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Issue 6
"I ask that you re-examine that statement." ~Glove, S.E.E.S. Bigwig

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State Department To Be Cleaved In Twain
In a shocking move, newly-minted Secretary of State Onishi has announced today that the State Department will be separated into two separate departments. Mr. Onishi will retain the State Department, which will become solely an ambassadorial (that is is real word, look it up) department. Foreign relations will be handled by newly-appointed Minister of Foreign Affairs St Krems, who will continue the ongoing work of creating handling America's relations with foreign powers.


(The split is as abominable as this picture)

"Shocked and dismayed! I'm shocked and dismayed!" said an opposition figure, who refused to be named on the basis they may not exist. "This is a ridiculous proposition! I find it worthy of ridicule! Harumphh!" His secretary explained that it seems as though ambassadors are also involved in the handling of foreign affairs, and that this creates and unnecessary division of power in so important a department. An anonymous ambassador laughed at this, saying, "everyone knows that ambassadors are just there to set up embassies and say nice things and do nothing controversial."

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Gulden Draak Says Gamble With Money
Former Vice President Gulden Draak released a white paper yesterday detailing how to make money with the International Money Market. In an incredible detailing of just how to succeed in business without really trying, Mr. Draak outlined the strategies he uses to make money off of the money market; blasting doing actual "work" as pathetic and excessively proletarian.


(This guys probably needs some psychatric help)

"It's simple," said Mr. Draak. "You just buy low and sell high. Now the best time to buy low is when a country is being invaded. So I just purchased a ton of pesos while we were invading Mexico. Now, when a country is no longer being invaded, the currency will just jump right up... and oh... Mexico doesn't exist anymore." The Fieldist admits that Mr. Draak is certainly a magician when it comes to money; he can make gold disappear.

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Ireland In Turmoil
Loyal Americans and other Fieldist readers will remember the ringing endorsement this paper gave to CelticTiger211, the unity candidate of Ireland who was elected on a popular mandate. A transcript of Mr. Tiger211 mocking a deceased member of Irish society was released, which discredited the new President. Mr. Tiger211 has announced that he will go into retirement immediately, and that his vice president, friend of The Fieldist Marcus Suridius, will take his place. An impeachment bill was introduced in the Dail by Dylanb9216, but it is largely expected to be defeated.


(The sun isn't supposed to set on Tiger's empire)

The Fieldist is saddened by this sudden development. In spite of his personal failings, Mr. Tiger211 represented a chance to bring tranquility and peace to the divisiveness which has come to typify Irish politics. The chance may be lost, but hopefully the parties that united behind Mr. Tiger211 will now unite behind Mr. Suridius, and remember that civil discourse is the hallmark of a great society.

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Interviewed
I've never been important enough to be interviewed, which is why I haven't been. But PrincessVictoria was looking for something to do with her paper, and I suggested she interview me.

She did. Click that to read her interview with me. If you enjoy this paper, you can get some insight into how I think when I write it there by reading the interview in The Royal Tribune.

Furthermore, I think The Royal Tribune is an up-and-coming newspaper, and it's a great thing to start subscribing to it (like I already have) and watch its evolution and growth. I don't say people are quality writers often (because we know there's a lot who aren't) but PrincessVictoria is one, and she deserves votes and subscriptions.

Go ahead and do that now. Get her subs into the triple digits.

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THE FIELDIST ANNOUNCEMENTS

Staff
SamWystan: Editor-In-Chief
Quintessential: Staff Writer
HobbitTon: Contributing Writer
ProjectPsion: Contributing Writer
seanlynch: Ireland Bureau Chief
Athanaric: Contributing Writer
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