim q5 fabrikama.
Za njih sam čuo i ranije. Majstori vremena i prostora, gospodari bitaka, velikog golda i nepregledivih medalja. eDžedaji.

Moj Učitelj nije bio jedan od njih. Ipak, bio je veliki vođa, duge brade i rank-a koji mi je bio nezamisliv u tom trenutku.
- "Naravno da razumeš! Reci, gde ti stižu pisma?"
- "Pa na moju adresu, paz'daneprovališ@ePTT.com, naravno."
- "A da li ti stižu na tu adresu i nepoželjna pisma?"
- "Svakako, pa svima stižu..."

Setio sam se u trenutku nekoliko sramotnih naslova - "Best penis enlargement", "A pill like a 1000's Viagra", "Meet a she-male in your town tonight". Kako sam mogao biti toliko glup da ostavljam adresu na porno sajtovima?!

- "Setio si se, zar ne?"

Pogledah u Učitelja belo, kao tele.
- "Ne, ne sećao sam se samo nekih naslova pisama..."
- "Od koga su bila ta pisma?"

Na trenutak sam bio pocrveneo. Bilo me je sramota da o takvim stvarima pričam pred njim.

- "Neprijatno ti je? Ne brini, ja znam odakle su stizala ta pisma."

Još veći talas nelagode pomešao se sa blagim osećajem olakšanja.

- "To su, zar ne, oni trgovci čulnim zadovoljstvima koji mame svakoga u svoja legla; deci podmeću viruse a odraslima skidaju golde i u SŽ-u."
- "Istina je, Učitelju."

Setio sam se svega - snimaka golih i polugolih žena, uzbuđenja čekanja najboljeg dela filma, frustracije kada se snimak prekida i izlazi obaveštenje o registraciji korisnika.

- "Oni su ti tražili adresu."
- "Jesu. Oni... naterali su me da im dam!"
- "Ali ti si se plašio, zar ne?"

Klimnuh glavom. Zaista sam bio uplašen, još mlađi, uplašen i izgubljen negde između SŽ-a i eRepublika. Imao sam tada jednu adresu koju nikako nisam hteo da dajem na tako sumnjivim mestima.

- "Naterali su te, koristeći tvoju strast prema masturbaciji protiv tebe. Šta si učinio?"

Sinulo mi je! Sva ta spam pošta, ona nikada nije stizala direktno na moju sadašnju adresu, već je bila prosleđivana.

- "Otvorio sam novu adresu! Glasila je..."
- "...nešto kao: lakoprovaljiva@nevažna.lažna.com, zar ne?"
- "Istina je, sensei!"

Ostao sam zadivljen mudrošću mog Učitelja, sećajući se jasno svega, kako sam na sajtu nevažna.lažna.com, koji deli adrese šakom i kapom, napravio lažni nalog da bih mogao da uđem na porno sajt bez rizika (Naravno, sve se to odigralo drugačije - nakon što sam upisao adresu, tražen mi je broj kreditne kartice, a to nisam umeo da lažiram, sve i da sam hteo; moja prvobitna adresa takođe nije ostala sigura pošto ju je, zajedno sa milionima drugih, razneo bombaš-samoubica!).
Fasciniran dubokoumnošću mog Učitelja, zaboravio sam na činjenicu da sve ovo meni i dalje nema veze sa eDžedajima. Ipak, trenutak kasnije sam se dosetio - ako sam i bio mlad, nisam bio toliko glup!

- "Učitelju, zar to ne znači da, ako imam dve adrese..."

- "...možeš imati i dva naloga."

Prvi put, stari mudrac se grohotom nasmeja...

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ENGLISH VERSION

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Gravely serious, he looked into my eyes.
- A true eJedi can be in a thousand places at the same time.

- But, Master, how? I don't understand.
I was a young, unpromissing peasant, just under level twenty. I was making some food and weapons, although my strenght and resources were scarse. I worked for others, of course, in their fancy q5 factories.
I heard about them before. Masters of space and time, lords of battles, of vast gold and medals in plenty. eJedi.

My Master wasn't one of them. Yet, he was a great leader, long-bearded and leveled up to a point that was unbelievable to me at the time.
- Of course you understand! Tell me, where do you get your letters?
- Why, on my address, donthopeyoucangetit@postal.com, of course.
- And do you get some unwanted mail too?
- Certainly, everybody does...

I instantly recalled several embarrassing headlines - "Best penis enlargement", "A pill like a 1000's Viagra", "Meet a she-male in your town tonight". How could I have been so stupid to leave my address on porn sites?!

- You remembered, haven't you?

I stared at the Master like a calf.
- No, no, I was just recalling some headlines...
- Who were those letters from?

I blush momentairly. I felt awkward discussing those matters with him.

- You are embarrased? Don't worry, I know where those letters came from.

An even greater sensation of awkwardness suddenly mixed with a mild feeling of relief.

- Those are the traders of pleasures of flesh that lure everybody into their lairs; they plant children viruses and take away grown-man's gold in Real Life.
- It is true, Master.

It all came back - the videos of naked and half-naked women, the thrill of waiting the right moment in the movie, the frustration of video's interruption when you get the notification about user registration.

- They asked for your address.
- Yes. They... made me give it to them!
- But you were frightened, weren't you?

I nodded. Trully, I was affraid, even younger, affraid and lost in that place between RL and eRepublik. At that time I had one address that I didn't want to give away on suspicious sites for any price.

- They made you do it, using your passion towards masturbation against you. What did you do next?

Suddenly, it dawned on me! All that spam mail, it never came directly on my current address, but had been forwarded.

- I opened a new address! I went something like...
- ...something like: easybreakable@whatever.fake.com, right?
- This is right, sensei!

I was left at awe by my teacher's wisdom, left recalling clearly of how I went to the site whatever.fake.com, which was giving addresses away, how I made a fake account so I could enter a porn site without risk (Of course, things played out quite differently - after I entered the address, I was asked to provide a credit card number, which I couldn't fake, even if I wanted; my original address also didn't remain safe since it was blown away, like millions of others, by a suicide-bomber!).
Fascinated by my Masters clarevoyance, I completelly disregarded the fact that all that sad been said had nothing to do with eJedi. But, a moment later, I figured it out - if I was that young, I still wasn't that dumb!

- Master, doesn't that mean that when I have two addresses...

- You can have two accounts.

For the very first time, the old man laughed out loud...