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There has been some talk lately about the "politics vs. military" debate. One detriment to the military is that the military can be blanketed, it's easy to say "the whole military sucks" but you can't say "the whole politics sucks". Some military members have attempted to do just that, though. They speak of politicians as if they are part of some underground cult, manipulating the world in vast, elaborate steps with the sole intention of destroying the military complex.

After hours of introspection, I have decided to step forward. It's all true.

How do I know this? I was one of them. I gained entry to this secret brotherhood when I invented the Information Web, which - believe it or not - was taken away from my control in February to become a political propaganda platform sometime in June. Things just like this - key moments in our history where it seems that people are at each others throats - have been foreboded by these shadow masters months in advance for years. I have the IRC logs from my time to prove it. And, I have some examples for you.



All of these logs are totally serious business, ignore any anomalies you may notice.

August 3rd, 2010. Operation "Swift Fury".

[23:46] Krems: with you going down in B.R.s ship, it will be a landslide
[23:46] Krems: and then with the Croatians in our debt again
[23:47] Krems: we invade russia and become heroes
[23:48] Krems: with propaganda in our favor of course
[23:51] Fionia: the election has been too friendly at this point
[23:52] Fionia: there are some protestors but its not enough, not for this
[23:52] Krems: true
[23:56] Fionia: instead of a forum poll, lets have B.T. create a website
[23:57] Fionia: well shut the site down for most of the elections
[23:57] Fionia: "technical errors"
[23:60] Krems: i can get the blockers changed from the neutrals as well
[23:61] Fionia: excellent
[23:61] Fionia: thatll get people riled up

This plan succeeded. B.R. - or Bradley Reala, now JCS - was already unpopular and was stained more after his successor, a political agent you know as St. Krems, conquered Russia and became a national hero. Bradley Reala then went on to flee his reputation from his political foray to New Zealand, but he gave up this ambition when he was tailed by the other political agent Fionia. You may now shit bricks.

January 5th, 2011. Haliman is minutes from becoming President.

[23:56] CRoy: too much success lately
[23:57] Inwegen: OMB, invasion of indonesia, the rebellion, all glorious victories of our brotherhood
[23:58] CRoy: people are expecting things too extraordinary
[23:58] CRoy: becoming complacent to our success
[23:58] CRoy: we need them throwing bottles, so we can decide where those bottles are thrown
[23:59] Colin_Lantrip: H.M. can be incompetent instead
[23:59] Colin_Lantrip: then we install a populist to destroy him and the JCS in one swoop
[24:02] Inwegen: no, H.M. is to create the disbanding. we chose him for the congress contact.
[24:04] CRoy: a good plan, Colin
[24:04] CRoy: a few screw ups in alliances, whip up the public furor
[24:05] Colin_Lantrip: then a populist, militia contact preferably, someone with niche reach
[24:05] CRoy: the people will destroy H.M. for us, then we go for the JCS' throat
[24:10] Inwegen: no damn it, im not losing the election for us to come *close* to biting the head off the beast again
[24:11] CRoy: weve come too far to get eager now

After their fellow agent Haliman was disgraced by elder players pumping the "He's got this" movement, the Politians installed their militia contact - Julian Mizu - into the presidency. Mizu and his advisors were then to sweep congress with militia members and put the wrecking ball to the military infrastructure. Unfortunately for them, he never got that opportunity, due to a uncharted, likely fictional realm Mizu believed in called "real life".

April 6th, 2011. The JCS is ousted by Congress, but the Military lives on.

[21:63] Pfeiffer: damn it!
[21:73] CRoy: theyre persistent, thats for sure
[21:83] Pfeiffer: persistent?
[21:93] Pfeiffer: theyre like cockroaches, invincible to every nuke we have
[22:03] LexLuthor: what next, though?
[22:13] LexLuthor: we killed the institution, now theyre just a giant militia
[22:23] LexLuthor: they were supposed to disperse, but i think we only strengthened them
[22:33] CRoy: i have an idea
[22:43] CRoy: what if instead of attacking them
[22:53] CRoy: we made them attack themselves
[22:63] CRoy: make the leadership seem unstable, insane
[22:73] Pfeiffer: i can out some of our spies
[22:83] Pfeiffer: firings of officers look good, we saw that before
[22:93] CRoy: good idea, but something a little more too
[23:03] LexLuthor: we can leak a log. one that looks shady but is really not a big deal
[23:13] CRoy: i dont understand
[23:23] LexLuthor: theyre desperate, they cling to the log and we poke holes in it
[23:33] LexLuthor: they look like theyre grasping at straws and lose credibility
[23:43] CRoy: excellent, we can forge it now
[23:53] CRoy: whereabouts
[23:63] LexLuthor: #eus-congress. secret, but not that secret
[23:73] Pfeiffer: there

The plan succeeded, military members grabbed the log en masse and spammed in it shouts, articles, and forums. All of the perpetrators had excuses for the content, most of them legitimate, and the military outed themselves on the forums with suddenly very little firepower. It is likely they were all killed. This very conflict is still ongoing today, as the military struggles against an ever expanding political threat.



Why show you this? Why betray my brotherhood?

Because, when I was part of it, I thought it was the right side. Now I know different. You may be asking yourself, who is the ringleader to all this? Who has all the connections while staying in the shade? It may shock you that all along it was none other than...

Cerb.

Who better to think up these elaborate plots than someone with 3 heads? And this brings me to my expert investigation, which lead me to realize I was on the wrong side of this debacle:





Run, America. Run from your political overlords, before it's too late!

Disclaimer: THIS ENTIRE ARTICLE IS BOTH SUPER REAL AND SUPER SERIOUS. EVERYONE YOU KNOW IS EVIL, AGAINST YOU, AND THEY'RE ALL WORKING TOGETHER. THE ONLY ESCAPE IS TO UNPLUG YOUR COMPUTER, SMASH YOUR ROUTER, AND BUY A BOMB SHELTER. IF YOU HAVE DOGS, LEAVE THEM BEHIND - THEY ARE CERB'S AGENTS.

I have died to give you this information. Godspeed.




EDIT:

The man who wrote this article has gone insane due to the stress of his daily routine, and has been transported to a nice, safe holding facility. Please disregard anything you've read here. Here are some pleasing photographs to ease your min😛




In brighter news, we now have an opening in the Department of Education. Please look here if you wish to take the job.

- The United States Government