USWP returns, zombie horde seen in Florida.

Day 936, 19:16 • Published in USA USA • by Necrosis

With the recent announcement that the party comprised entirely of zombies is returning to life, I became somewhat worried for the future of Amurica. I propose that a zombie horde, like USWP, is not in America’s best interests. But then the thought occurred to me? Who could we get to clear up such a zombie infestation?

Michael Jackson
MJ & zombies.
Well, firstly, he is dead. He would have to be a zombie himself in order to combat the USWP zombie hordes. We’ll assume he is in fact alive for this. Firstly, you need guns to kill people in eRep. Given the man’s mental age, they wouldn’t be real guns. Although, as an upside, the age limit on eRep is 14 or above, so there shouldn’t be any legal issues arising from his involvement in the community.

I imagine MJ in eRep would be sort of as useful as this guy. I think that is enough said on that matter.

Simon Pegg

This man would be about as much use as a marzipan dildo. I wouldn’t credit him with the ability to find the party in eRepublik in order to destroy the living impaired contained within. He is as useful against the USWP as the Russian congress is at impeaching people. I really don’t think more needs to be said on this.

Bruce Campbell

Groovy.
Now we’re onto the real men. Unlike the useless pansies beforehand, he can use a gun. And dam is he good with the gun. While it may seem like he wields only a shotgun, after having tested V2, I can tell you it is basically a compressed tank, on steroids. Not only that, he has travelled in time. We can stop this USWP zombie invasion before it even starts by not letting them die in the first place, and instead trolling them into obscurity. Personally, I cannot see a single downside with this, trolling the USWP is an age old pastime of this country. Rightfully so, and it is one I look forward to engaging in once more, once they destroy the binary detritus that is the APF. Oh, and Bruce has a bone to pick with you.

Tallahassee

This man is in the ass kicking business. And business is good. Much like the aforementioned Bruce Campbell, Tallahassee uses firearms as it they were in fact, fire made of arms. Or arms made of fire, you should probably get what I’m trying to say though. There is one major similarity between the Zombieland he lives in, and eRepublik though. There are no twinkies left. someone ate them all. He might be slightly unstable as a result, but you can’t win them all.

Chris Redfield

I sure hope this isn’t Chris’ blood. This man is pretty hardcore, although he does enjoy his green leaves. He also only kills zombies in the deserts of Africa, and in an empty house. Well, for a start, the USWP isn’t in the African desert, it’s in my backyard. Secondly, they aren’t in an abandoned house. So yeah, he might be completely useless, and we will be asking if it is his blood a lot.

We have plenty of people to call in to help us with this zombie invasion. Personally, I’ve been stocking up on food and guns to prepare for the coming apocalypse. It’s like swine flu, but not completely harmless, and without the vomiting. Although I did once see a picture of jude, that induced vomiting.


No my greatest article, but c'est la vie. Possible better than nothing, maybe, perhaps.

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