The Toronto Chronical has INFILTRATED COBRA

Day 577, 21:07 • Published in Canada Canada • by Spencer Magee

Working hand in hand with several informants planted within the criminal organization COBRA, The Toronto Chronicle is ready to give eCanadians the inside scoop on these dangerous terrorists.

DID YOU KNOW?

That Augustus Baldwin, the leader of COBRA, enjoys wearing pink laced panties? The Toronto Chronicle has the pictures to prove it and are willing to sell them to the highest bidder.

We have also learned of the terrorists main goals in regard to eCanada. Through various methods, COBRA hopes to threaten the government to achieve these demands.

Prime Minister Jacobi must immediately;

1. Repeal the unfair and unjust law of gravity.

2. Institute illiteracy as Canada's third official language.

3. Make Montreal North America's Venice by damning the St. Lawrence River

4. Re-naming Alberta 'Awesome Land' and tearing down the Rocky Mountains so Albertans (or, Awsomelanders) can see the Pacific Ocean.

5. Ending Crime by abolishing all law

6. End global warming by abolishing the environment

7. The immediate invasion of Singapore...for obvious reasons.

8. Establish higher education by building taller schools

9. The paving of Manitoba into a parking lot for Ontario

More shocking revelations are to come if COBRA does not provide me with some donations in the next five minutes.