Join the new world

In for a penny, in for a pound;
Pull up a seat and gather around.

After all, it's not like you have anything better to do for the next six hours...



Hey, if you missed it, check out the previous installement, Act I. Scene I., including the list of Players.

Herewith, and with much ado about nothing, we pridefully present...




Thedillpickl, Prince of Pickldom

A Tragi-Comedy, with various musical interludes


ACT I.

SCENE II. A seekret IRC channel.

Benjamin Doverton

Yawwwn! Yet Thedillpickl's memory be green,
It us befitted to bear our hearts in grief
'Pon our whole kingdom contracted in ONE's brow of woe!

So far hath discretion fought with nature
That we with wisest sorrow think on Great King Harlot,
Together with remembrance of ourselves.

Listen now, my sometime cousin, Shoat of Chan,
Have we, as 'twere with a defeated joy, --
With a sleepisome renewal and a drooping eye,
With mirth in e-funerals and with dirge in e-marriage,
In equal scale weighing delight and dole, --
Taken to be bosom pals: nor have we herein barr'd
The better wisdoms which have freely gone
With this queer affair along?

PigInZen
Zzzzzzzz...

Benjamin Doverton

For all,
Smacks PigInZen with a large trout.
our hearty thanks!


PigInZen
WTF!? Say what?


Benjamin Doverton

Now follows dear friend, that, as you know, young Jovan Tekelija,
Holding a weak supposal of our worth,
Or pissing on our late dear Harlot's departure,
Hath not fail'd to pester us with message,
Importuning the surrender of those lands
Lost by his father, with all bonds of law,
To our most valiant brother.

Meh, Servs. So much for him.

Now for our own bad selfs and for this time of typing:
Thus much the business is: we have here writ
To Old Nis, aged uncle of young Tekelija, --
Who, impotent, bed-rid, fugly, scarcely hears
Of this his nephew's purpose, -- to suppress
His our gaiety herein by a double Spaniard flood,
In hopes the levies should break, herewith,
The lists and full proportions, are all made
Out of his subject: and thus we dispatch...

You, good Chris Shnitzel...


Chris Shnitzel
Zzzzzzzz....


Benjamin Doverton

YOU, Chris Shnitzel!!


Chris Shnitzel
Here!


Benjamin Doverton

As I was saying...

Thus we dispatch you, good Chris Shnitzel
For bearer of this greeting to the Knights of Nis;
Giving to you no further business with that Hamster,
And limited no more than the scope
Of those deleted articles,...
You know which famous points I mean,...
How now allow thee vow.

Farewell, and let your haste commend your duty.


Chris Shnitzel

kk. Right. In that and all things will I show my duty, dude.


Gnilraps

Aside Heh-heh! He said "doodie"!


Benjamin Doverton

We doubt it howdy and heartily farewell.

Exit Chris Shnitzel, giving Benjamin Doverton a weary look.






Benjamin Doverton

And gnow, Gnilraps, what's gnup with gnu?


Gnilraps

Gnu is Not Unix, m'lord.


Benjamin Doverton

What, ho? Dost thou wittily purloin me
Or prick me with the cap on obvious, Gnilraps?
Tis't not known to all that Your Buffy King
be not a eunuch!


Gnilraps
Suppresses a laugh

Of course, good Sir. I jest.


Benjamin Doverton

By the infernal Osmany Ramon, What is't with you Feds?
You cannot speak of reason to the Big Pickl,
And thence to loose your voice: what would thou beg, then,
That shall be my offer, not thy asking?

As they say around yon water-cooler:
The head is not more native to the heart,
The hand more instrumental to the mouth,
Than the throne of Pickldom is to Us.

What wouldst thou hav'est at'est, Gnilraps?


Gnilraps

Umm, OK.

Here 'tis...

My dread lord,
Your leave and favor, s'il vous plait,
To return to gentle France
From whence, though willingly, I came to Pickldom,
To show my duty in your coronation,

Yet now, I must confess, that duty done did,
My thoughts and wishes and ummm... other stuff...
Do bend again toward Bella Francia
And I bow them now to your gracious leave and pardon.


Benjamin Doverton

Have you your father's leave?
What says Fair and Noble PigInZen?


PigInZen

He hath, my lard, wrung from my my slow leave
By laborsome petition, and at last
Upon his will I seal'd my hard consent:
I do beseech you, give him leave to go.


Benjamin Doverton

Take thy fair hour, Gnilraps; time be thine,
And thy best graces spend it at thy will!
But now, my cousin Thedillpickl, and my dear adopted son,--


Thedillpickl

Aside A little more than kin, and less than kind.





Benjamin Doverton

How is that the clouds still hang on you?


Thedillpickl

Not so, my lord; I am too much i' the sun.


PigInZen

Good Picklson, cast thy nighted color off,
Smile on thy neighbor, everybody get together,
We're gonna love one another right now, 'aight?

