Ultimatum to eRomania, Part II.

Day 1,095, 06:16 • Published in Romania Hungary • by FKgP

eRomanian people! I have a few more words to speak to you! I remove my promise to ban ALL manele “music”, since many of you seem to be fond of this idea. This was supposed to be a scary THREAT, one that makes you shiver in fear, drown in tears, and cover in your subterranean holes! My mistake!

Instead of banning manele, me and my gang of Hungarian scientists* will develop an even more annoying version of manele! This new “megamanele” will have 48% less musical quality (yes, it’s possible), 63% more whinier “singing”, and lyrics reduced to the words “women”, “money”, “enemies” and “shmecherie” (The one who can provide a useful translation to this one, will be spared).

Listening to this acoustic nightmare from the netherworld will be mandatory at all times of the day, even while you are listening the “normal” manele. Your ears will bleed, and your brain will be reduced to homersimpsonean size… Well, your ears will bleed!!! Gwaaaah!

I also want to say, that I no longer wish to become your president. Instead, I will BUUUUUY your country. You don’t think I can? Well, just wait for it…

To make things simpler, return Central Hungary to us. And Oltenia.

Do this and you will be spared.

Your beloved Blood Lord Sir Moke Shag, smallholder

*science = an enterprise that builds and organizes knowledge in the form of testable explanations and predictions about the natural world. When your local priest performs an exorcism on sheep to improve milk quality, that’s not the right scientific approach.


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For the Hungarian readers:

Sir Moke Shag újabb választási ígéretekkel borzolja a román nép kedélyeit, különös tekintettel a manele zenére.

eMagyarország lakosságának ezúton is felhívjuk figyelmét az az újjáalakult Kisgazdapártra, ahova várunk minden kedves régi és új szimpatizánsunkat.

A Romániába szakadt kisgazdák írjanak bátran az org vagy a pártelnök részére, ha valamiben hiányt szenvednének, tudjuk hogy románföldön sokkal keserűbb az élet, még a nap sem süt annyit.
De reméljük sorozatos ultimátumaink hatással lesznek a román népre, és hamarosan mindenkit itthon üdvözölhetünk.

Továbbá köszönjük kitartó figyelmeteket és ezernyi előfizetőnknek a mediamogul medált.