Yay, let thine eye look like a friend on Pickldom.
Do not for ever stoke fires with thy Maui lids
Seeking for thy noble father in the smoke:
Thou know'st 'tis common; all that lives must die,
Passing through e-nature to e-eternity.


Thedillpickl

Ay, sir, it is common.


PigInZen

If it be,
Let it be,
Let it bee-e-ee,
Oh Dilly,
Why seems it so particular with thee?


Thedillpickl

Seems, sir! nay it is; I know not 'seems.'
'Tis not alone my sour taste, good father,
Nor customary suits of solemn, yet fashionable, black,
No windy suspiration of forced gas,
No, nor the fruitful river in the eye,
Nor the dejected 'havior of the visage,
Together with all shouts and shapes of grief,
That can denote me truly: these indeed seem,
For they are actions that a man might play:
But I have that within which passeth show;
These be but the trappings and the suits of woe.


Benjamin Doverton

'Tis sweet and commendable your nature, Little Pickl,
To give these mourning duties to your fathers;
But, you must know, your father lost a father;
That father lost, lost his, and the survivor bound
In filial obligation for some turns to do obsequious sorrow.

But to persevere in obstinate condolement, lad,
Is a course of impious stubbornness; 'tis unmanly grief;
It shows a will most incorrect to gaming,
A heart unfortified, a mind impatient,
An understanding simple and unschool'😛


PigInZen and Thedillpickle begin to doze off.


Benjamin Doverton

For what we know...

singing loudly

...must be must be
The future's not ours, to see
Que Sera, Sera
What will be, will be.


They awaken, share glances, roll their eyes.


Benjamin Doverton

We pray you, good Dilly, throw down
This unprevailing woe, and think of Us
As of a father too: for let the e-worlds note,
Despite your doubled fathers,
Of whom much is asked and more is told,
You are the most immediate to our throne,
And with no less nobility of love
Than that which dearest fathers bear their sons,
Do I impart toward you.

Your intent in going back to school in Des Moines,
It is most retrograde to our desire:
And we beseech you, bend you to remain
Here, in the cheer and comfort of Our One Eye, to be
Our chiefest courtier, cousin, and our son.


PigInZen
sighs heavily and sez

Let not thy father lose his prayers, Thedill:
I pray thee, stay with us; go not to Iowa.


Thedillpickl

I shall in all my best obey you, sir.


Benjamin Doverton

Why, 'tis a loving and a fair reply:
Be as Ourself in Pickldom. Sir, come;
This gentle and unforced accord of Thedillpickl
Sits smiling to my heart: in grace whereof,
No watery Bud shall Pickldom drink to-day,
But the great cannon to the clouds shall rawr,
That the king's reserve is to be tapped again,
Re-speaking earthy thunder. Let's come away!


Exeunt all but Thedillpickl





Thedillpickl

O, that this too too solid flesh would melt into
A mountain dew!
Or that Everlasting Admin had not fix'd
His laws 'gainst quick self-slaughter!
O my weary Phoenician! O sweet Kazeal!
How weary, stale, flat and unprofitable,
Seems to me all the uses of this Kremmy world!

Fie on't! ah fie! 'tis an unweeded garden,
That leaves but shake and seed; things rank and gross in nature
Possess it merely in de minimus.

Alas and alack that it should come to this!

But two months dea😛 nay, not so much, not two:
So excellent a king that was that harlot to this game.
Let me not think on't -- Frailty, thy name is eRepublik!--
A little month, or ere these rank points were old
With which I follow'd my poor Daddy's body...
And now...

O, Moishe, hear me! A beast, that wants discourse of reason,
Would have mourned longer--now palling around like that with my uncle,
My true other father's brother, but no more like my other father
Than I to Romper: within a month:
Ere yet the salt of most unrighteous tear
Had done with the flushing of his porcine boundless mind!

O, most wicked speed, to post
With such dexterity to ungainly allies!
It is not nor it cannot come to goo😛
But break, and brake my heart; for I must hold my tongue.





Enter Good Chutley, Joe DaSmoe and Morrigan Alexandros

Good Chutley

Hail the Pickle!


Thedillpickl

Glad to see you plucky
Good Chutley,--or do I forget myself? LOL


Good Chutley

Aye, the Good One, my lord, and your poor servant to boot.


Thedillpickl

Chutley, my good friend; I'll change that name with you:
And what make you from Des Moines, Good Chutley? Oh, howdy Joe.


Joe DaSmoe

My good Pickl--


Thedillpickl

Yes, I am very glad to see you. Good 'evn, good sir.
But what, in faith, sweet Chut, make you from Des Moines?

Do tell.


Good Chutley

A truant disposition, good my Dill.


Thedillpickl

I would not hear Evil Chutley say so,
Nor shall you do mine ear such violence,
To make it truster of your own report
Against yourself; I know you are not truant, amirite?

You're full of chuckles, Chutley, and
We'll teach you to drink deep ere you depart.
Tell me, truly what is your affair in Pickldom's Country Store?


Good Chutley

My lord-bro, I came to see your father's funeral.


Thedillpickl

I prithee, dontcha mock me, bro;
I think it was to see my father's wedding.


Good Chutley

Indeed, the The, that follow'd hard on it.


Thedillpickl

Thrift, thrift, Good Chutley! the funeral baked meats
Did coldly furnish forth the civil union's tables,
Would I had met my dearest foe in darkest Nis
Or ever I had seen that day, Chut-man!

My father!--methinks I see my father.


Good Chutley
Looking around

Where, dude?


Thedillpickl

In my mind's eye, Good Chutley.


Good Chutley

I saw him once just before V2; he was a goodly one.


Thedillpickl

He was a man, take him for all in all,
I shall not look upon his like again.


Good Chutley

Don't look now, but I think I saw him yesternight.


Thedillpickl

Say what? Saw who?


Good Chutley

My lord, the king your father.


Thedillpickl

The king my father!


Good Chutley

Well it sure wasn't yo' mama! Heh,
Season your admiration for a while
With an attent ear, till I may stand and deliver,
Upon the witness of these gentlepeeps,
This marvel to you.


Thedillpickl

For the love of Ligtreb, let me hear it.


Good Chutley

Two nights together had these gentlefolk
Joe DaSmoe and Morrigan Alexandros, on their watch,
In the dead vast and middle of the night,
Well after Leno encounter'd. A figure like your Dad-King,
Armed at point, exactly in the Pickl style,
Appears before them, and with solemn march
Goes slow and stately by them: thrice he walk'd
By their oppress'd and fear-surprised eyes,
Within his rifle's length; whilst they, distilled
Almost to jelly with the act of fear,
Stand dumb and speak not to him.

This to me In dreadful secrecy impart they did;
And I with them the third night kept the watch;
Where, as they had deliver'd up in time,
Form of the thing, each word made true and good,
The appartion comes: I saw your father;
And I'm not lyin'.


Thedillpickl

But where was this? After all,
Alleged ghost sightings and related supernatural
Occurances have been reported across the entire
Tri-State area.


Joe DaSmoe

Aside: Listen... do you smell something?


Good Chutley

Upon the porch where we watch'd the watch we watch'd it.


Thedillpickl

Did you not speak to it?


Good Chutley

Fer shure;
But answer made it none: yet once methough
It lifted up its head and did address
Itself to motion, like as it would speak;
But even then the crickets chorused,
And at the sound it shrunk in haste away,
And vanish'd from our sight.


Thedillpickl

'Tis very strange.


Good Chutley

You can say that again.


Thedillpickl

'Tis very strange.


Good Chutley

And you did.

Yes, honor'd Pickl-Son, 'tis true;
And we did think it writ down in our duty
To let you know of it.


Thedillpickl

Indeed, indeedy, sirs, but this troubles me.
This is big, this is very big. There is definitely something here.

Hold you dudes the watch to-night?


Joe DaSmoe and Morrigan Alexandros

We do, my lord.


Thedillpickl

Arm'd, you say?


Morrigan Alexandros

Ay-yup.


Thedillpickl

From top to toe?


Morrigan Alexandros

Yep.


Thedillpickl

Then saw you not his face?


Good Chutley

O, yes, my lord; he wore his beaver up.


Thedillpickl

What, look'd he frowny-facingly?


Good Chutley

A countenance more in disappoint than in rage.


Thedillpickl

Pale or red?


Good Chutley

Thank you. But actually,
I prefer a good Shiraz, m'lord.


Thedillpickl

Wut?


Good Chutley

Oh! The ghost; yes; right.
Nay, very pale.


Thedillpickl

And he fixed his eye on you?


Good Chutley

Most constantly.


Thedillpickl

I would I had been there.


Good Chutley

It would have much amazed you.


Thedillpickl

Very like, very like. Stay'd it long?


Good Chutley

While one with moderate haste might count a hundred.


Joe DaSmoe

How would you know? You were f'ing wast...


Good Chutley

Not when I saw't.


Thedillpickl

His beard was grizzled--no?


Good Chutley

It was, as I have seen it in his life,
The grizzliest grizzle that ever grizz'd.


Thedillpickl

I will watch to-night;
Perchance 'twill walk again.


Good Chutley

I warrant it will.


Thedillpickl

If it assume my noblest father's person,
I'll speak to it, though grim cynics should gape
And bid me hold my peace. I'm telling you,
As you have hitherto conceal'd this sight,
Let it be quiet as a violet and venable your silence;
And whatsoever else shall hap to-night,
Give it an understanding, but no tongue:
I will requite your loves. So, fare you well:
Upon the porch, 'twixt twelve and one,
I'll visit you.

All

All duty to your Picklish honor.


Thedillpickl

Your bumps, as mine to yours, thus: farewell.

Exeunt all but Thedillpickl





Thedillpickl

All is not well. Despite this awful 'script,
I fear 'tis some foul play: would the night were come!
Till then sit still, or go outside: for foul deed will rise,
Though all the e-earth o'erwhelm them, to men's eyes.

Exit